this is depressing

I can't go anywhere. The entire city is frozen the governor has declared a state of emergency. The mayor has pleaded that everyone stay in. The city has had 12-24 inches and 9000 people have had their power knocked out, and there are people who have been stranded on the interstate for three days.

This is all sad, but you want to know the worst thing? I can't drive my ducking car. Ok so its not the end of the world, but I really would like to get out of this place. But even if I could go somewhere things are closed all over the city so I have nowhere to go.

Ok I'm done being a spoiled American whiney little bitch happy new year, I like most of the city am stuck at home with no champagne or anything festive.

whatever lola wants...

Hmmm I need to change my name to lola so I can get all I want.

I got a beautimus car. She's so pretty her name is Bonnie Blue Butler (yes from gone with the wind) she is my ion2 quad Coupe that I fell in love with last year. She's a little more expensive than I hoped for, but she's also a little more loaded than I hoped for, and ill be refinancing here soonish anyway.

I haven't gotten to drive her much cause its been snowing like mad, they say they expect up to ten inches. So I can't open the sun roof or play with the power windows (you don't know how happy I am to not have to fight with that crank) but hopefully it will be warmer tomorrow.

Ok I just wanted to post that I'm happy. I'm kinds tired and I think ill go to sleep now.

my knight in big green truck.

so i would like to say thank you to eric, my sisters man for picking me up for work since i was too dizzy to drive and for fixing my car, and thanks to a banking error on my part, paying for the parts to fix said piece of crap car that has begun breaking down every other week. ( and its never on the weeks i get paid) im fixing it only because im giving it to my mother otherwise i would have it go to the scrapyard.

i am going to buy a new car, well possibly a used car, but it will be a certified used car if it is used, im looking for something with a warranty. the way i see it, if Lorenzo can qualify to buy a brand new Ion, i can at least get a Kia. My Sammy will become my mothers because she needs a car more than i need a down payment.

my insurance contract is up on december 28th so that works out nicely i will just drop both of those cars from the policy and add my new one. time to start shopping.

hmmm

i would like something sporty, something cute... but at this point... ill take a pinto with a new engine. grrr its times like this that i hate the fact that i really know nothing about cars... i guess i oughta get off my hiney and do some research seeing as i have decided friday (or maybe saturday depending on if i can get off early) is D-day and i will get it then. i wish i could afford my mini but noooo....

i figure i need something safe, i need to spend about 200 a month, and maybe 150 on insurance... in order to still be able to comfortably afford an apartment... about 300 and 200 in order to be able to afford one at all and i can go higher than that if i resign myself to living at home. speaking of resigning myself to living at home...

my mother flipped out earlier, because i told her i was going to be purchasing a car this weekend. i told her i was giving her mine and she started freaking out even more, i was hoping to move out in february, but she was saying that she is going to need me at home to help out for a while... lovely. well this works out ok i guess... sunny side up... i will simply help her out, and put the rest of what would be rent to the side this will be my furniture fund, my tax refund will go in the same savings, and when i move out i will be set, and if i do this diligently not only will i have furniture, but i will be able to pay my rent a couple months in advance... meanwhile im buying a bed... if im gonna be there for a while i am getting a bed, that cot has got to go.

new years resolutions, ok maybe not new years seeing as im gonna start on these today december 26th is the same deal. so december 26th is my new year.

1. start eating right... even if that means avoiding mom's dinner like the plague (as im finishing my breakfast of chocolate chip cookies and cinnamon chocolate covered pecans)
2. excercise in the mornings... i felt much better when i would go running in the morning, im sure i can figure something out here
3. maintain financial stablitity (even if it means not buying new shoes each week)
4. maintain savings (meaning no more bailing people out, besides mom)
5. finalize divorce as soon as finances allow
6. finish cleaning up credit which will include obtaining and being responsible for a damn credit card grrrr....
7. complete at least two semesters of school
8. become more community oriented and socialize more
9. find at least one thing to be genuinely happy about daily
10. learn to forgive myself more, and others less.

that last one is to say... drea, you are not a doormat. you do not need to feel bad for taking your life back. it is your life, you are the one who needs to live it. you step on a few toes or make a couple people look like you just kicked a puppy on the way. so be it. i cannot control the world. i can only change my part of it. i am responsible for my part of this life and no one elses... but if i can help and so desire i will. it is in my power and slightly to my benefit to help my mother, so i will. i can no longer be responsible for his skewed views of importance, so i wont.

sick as a dog

Hooked on cable addicted to the jaccuzi and the blinds open upside down too much cough syrup? Its possible.

tough life.

Drea would you mind house sitting for one of your aunties?

Yeah sure no problem which one?

Aunty geri.

What the hell did she mean mind? here I lay snuggled up in a king size bed nestled between Egyptian cotton sheets and a down comforter. surrounded by poignant yet tasteful artwork, with my own bathroom and she wanted to know if if mind? I'm in the friggin guest bedroom for heavensake!

I'm living the tough life. I'm in a neighborhood where I could leave my car unlocked with the keys in the ignition and no one would touch it (not that I would out of ingrown paranoia.) ok side note, my god these sheets feel nice. What was I saying? Oh yeah tough life. Yada yada. I'm wondering what I did to deserve this harsh treatment. She is leaving me with a full fridge and a gas/takeout stipend for the week that would allow me to runaround town all day and order takeout for a month. Geez.

Oh yeah and I'm ten whole minutes away from work assuming there's traffic.

All this and I gotta watch her three adorable puppies. Tough life I tell ya.

i feel awful

Here I am awake because about half an hour ago I couldn't bear the heat any longer, and the little tickle in my throat turned into a full fledged fire in my lungs. I thought maybe it was allergies and I just needed to get some zinc and vitamin c in my system so naturally I drink orange juice. Made it worse at least now I know it is allergies. So I popped a singular, hoping thatll clear my chest and my sinuses and just feeling miserable and unable to sleep any longer. But I will cause I'm exhausted and its only been three hours of sleep.

i feel awful

argument for live Christmas trees.

The fun of going into the crisp outdoors to find the perfect tree. The beauty of real branches upenung up to cradle long time favorite ornaments. The subtle scent of evergreen that says the holidays are here.

For generations real Christmas trees have stood at the center of our most chrished holiday traditions, but did you know that by choosing a real tree you can do something beautiful for the forest?

Christmas trees are grown on managed forestlands which are usually family owned. In managed forests a balance is carefully maintained between our need for wood and paper and the needs of the environment to remain healthy and abundant. That's why for every tree harvested in a managed forest, up to three more are planted each spring. And the millions of new trees help to keep the air and water clean and provide habitat for all sorts of wildlife and prevent soil erosion.

Also there are plenty of ways to recycle a tree when the holidays are over from reusing the wood to donating it for processing to be used in playgrounds.

So I plea. Buy a real tree and put something pretty under it for me.

bah fucking humbug!

I hate Christmas. Don't get me wrong I love Jesus and I'm glad that he was born and died for us and all that jazz... But let's face it who really thinks about that while they are throwing elbows for the last black cashmere sweater at Macys? I wish we could get rid of all the hooha.

I'm sitting here alone and scared in the dark cause my car died. Either my radiator cracked or there's a hole in one of my lines but I'm alone and acerd and have no clue where I am I know I'm south of Montano and north of Menaul on san Pedro but the place where I died has no fucking sign on the street.

I'm gonna finish this later I'm gonna call someone to talk to me till me bro gets here cause I'm really freaking out.

bah fucking humbug!

couple of lesbians and some slippery nipples

I drink decidedly too much when I'm not paying for it.

I think I need to stop partying with Maggie she's fun but she takes advantage of my naievity. I'm trying to find my new favorite drink and she asked me last night what do you want and I said anything and she came back with a long island iced tea. That was like my fourthish drink (kinda lost count) not including shots and I was done for I drank half the drink before I realized standing up to dance was probably not the smartest thing to do and asked what it was. I had handed my keys to Sarah long before but I went to hand them to her again. And Maggie just said I wanna see you stripping naked kind of drunk.

That didn't quite work out but we spent the whole night sharing embarassing stories and sexual tidbits and poor Sarah I kept hanging on her all night and giving her what was probably very bad relationship advice. And I kept bugging Tanya about her girlfriend and giving mike my entire lifes story. I think I talk too much but they just kept on buying me more and more. So I just kept talking.

Dreaming with a broken heart John Mayer

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was he really here?
Is he standing in my room?
No he's not, 'cause he's gone...
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
He takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No he can't
Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Baby won't you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone...
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

Artist: John Mayer
Album: Continuum
Title: Waiting On the World to Change

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could
Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want
That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
One day our generation Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting Waiting on the world to change

I'm so not looking forward to tomorrow. I have a meeting super early a summit at ten to noon I get a quick lunch break and then I have to go back to A meeting withe the last, thank goodness! Exec candidate. And then a meet with some of the site directors and then dinner with bill and Phil which is just fun to say its not as fun to say bill Phil and Carlos so I say bill and Phil.

I'm going to bed I'm exhausted I worked till almost eight but I think I got everything done. I hope. Good night moon good night sky... Ha ha ok love ya

im only happy when it rains

i love that song.

so im in a sort of random song posty mood seeing as im just taking a quick break from work so here goes:


Artist:Jude
Album:City Of Angels Soundtrack
Title:I Know
you've got such a pretty smile.
it's a shame the things you hide behind it.
let go give it up for a while...
let free and we will both go find it.
i know there's no where you can hide it.
i know the feeling of alone.
i know that you do not feel invited,
but come back, come back in from the cold.
step away from the edge.
your best friend in life is not your mirror.
back away, come back away, come back away...
i am here and i will be forever and ever and i...
i know that there's no where you can hide it.
i know the feeling of alone.
trust me and don't keep that on the inside.
soon you...you'll be locked out on your own.
you're not alone...
you're not alone...
and don't say you've never been told.
i'll be with you till we grow old...
till am old grown and i'm cold..
i'm not further beyond the grown..
i'll be with you till we grow up young..
like a dog you can always come home..
pick up a bone...
look around town baby down town
don't throw me to the pound..
look around look around...



Artist:Paula Cole
Album:City Of Angels Soundtrack
Title:Feelin' Love

You make me feel like a sticky pistil
Leaning into her stamen.
You make me feel like Mr. Sunshine himself.
You make me feel like splendor in the grass where we're rolling
Damn skippy baby
you make me feel like the Amazon's running between my thighs.
You make me feel love
You make me feel like a candy apple all red and whory
You make me feel like I want to be dumb blonde
In a centerfold, the girl next door.
And I would open the door and I'd be all wet
my tits soaking through this tiny little t-shirt
That I'm wearing and you would open the door
And tie me up to the bed.
You make me feel love
Lover, I don't know who I am
Am I Barry White?Am I hot inside?
What would I place with your hot conscious
Oh baby babe babe babe
I will be your death the moon light
Take your time
You make me feel love

i wanna strip tease to that song its too sexy. hmmm now if only i could get someone here to strip tease... haha

ok i think its about time to get to work so i can be out of here by nine at least love yall

only in Albuquerque

There is a crime ring stealing big trucks, fords, why couldn't they steal chevys or dodges? Something worth it? Why? Why not mini Coopers? If I was gonna start a crime ring we would steal mini Coopers or Corvettes. Ok so I'm a loser but what the hell.

We have a cute weather boy maybe I should watch the news more often why do they run the ten o'clock again at one thirty this is just strange. I dunno I'm trying to sleep kinda but this was just too strange not to mention.

there are no insignificant thoughts.

And that I truly believe. I do think that even if a thought has no significance for one it has significance for someone else or should I say, may, if shared.

So I don't know if I'm being overly picky or what but I didn't like the guy yesterday cause he didn't answer a single question and I didn't like the guy today cause he wouldn't look me in the eye. Although he seemed to genuinely love the y and he has experience to work with what he has and he's not a micro managing asshole. He expects his staff to know what they're doing and to get it done so he does not have to be on their backs. I like that because if they hire someone who tells me I need to be in at eight and chained to my desk till five I will quit or I will die. I know what needs to be done and I get it done. Period doesn't matter if I waltz in at ten or if I jump in at seven I'm there when I need to be and I work the hours I really have to work and then some usually.

So back to the guy today he seemed on the phone to be a cocky bastard but today he just seemed real. He made me nervous cause he wouldn't look at me I felt like I had a booger hanging on my nose or I was hideous or some other reason for avoidance. It was brought up that I might have made him nervous but I can't see that he is potentially my new boss and I can't see how I could. I don't know I'm not gonna get any more hung up over it.

masturbation interrupted on the sofa in my office

Makes for a wonderful title. Its concise its strong it makes you want to read more, unfortunately I have nothing to follow up with. I think I'm gonna start titling these things with inflamatory sentences, like I used to begin them with quotes. Truth and relevance are not necessities. This could be a little too amusing for me.

So my lungs are on fire. I might have just a smidge of something lurking around in there and Rikki called and was like hey let's work out and I was like ok I have some stuff in the car so I who have not exercised in like six months or so now decided to try and keep up with Rikki who is like half my size and a soccer player (for fun the weirdo) and I think I swallowed a box of matches and a little kerosene. Ha ha the worst part is after the work out we went back to her apartment and she was like hey want some birthday cake, and my only issue with that statement was what kind of frosting. I didn't eat it cause it was the gross kind but had that been whipped cream Rikki and I both know idve been all over that. I suck at the whole will power and dedication thing. The good news is I borrowed her pretty red shoes and I'm going to look great tomorrow... I just need to figure out something for the rest of the week. Should I bore you on here?

Eh what the hell... Tomorrow: lunch at tucanos exec meeting number two, white sweater the pretty one with a. Key hole in the back mother of pearl hoops black stone heart necklace black satin skirt pretty red shoes and (grimace) nylons hair down and contacts grey eyes red lipstick

Wednesday: staff interview third exec interview. green sweater abstract silver jewlery houndsooth two pleat skirt, ugh! Black nylons and can't decide which shoes black slides or my fav 1940's black and white pumps. Hair in french twist glasses smoky lavender eyes, orchid lips.

Thursday: Admin staff meeting with Marion, admin staff Christmas party fourth exec meeting, that's a tough one, black wide leg slacks black wrap top with design on the back pink sapphire necklace pink drop earrings pink tweed pumps, pink and grey eyeshadow pink lipstick hair in ponytail or blue pearls blue studs blue and grey eyeshadow light pink lipstick and sparkly blue shoes hair curled depending on my mood that morning.

Friday: final exec interview lunch with Rikki and Justine and some other important thing I'm sure I've forgotten. Hmmm depending on what said forgotten appointment is either tuxedo style suit coral top no necklace silver drops hot patent leather pumps neutral eyes coral lips or black skirt with red flowers red Asian style blouse same jewlery. My good ol' Mary Janes Smoky eyes red lips. Hair?

Hmmm that was easier than trying to think them up every morning maybe I should do this weekly.

cant sleep

I don't know why I can't sleep but here I lie tossing and turning and I've finally given up and decided to write.

Unfortunately, I have nothing really to say. I'm comfy as can be in my big white shirt and soft black panties, necessary because I keep pacing but very comfy, my room is at a comfortable sleeping temperature. There are no lights no noises, I've taken care of everything I can take care of today.

Tomorrow we begin our selection for the new exec.well the staff part. I already had one of the candidates, Paul, Tuesdays appointment I think, call to ask me some questions, breaking the rules and crossing the line between confident and cocky. I need to get out the winter camp schedule. I have a couple phone calls to return, but those are all things ill have to take care of tomorrow. I did timesheets I have winter camp mostly planned out I need one day with all the site directors to catch up curriculum and do a little training on some things I got out of that workshop. But that is all for later Why am I awake now?

My personal life is in a good place, its been this way for the past few months some things are worse some are better some are just complicated. But I've come to terms with all things there, except I didn't think I could get so shaken by a phone call. I guess I am a little stirred up there.

Monetarily I'm fine, I'm not great but I'm fine. I'm not worried about my job. I've somehow mostly skipped the winter blues. I want to start running again but I need the time and new shoes. I guess I can wear the heavy ones till January cause both of my light ones are getting worn through the soles and I promised myself no shoes till January which just sucks cause there's this really great pair I fell in love with at payless. And payless is cheap. I need to remember to ask Yvette about my benefits because I will have been in the position three months in January. I think I'm gonna take karate with Justine cause she wants to do something together at the community center and I doubt I can get her to do a dance class. I might just take ballroom dance by myself though. Oh hey I think this random ranting is working my eyelids are getting heavy
ttfn
love,
Drea

cant sleep

fifteen days till chrismas

I think. What's today?

What happened? I was ahead this year. How am I behind again?

Cards: done but not mailed
Baking:starts next week
Tamales:probably cook the head on Friday.
Gifts:
Lissa check
Leo check
Dad partially
Mom partially but I know what to get her
Nana no clue
Tata no clue
Grandma throw blanket?
Grandpa cigars
Susie hmmm no clue
Nino no clue
Nina gift basket gotta go to michaels hey that could work for grandmas too hmmm
Michelle check
Dominic and Nicky check
Aunts uncles and rest of cousins goody tins.
Kat gift basket?
Rikki and Justine partially, hmmm gift cards?
Staff check candy canes and cards but its more than I ever got and there's forty of them!
Office Staff check, I think, Maggie Yuri Sara Phil Yvette Liaser Carlos Aileen Jebarri
Site directors Nathan Jason Curtis Justine Haydee Tanya Barbara Malinda check
Sandy check
Patricia check


Why is the ice cream man running around now? Any way back to my list I'm sure I'm forgetting someone. Oh yeah Renzo... Do I get him anything? I didn't get him anything for his bday and then I felt like a heel when he gave me my card. Ha! movie passes! I can get movie passes stick them in a card And then if I forgot anyone I can just write their name on the front and ta da! And if not I can always go to the movies myself.

What else I need white elephant gifts for three parties I need a date for two parties. What am I going to wear Christmas eve? I want to wear my sparkly blue shoes I need a blue sweater to match. Oh wait I vowed to stop buying myself stuff till January that's ok I can wear them with my black dress. Hmmm.

I want Jewish elves.

My mother is crazy.

Chocolate is not breakfast food.

shop around the corner.

I love this movie. You've got mail. I love Meg Ryan I don't know why but she makes me feel like real people can have these incredible loves.

So I am contemplating buying my own home. I want my own home with two bedrooms and a garage, so I can convert the garage into a studio and the second room into an office with walls of books. My dream. My own place. I keep telling myself I can't do it now though I keep talking myself out of it. Why do I do that why do I talk myself out of my dreams?

I love that line "what about you is there someone else?" "no but there is the dream of someone else"

Traveling is one of my dreams. I think ill out off the house, for now at least I'm looking at this movie and seeing new York and thinking of when I was younger and how I always dreamed of going there. There and a million other places. I don't know idi could be happy with a little apartment with no furniture so that I can afford to travel. Tough decision a cozy home all my own or the chance to run around being happy in other places. I wonder how much vacation I get per year, if that could work out? Hmmm I don't know tough choice, home, travel... Well I have no one to travel with at the moment. So a home?

I don't know. So my fever has gone down. I've only slept most of the day. That's good.

NM forum for youth summit.

Youth is defined by the state of New Mexico as persons between birth and thw age of 24. I am youth. I am at a summit where the outcome is bleak for youth. I think I should stand up and use myself as an example. Look grew up under poverty level no heath insurance public education no real male figure and I'm not quite as fucked up as you all would like to hope.

I am a productive citizen driven to show the world that their statistics mean nothing. I am not a pregnant drop out on welfare like they said I would be and they need to stop telling kids like I was that that's all they will be. Ooh I'm mad. We as a society sincerely need to stop saying things like this to our childen the ones who are smart enough to understand what they listen to, have the ambition sapped right out of them. And the ones that have a brain to ignore it are too few.

I guess that its not that they are saying this to the youth of new Mexico, its the fact that they are specifying the Hispanic and native American youth of new Mexico. I am furious. This whole packet in front of me is divided into three sections, Hispanic all races, native Americans, and non-Hispanics all races. And they wonder why I don't consider myself white. Its the mentality that we are brought up with. I have spent my whole life hearing that I will be a failure. And I figured it would end but grrr here they are passing their bullshit on to the next generation.

I won't stand for it this has to change and I need to find a way.

I am about to go into the last segment of my evening. I will post more later if I haven't gone berzerk and tackled someone and been thrown in jail by the end of this night. Oh wait I won't do that because that would prove them right.


Oh yeah p.s. Mags, can't edit wishlist from my phone.

sadomasochistic

Is it sadism masochism or both when you enjoy inflicting pain on yourself?

Sorry that thought just ran through my head as I was tweezing my eyebrows and giving myself a mani pedi.

So the electricity in my room is shot. A couple days ago my choice was heat or TV didn't bother me much I'm not much of a TV person, but now I have neither...so I get to find the short. This will be fun, unfortunately it will have to wait till this weekend cause its a very busy week for me. Ill just break out more blankets, or sleep in the living room.

power cut and hot pink lips.

A person isn't who they are in your last conversation, they are who they've been through the whole relationship.

So I've been shopping again. I shouldn't but the good news is most of it was Christmas shopping. Ok so half of it? Part of it? Ok well the good news is most of my Christmas shopping is done.

Robot chicken is so weird. Seth Green is on crack.

Ill finish this post later.

so not fair.

Two hour snow delays used to mean I got to sleep in two hours more. This morning it just meant I got a phone call at five am that prompted me to call seven other people. Funny how that works. And now, I can't go back to sleep, maybe ill get up and do my hair and look fabulous, oh yeah my face still hurts maybe I should look in a mirror. Eh not too splotchy, that can be covered up. The pain, well ill figure something out for the pain, I can't hold popsicles to my face all day. Good thing I've been in bed before midnight lately. Grrr.why when I type out my on this damn thing it becomes me and I have to go back and fix it? Its like when I type out hope it comes out hoe and I don't always catch it. I don't think I like this thing changing what I type but I guess it makes the little things easier so I should stop my bitching. Grrr its ten after six and I'm wife awake and there's not even any snow in my neck of the woods. I'm glad my heater got fixed last night that would have been freakishly cold. Ok I'm gonna go hope in the shower I guess. Love yall but its top early to be blogging.

happy 200th post.

My skin is on fire. I bought a new facewash and it caused an allergic reaction and now my skin is red and splotchy and burning like mad. So much for variety i'll stick to dove bars.

So I went to walmart to buy a pair of gloves cause its freezing balls today and instead of just getting a cheap pair cause I know I'm gonna lose them in like a day or two any way, I bought the beautiful red leather ones that lace up the side. Of course I would find the most expensive pair there irresistible. And while I was there I figured hey why not try some new face wash I'm tired of dove and clinique been using them
for years. Don't fix what aint broken cause now I'm very broken. Think ice'll soothe it? Grrr. This hurts so I grimace and it hurts when I grimace so I just want to do it more.

Aww my mommy loves me she just brought me hot chocolate without me asking. Unfortunately she also said my face looks painful. I hope that this goes away by morning because I have meetings in the morning and I need them to pay attention to what I'm saying not how I look. I need to look fabulous. Grrr. Ooh gotta go csi is starting.

i suck at this cold thing

so i was walking across the way to the church when it dawned on me i forgot my fucking jacket again. oh the wonder that is my brain. the good news is, after freezing my happy little hiney for a few minutes outside in our lovely 32 degree weather made me nice and toasty once i got back into my 60 degree office. well that and dancing around to the Yeah Yeah Yeah's helped.

i want a cigarette.

i think i'll go make some coffee.

so we had thanksgiving dinner last night. oh how i love my family... we have thanksgiving whenever the hell my dad feels like it just so long as it is after the official date and this is somehow my doing... one day i will understand them. so anyway... we were about to sit down to dinner when my mom suddenly remembered "hey drea has those four bottles of wine she bought the other day...." and so began a very interesting evening where most of my family said too much and i woke up late this morning, remind me to send a thank you note robert mondavi. its still strange to me to sit around and have a glass (or several) of wine with my parents... i have always known my mom to be a pretty cool and kind of crazy person, but i got to know my dad a little more... like what it was like when he was in the army, some strange stories about when he was a sharpshooter... it was nice, we talked more last night than i think we have in years... haha maybe i should get my dad drunk more often.

wow none of that made sense.

Hand in my pocket

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
Cuz I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
Cuz I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
Cuz I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign
I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby
What it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
Cuz I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano
What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
Cuz I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab.....

Artist: KT Tunstal
Album: Eye to the Telescope
Title: Suddenly I See

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me
I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on a wire
Suddenly I see
And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see
Suddenly I see

Damn that coffee smells wonderful.

aww im out of creamer... :(

Artist: Yeah Yeah Yeah's
Album: Show your Bones
Title: Phenomina

Hey!
Don’t touch kid, sleep with the lights on
Touch kid, how you surprise me
Now roll kid, knock your body off!
You’re something like a phenomena
Something like an astronoma
Roll kid, rock your body off!
Something like a phenomena, baby
You’re something like a phenomena
Something like a phenomena, baby
You’re gonna get your body off ....

not nearly as good without music behind it... hmmmm

Artist: Yeah Yeah Yeah's
Album: Show your Bones
Title: Warrior

When it’s missing then you want it more
It isn’t right
Turning, turning out the door
And back to this
Leave it like it was before
And let me out
Must’ve been the end of the story
Giving it all, giving it all away
You’re gonna wake up someone
Well study it all
The wings, the crowd, your face
You’re gonna end up like one
Well, trouble at home
Travel the way you say
“The road don’t like me”
Travel away
Travel it all away
“The road’s gonna end on me”
Man, they like me
‘Cause I’m a warrior, a warrior
Stand on my feet
Dance the warrior, the warrior
Where would I be?
I’d be a warrior, a warrior
Now the strangers have caught on
And they’re riding in the backseat
The river’s gonna wash all
Yeah the river it spoke to me
It told me I’m small
And I swallowed it down
If I make it all I’m a make you want me
Hey!

ok so lets face it its the riffs and the drums that make the yeah yeah yeah's special but oh how i love them, my new haircut kind of reminds me of her... only im not nearly as hot.


damn i have a plush job, i've just wasted like an hour.

orange layer cake with chocolate frosting

I told someone that's what I was having for my birthday and they looked at me like I had three heads. Its very good.

She's crazy now I know where I get it from

So my mom cleaned my room. My room wasn't particularly messy but she cleaned it, I think she was movi h furniture, found something interesting and decided to go full out and shampoo carpets wash walls and rearrange my life. I'm only slightly concerned, I can't find a very special letter and some intimate items of mine, and its not exactly like I can say yo, ma? Whadya do with my vibrator and that love letter? Ok so actually with my mom you could and all she would say is where the items could be located, but talking about my selection of intimate items is not a conversation I'm ready to have with my mother.

The good thing about this ordeal, moms make beds much better than I ever will it is sooo much comfier now than when I do it. I'm off to sleep, its late, or early depending on how you look at it.

P.s. Happy feet is really sad and kinda cute, or is that kinda sad and really cute? Hmmm either way I had fun.

i win

Happy birthday to me... Happy birthday to me...
Happy birthday dear me...
Happy birthday to me.

Ha ha I'm first.

invincible

Artist: Hinder
Album: Extreme Behavior
Title: Lips Of An Angel

Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel


This damn song is everywhere.

So I just got back from going to see invincible with Rikki. Its the story about Philedelphia Eagles player Vincent Popele. Guy grew up in South Philly would up playing for his favorite team the Eagles and he now lives in New Jersey. I went to the movies to escape, that didn't help much. Good movie though. Hmmm. So I think ill just pretend like I'm tired now and go to sleep. I hate the nights now. So does Rikki, since her latest (and final she promised me this time and I'm holding her to it) break up with Michael. I get the feeling we are going to go to a lot of dollar movies.

So she's kinda annoyed with me right now cause she asked me what I want for my birthday and I said if you can't give me a million bucks and world peace don't bother. That's what I say to everyone cause I don't want gifts, apparently this is an unacceptable beauty queen answer. I say its not cause beauty queens don't have the audacity to ask for a million bucks. They may want it but they won't ask, whereas I ask perfect strangers for a million dollars all the time, ie. Can I help you with any thing else miss? Yeah sure, a million bucks. They usually laugh and say I wish. But the pipunt is one day someone just might say yes. Ha ha.

only in America.

I got carded the other day to buy a movie, a movie mind you. Two minutes ago I purchased five packs of cigarettes and the guy didn't even bat an eyelash. What's wrong with this picture?

too much time

I have way too much time on my hands and not nearly enough to do with it. I am only focused on une thing and I can't get it out of my head.

I didn't have a hangover by the way and I was able to brilliantly pull off that meeting with only ten mins of prep time. I guess I really do know what I'm doing. I'm bored out of my skull. I wonder what Rikki's doing? Let's see its just past eight (and I'm feeling young and reckless.the ribbon on my wrist says do not open before Christmas)sorry fall out boy, love that song... What was I talking about? Oh yeah I need staff that's not what I was talking about but if it can distract me from thinking about Susie for a few mins might be worth thinking about. I am ten staff short. I have an ad running in the paper tomorrow and in the daily Lobo till next Wednesday. Hoefully hopefully that will help cause there are a couple of people I have it on good athority are planning on just up and quitting to leave me in the lurch just before Christmas. I'm not gonna give them the chance, ill just hand them their exit papers when they come into my office.

So last night was confusing. Now that I'm not drunk it seems kinda strange. Maggie and I were flirting all night, Tanya came out of the closet, and she insisted that I go and paid my cover at the club, and she kept buying me drinks. So now I'm wondefing if she was just being nice or if there was something else going on that I didn't catch on to. And now here I sit racking my brain.

That's it from here on out I buy my own damn drinks. Unless its something like that guy Johnny that was buying for everyone including mike. I dunno I think she was just being nice. The good news is I ran into someone I used to work with and he said I was looking great. It made my whole year. Damn I wanna dance again but this time with a special man who is not gay.

Ugh I hate TV all these damned happy couples when I can't get Susie off my mind. Grrr.

And look at the damn time, I'm never gonna be able to do this. Pray for me.

sooo not looking forward to the morning

Nine fucking drinks. What the hell was I thinking?

I have to run a training in the morning. I have to be coherent and presentable by 10. Oh fuck I know what I was thinking I was thinking free drinks what the hell. Maggie's bad for me I swear. And I think she was hitting on me.

I danced too much my feet hurt damned four inch heels great for the office, killer for a night at the clubs.

I can still type on this damned blackberry keyboard that has to be a good sign right? Oh god I am not looking forward to tomorrow, I'm almost positive I'm gonna have my first real hangover. (which is what I say every time I'm hungover)

The goodnews I had a lot of fun and got to try a bunch of new drinks. And I didn't even pay cover at the clubs it pays to have a great rack.

i love ya!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!

I love ya!

I got so caught up in life I almost forgot something kinda important, To let the ones I love know I'm thinking about them. Well I am and I love you chelly bean. See totally didn't forget granted I have what less than three hours left for today, ne-ways, margaritas manana?


P.s. Mi bien quireido, I'm always thinking of you especially now that you seem so far.

Mexican trash

I was gonna title this post cinco mas but I like Mexican trash better. Only five more days till my birthday (yay!) Melissa got my present which was not tix to phantom of the opera, but I think ill live. Ill just have to see it next year.

Speaking of Melissa she has been on my nerves lately. I don't know why buy everything she says to me gets under my nerves and on my skin. Strike that reverse it (ha ha love gene wilder) I dunno.

I have a board meeting on my birthday which sucks but it doesn't really matter cause Rikki works till eight and that means Maggie and aileen will both be at the meet with me till eight. So that just leaves the rest of the party. Ha ha oh well it'll work out cause I said so.

hot toddys and theraflu

I hate it when I'm sick.

No one likes being sick drea

Hypochondriacs do

You're such a smart ass

So a woman put a curse on me today. It made me laugh my ass off. Not because I don't believe in curses or spells or anything like that, I've been brought up with those beliefs since birth. I was laughing because I have also been protected from that sort of thing since birth. Brujeria and cueanderismo run deep in my family, its in my blood, anything that someone places on me gets reflected to them. So sorry lady, its not gonna work. I kind of hope that this woman was just trying to scare me and was just bluffing, I have no desire to cause her anymore pain, but if she has she asked for it.

Ok so now that I sound like a crazy lady too...

Six days till my birthday, and I have no clue what I'm gonna do. I have a great dress to wear though so that should be fun. Ok well I'm kinda half drunk and hopped up on theraflu bad combo I know but it works. So I'm gonna cut this short.

nervous wreck

So here I lie awake anxiously awaiting news I'm not sure will ever come.

I got a strange phone call earlier I couldn't understand a word that person was saying and I couldn't call them back for an answer so I think I've been blown off for life. Who knows. Today has been an interesting day. My phone has not stopped ringing since early this morning and I didn't get to spend time talking to the one person I actually did want to speak with.

I miss him like mad. But the situation and life seem determined to keep us apart.

stress allergies and touch of a cold.

i have no voice.

which is good cause the one person i want to talk to cant talk right now anyway

i have a psychotic bitch after my job.

its kinda my fault that shes being psychotic, but really... you dont mess with a persons livlihood and expect them to lay down and take it. i've been real quiet with this person, i havent said a damn word for the sake of another, but if i get called a little fucking bitch, whore, told im going to be ruined that my world is over, that i will be taken down, i will be found, a skank, not to ever do anything, a fucking baby, that i will ruin my life through emotional betrayal, that someone is gong to get on a plane and wipe the floor with me, a tramp, or whoreasper(?) one more time i might just have to rip someone a new one. i swear a girl can only take so much before she has to fight back.

that being said. i am about ten seconds from filing a harassment suit, the only reason im not is because i dont want to make things worse for the person i am protecting.

random email stuff i had to share with everyone

You know your from new mexico when...

*You buy salsa by the gallon.
*You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago.
*Your favorite restaurant has a chile list instead of a wine list.
*Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper bags".
*Most restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los".
*You remember when Santa Fe was not like San Francisco.
*You price-shop for tortillas.
*You have an extra freezer just for green chile.
*You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.
*You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.
*You have to sign a waiver to buy hot coffee at a drive-up window.
*You know they don't skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn't sell newspapers.
*You have used aluminum foil and duct tape to repair your air conditioner.
*There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home.
*You just got your fifth DWI and got elected to the state legislature in the same week.
*You know Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state.
*You are afraid to drive through Mora, Belen and Espanola.
*You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.
*You have driven to an Indian Casino at 3am because you were hungry.
*You know whether you want "red or green."
*You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos, and Pojoaque.
*You can order your Big Mac with green chile.
*You know you will run into at least 3 cousins whenever you shop at Wal-Mart, Sam's or Home Depot.
*Tumbleweeds and various cacti in your yard are not weeds. They are your lawn.
*A package of white flour tortillas is the exact same thing as a loaf of bread.
*At any gathering, regardless of size, green chile stew, tortillas, and huge mounds of shredded cheese are mandatory.
*Prosperity can be readily determined by the number of horses you own.

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me."I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies.""What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife."Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together)."Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?)By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.
I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"OH, Gross!", they! shrieked."Well, isn't THAT just Great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. don't you?)We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted."It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified."Do something, Dad!" my son urged."Okay, okay. " Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results."Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap."Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged."I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God'ssake.)The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass."What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically."Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside."Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked."Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on hisback."He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just... just...Excited," my wife offered."Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence.Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly."What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.Tears were now running down her face.
"It's just... that... I'm picturing you pulling on its... its... teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more."That's enough," I warned.We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay."I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me."Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.2 - lizards - $140...1 - Cage - $50...Trip to the Vet - $30...Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's wacker ..... Priceless


A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately,
he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9 years
old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They
have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep
on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk. As you
might expect things start to heat up.

The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his
girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she
wants a new position.

Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!
Tomato!!!
Whoa!!!

PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts:
Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there! You're getting
mayonnaise all over my face!*!*!*!*

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looksat the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom!He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He saysto the frog, "Wow that's amazing.You must be a lucky frog, eh?The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."The man decides to take the frogwith him to the next hole."What do you think frog?" theman asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."The guy takes out a 3 wood and,Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life andasks the frog, "OK where to next?"The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, nowwhat?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.You've won me all this money andI am forever grateful."The frog replies, "Ribbit KissMe." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With akiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that, your honor, is how the girlended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

Men really care>>The room was full of pregnant women, with their partners. The Lamaze class>was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe>properly, and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurances to>their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.>>>>She said: "Ladies: remember that exercise is GOOD for you. Walking is>especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make>delivery that much easier!">>>>She looked at the men in the room. "And gentlemen, remember: you're in >this>together. So it wouldn't hurt you to go walking with your partner." The>room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a>man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the>teacher.>>>>"I was just wondering," the man said, "is it all right if she carries a >golf>bag while we walk?"

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to findher husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he hadbeen let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly$1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut.


OK listen up! As every southerner knows it's time to get ready for that all important cooking technique of the south---outdoor Grilling! I have found several stores (not just in the south) where you can get a FREE Bar-B-Q Grill! This is not a joke. You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores: A&PAlbertsonsCostcoFood LionFry'sKrogerBig LotsBrookshire'sMeijerPublixSafewaySam's ClubTargetVonsWal-MartWinn-DixieI especially like the higher shelf which can be used for keeping things warm!



Just make sure to get a metal one...the Plastic one's don't do so well when smokin a pig!

Red, Red, Red

I don't understand about complimentary colors
And what they say
Side by side they both get bright
Together they both get gray
But he's been pretty much yellow
And I've been crying blue
But all I can see is
Red, red, red, now
What am I to do?
I don't understand about
Diamonds and why men buy them
What's so impressive about a diamond
Except the mining
And it's dangerous work
Trying to get to you too
And I think if I didn't have to
Kill, myself doing it
Maybe I would glisten so much for you
I've been watching all the time
And I still can't find the track
And I wanna know is it okay
Is it just fine
Was it my fault
Is it my lack
I don't understand about
The weather outside
The harbinger to the words
Somebody lied
There's solace a bit for submitting
To the fitfully cryptically true
What's happened has happened
What's coming is already on its way
With a role for me to play
I don't understand
I'll never understand
But I'm trying to understand
There's nothing else I can do


Can I walk with you

I woke up this morning
You were the first thing on my mind
I don't know were it came from
All I know is I need you in my life, yeah
You make me feel like I can be a better woman

Can I walk with you through your life
Can I lay with you as your wife
Can I be your friend 'till the end
Can I walk with you through your life


Beautiful Surprise

It's like yesterday
I didn't even know your name
Now today
You're always on my mind
I never could have predicted that I feel this way
Intoxicated every time I hear your voice
You've got me on a natural high
It's almost like I didn't even have a choice
You're beautiful surprise
Whatever it is you came to teach me
I am here to learn it cause
I believe that we're written in the stars
I don't know the future hopes
But I'm living in the moment
And I'm thankful for the man that you are, you are, you are
You are everything I ask for in my prayers
So I know my angels brought you to my life
Your energy is healing to my soul
You're beautiful surprise
You're inspiration to my life
You're the reason why I smile
You're my beautiful surprise  


My Complicated melody

If he were a color
He'd be a deep dark forrest green
If he were a car
He'd be a long stretch limousine
With room for all of humanity inside
Cause he is so giving
And he is so wiseIf he were a number
He'd be a five cause he has such a brilliant mind
If he were an animal
He'd be an ass cause he's so stubborn sometimes
But if he were a song
He'd be a complicated melody
That complicated fellow he
I can not sing it on key
But he means the world to me
If he were a building
He'd be a beautiful cathedral
Cause he's so traditionally spiritual
If he were a dance
He'd be complicated like the tango
Exotic like a mango


Gratitude

Thankful for relaxation, complication, hibernation and irrational
Seclusion, confusion, all of my impurity and insecurity
Cause I know it's God just perfecting me
That's why
Today I take life as it comes  

bored outta my pretty little skull

People ask if I'm in love with you
Because I'm sitting here with your letter
And smiling to myself
I'm kinda lost in my own thoughts of you
My heart speaks before my mind thinks through
And I blush as I say yes

What a feeling of vulnerability coming over me
And I'm feeling weak and I can't speak
Never thought I'd give in so willingly to a human being
With abilities to set me free
Free, make me be me

Makes me want to say
Your lips, your love, your smile, your kiss
I must admit it's a part of me
You please me, complete me, believe me
Like a melody
Your soul, your flow, your truth is simply proof
We were meant to be
But the best quality thats haunting me
Is that you're loving me for me

People ask why I'm in love with you
Well, let me start by saying
You got my heart by just being who you are
And what we got is between me and you
It doesn't matter about the money I make
Or what I do,

Unconditionally you're there for me
Undeniably you inspire me, spiritually, so sweet
This is meaningful, is incredible, pleasurable, unforgettable
The way I feel, so real

Its so amazing how something so sweet
Has come and rearranged my life
I've been kissed by destiny
Oh, heaven came and saved me
An angel was placed at my feet
This isn't ordinary, he's loving me for me

So the cat that I thought was being nice was really just lying in wait for his opportunity to hit me where it hurts he ate my wonderful mascara. Wait no it wasn't just wonder ful it was fabulous too, its was wonderous. And now its cat food. I hoe he chokes on the little plastic pieces. Ok so maybe I don't actually wish that but that damn bastard ate the worlds most perfect mascara.

So as I was shopping at the mall yesterday I realized that for the first time in ages I'm not all bah humbug (it amuses me to no end the the phrase "bah humbug" is already in my blackberry's vocabulary) about them already putting up chritmas decorations. I wonder why? Oh well maybe I just have up any hope of ever having Christmas spirit like I did when I was a kid and I'm not missing it this year.

I think I have chronic fatigue syndrome I'm good to go all week and then I hit the weekend and its like now where all I want to do is lay in bed and rest a little. But Rikki and I are gonna go to the movies so ill get up and Make myself half decent. My mom said I'm just suffering from lackofsexitus and my only hope is the cure gottafindadickis if only she knew. Here I lay smelling like Shalimar driving myself crazy and thinking of Hawaii. Love sucks.

Oh pooh my sister is here and I gotta go make a thank you pecan pie. I need to get away from here for a while. I need a trip to the mountains but I promised I wouldn't go alone so I won't go alone. I also won't take anyone I'm trying to escape from so I just won't go.

Hmmm to continue from above this would be perfection

Stripped of all make up, no need for fancy clothes
No cover ups, push ups
With him, I dont have to put on a show
He loves every freckle, every curve, every inch of my skin
Fulfilling me entirely, taking all of me in
He's real,he's honest, he's loving me for me

The good news: I fixed my mirror so now I don't have to worry and hope and pray as much when I switch lanes on the freeway ill just check the lovely mirror. Yay!

only 16 days till my birthday!

Ok so I'm starting to get excited a little. I love counting down to my birthday.

This year all I want are tickets to see phantom of the opera at popejoy, I told Melissa that's what I wanted and she said sure so maybe. Doubtful I think the tix might be pricey but ill cross my fingers and hold my breath and pray cause I really wanna go.

I really watch too much PBS the worst part is I love it. I need to be back in school.

The spawn of Satan aka the cat aka babalu has started being nice to me I think its cause he got fixed but I don't know why that would make him change his attitude to me.

Maggie needs an alibi

Ok so I think I used that title befor I even knew Maggie. Hmmmm. Any hoot, so Maggie and I are bad for each other. She took me into every shoestore/department in the mall I fell in love with like ten pairs of shoes, the hot red patent leather elemenos at Macy's the sexy little t-straps from Charlotte Russe the pink suede dreams from bakers.The blue suede Jessica simpsons from, well I don't even remember where those were from. Hot boots from payless of all places(and some at bakers) and like five pair at aldo. oh dear. I'm obsessed. Purple patent leather pumps, blue frilly stillettos, grey suede and grossgrain lovelies, sophisticated split-side chopcolate treats, to die for burgandy heels, and Le piece du resistance, dominatrix hot leather anklestraps with a chain. Sigh.

The bad part is, I think I might go back to get those. Say happy birthday me and have that be that.

Ok so I would have bought them yesterday except I'm having issues con mi dinero lately meaning its disappearing at an alarming rate. Trip to urgent care for pink eye (rediculous I know but I have the kind of job where going into work with something like that is grounds for termination, and I find myself conviniently between insurance) new battery for my Sammy, new alternator for my Sammy, paying for the month before last's overages, grrr I'm making more money but its flowing out of my bank account like water through a sieve. And that stupid trip to urgent care made me dip into savings so now I'm afraid ill never get out of this place. Grrr see so I have no right to be drooling at aldo.

I was gonna start my Christmas shopping so I wouldn't have to worry about that all at the last minute but oops. I can do this I can get that done build my savings back up and make this all work out somehow. But I won't think about that any more now ill think about that tomorrow.

conjunctivitis

Let's hear it for pink eye! So yeah I have pink eye it hurts and my eye is about swplen shut .

Its no fun

bathwater

No Doubt

You and your museum of lovers
The precious collection you've housed in your covers
My simpleness threatened by my own admission
And the bags are much too heavy
In my insecure condition
My pregnant mind is fat full with envy again

But I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
I can't help it...your're my kind of man

Wanted and adored by attractive women
Bountiful selection at your discretion
I know I'm diving into my own destruction

So why do you we choose the boys that are naughty?
I don't fit in so why do you want me?
And I know I can't tame you...but I just keep trying

Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
I'm on your list with all you other women

Why do the good girls always want the bad boys?

So I pacify problems with kisses and cuddles
Diligently doubtful through all kinds of trouble
Then I find myself choking on all my contradictions
Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
Share a toothbrush.. you're my kind of man
I still love to wash in your old bathwater
Make me feel like I couldn't love another
I can't help it...you're my kind of my man

cry

I have seen peace.
I have seen pain,
Resting on the shoulders of your name.
Do you see the truth through all their lies?
Do you see the world through troubled eyes?

And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.

I have seen birth.
I have seen death.
Lived to see a lover's final breath.
Do you see my guilt?
Should I feel fright?
Is the fire of hesitation burning bright?

And if you want to talk about it once again,
On you I depend.
I'll cry on your shoulder.
You're a friend.

You and I have been through many things.
I'll hold on to your heart.
I wouldn't cry for anything,
But don't go tearing your life apart.

I have seen fear.
I have seen faith.
Seen the look of anger on your face.

And if you want to talk about what will be,
Come and sit with me, and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.

And if you want to talk about it anymore,
Lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder,
I'm a friend.

gone with the wind

i love this movie. I haven't seen it in ages though I used to feel like scarlett well except for attracting beaux like honey and being an emotional wreck all the time. Ok so maybe the wreck part too. I used to hate Melanie thinking she was too. Much of a push over but I've shifted my thinking now I still feel kind of like scarlett but I wish I could be like Melanie. Although she is still toomuch of a pushover. Ok maybe I am like scarlett waiting for my rhett without even knowing it. But she went through two husbands before she got with the love of her life and she pushed him away I would like to hoe I couldn't do that.

My seventy-two-year-old grandmother stays up later than I do

People this post is from thursday i've bearly had time to post it now

How incredibly sad is that?

So I am exhausted.

This whole salary thing sucks. I feel compelled to work because there is more work to be done but I’m not getting paid anymore for it.

All week long I have been thinking of witty or amusing things to put on my blog and I have been sitting right in front of my computer but I haven’t yet because I have no time. And when I do I’m shooting the shit. Hmmmm

I need to find balance

I need to find the safe warm fuzzy spot somewhere between my unbelievable sluggish work done by my predecessor and the grueling pace I have set for myself now. That’s ok KNO will be over and I can coast from next week to November first.

Haha that’s the thing about this job it comes in ridiculously stressful spurts. And the rest of the time my type A self that I have started to develop into is searching for things to do. Hmmm. I don’t want to be a type A person. I’m not that anal. I like fun. I just don’t remember how to have it that’s all. this song always makes me want to cry. I should take it off my play list, but I wont cause its beautiful.

Oh yeah Reba McEntire (this isn’t the song) I wont share the song because it’s a secret and its something I want to keep that way but these two songs have been stuck in my head for the past few days so I figured I’d put them down

Does He Love Me

I’ve known about you for a while now
When he leaves me he wears a smile now
As he’s away from me
In your arms is where he wants to be

But you’re the one he rushes home to
You’re the one he gave his name to
I never see his face in the early morning light
You have his mornings, his daytimes,
And sometimes, I have his night

(both)
But does he love you like he loves me?
Does he think of you when he’s holding me?
And does he whisper all his fantasies?
Does he love you like he’s been loving me?

But when he’s with me
He says he needs me
And that he wants me
That he believes in me

And when I’m in his arms
He swears there’s no one else
Is he deceiving me
Or am I deceiving myself

Shouldn’t I lose my temper

Shouldn’t I feel sad

Cause I have everything to lose

And I, I have nothing to gain


The greatest man

The greatest man I never knew
Lived just down the hall
And everyday we’d say hello
We never touched at all

He was in his paper
I was in my room
How was I to know
He thought I hung the moon?

The greatest man I never knew
Came home late every night
He never had too much to say
Too much was on his mind

I never really knew him
And now it seems so sad
Every day he gave to us
All he thought he had

Then the days turned into years
And the memories to black and white
He grew cold like an old winter wind
Blowing across my life

The greatest words I never heard
I guess I’ll never hear
The man I thought could never die
Has been dead almost a year

And he was good in business
But there was business left to do
He never said he loved me
Guess he thought I knew.

Hmmm come to think of it those songs are both sad, they don’t make me want to cry but that last song makes me real sad too. It reminds me of my dad only my dad is not dead… you get the drift.

So I need to take better care of my self. I had toast and dots for dinner. Toast and dots don’t qualify as food really, let alone dinner. Oh well.

je suis malade comment un chien

I am sick and tired and have been sleeping all day. I don't know if this post will work but I'm gonna try cause I am bored out of my skull. Oops I fell asleep again. I hate this I haven't done anything productive today and I know I'm not supposed to cause its the weekend but I haven't done anything at all not even feed myself.

I feel yucky not so much just because I'm sick but because there is no one to take care of me. I think that this is why crotchety old people stay married so that they can have someone to hold their head in their lap when they can't do anything but sleep not like I ever had that I was generally left alone or asked every three seconds if I was ok. But the hugs, the ones that lasted a few minutes and warmed me through and through, I could use one of those right now. Cause I'm cold and I'm tired and I'm crabby like I have been for the past few days. I think I need to stop fighting off these things when I know they are coming I just wind up more ill than I would have been to begin with. But you know me I always at I don't have time to be sick. Well I guess ilm just gonna have to make time cause this doesn't feel like its going away tonight.

stolen time

i swear i am sharing an office with myself.

i'm not i'm sharing it with Maggie, but she's so like me its scary.

btw the post i wrote about this has been eaten... i forgot... but i figure most everyone who reads this already knows. i got my promotion.

if anyone wants to get me a gift a nice name plate would be nice. a million dollars, him signing the papers and furniture for my apt would be better, but i'll take what i get.

i dont think i am going to be divorced until after my birthday. until after a year.

i went to a party monday and got asked about him every twenty minutes. domenick helped me prepare for this i used his line, i'm sure he's doing fine, we're getting a divorce, no i really dont want to talk about it. because i didnt and they all kept asking.

i think people are starting to notice my newfound confidence, i keep getting hit on, its good for my ego.

sunday night was weird, i dont want to talk about most of it, was a big mess that ended in grand theft auto, without me getting arrested... but the thing that turned my head the most was within like a minute of seeing me he asked how my sex life was doing. me being the smart ass i am told him i was running out of batteries before i ran to the bathroom to recompose myself. i should have told him its none of his fucking business and to go suck a cock but whatever.

i want this whole thing to be over, but i'm afraid of going to court alone. how sad is that, i want a lawyer, not to represent me, i'm perfectly capable of doing that on my own, but to hold my hand and tell me its over and everything will be fine. oh well, since its "all my fault" and i fought for everything by myself i guess i will clean up the mess by myself and be done with it.

again divorce and work... i need to get more of a life.

i did kareoke for the first (and last!) time ever without dying of embarassment. some people even applauded i figured they were deaf but whatever. one Patsy Cline and one KT Tunstall song. why i got up is a long story but they were short a singer and i was bet $50.

i got contacts. i hate them... ok so i dont quite hate them, my eyes are prettier now, but they get so dry working on the computer and i have been on the comp all day.

i'm half tempted to chop all my hair off... i'm thinking chin length bob... but i wont. i'll stick it out and wait till its long again, at least mid back... i only have like 8 inches or so left... so... never?
oh shit i gotta go i forgot i need to pick up my printer from srm before they leave for the day. so strange...

p.s. i am looking to purchase a copy of publisher (for free) from any one. i think i might have one somewhere but y'all know me and how that goes.

love y'all

America Ferreira is gorgeous

The Poet
Ralph Waldo Emerson

A moody child and wildly wise
Pursued the game with joyful eyes,
Which chose, like meteors, their way,
And rived the dark with private ray:
They overleapt the horizon’s edge,
Searched with Apollo’s privilege;
Through man, and woman, and sea, and star
Saw the dance of nature forward far;
Through worlds, and races, and terms, and times
Saw musical order, and pairing rhymes.

Olympian bards who sung
Divine ideas below,
Which always fund us young,
And always keep us so.

So I am watching Oprah… well not really watching Oprah but its on in the background and Selma Hayek came on, I love Selma, I think she’s one of the most beautiful people in the world and she’s smart and Hispanic too… any way what was I talking about oh yeah she was plugging her new show Ugly Betty, (based off one of my grandmas favorite telenovelas Betty la fea) and America Ferreira came on and I was wowed. I have loved America Ferreira since Real Women Have Curves, because she is so smart and so pretty and seems like she is such a genuinely good person and she brought up a good point, that we need more people like ugly betty in this day and age people that are more concerned with doing the best job they can and being compassionate in everyday life that it is an irony to call them ugly because they are so beautiful on the inside. She was talking about how there are so many girls in this day and age that are smart and kind and lose that while they are trying to compete with the pretty girls, that we should have more women being concerned about their achievements than their lip gloss. Ok so that’s not exactly what she said I am putting a bit of myself in there but that was the gist of it.

So I agree, wholeheartedly. I have seen girls, brilliant girls become more concerned with trivialities than with humanity. And I am afraid I am becoming one of them. My biggest concern this morning was whether or not my makeup looked ok. This afternoon when I went to visit my sister we wound up watching a show called “how do I look?” and I was wondering how people view me on the outside. I used to not care, I used to not give a flying fuck to tell you the truth, and now, now I feel like I have become more about the make up and appearance than what I am doing for the world.

I think that this struck me so much because I have been reading a lot of Emerson lately. And that whole discussion reminded me of a passage from his second series of essays:

“Those who are esteemed umpires of taste are often persons who have acquired some knowledge of admired pictures or sculptures, and have an inclination for whatever is elegant; but if you inquire whether they are beautiful souls, and whether their own acts are like fair pictures, you learn that they are selfish and sensual… But the highest minds of the world have never ceased to explore the double meaning or triple meaning or shall I say the quadruple or the centuple or much more manifold meaning of every sensuous fact…”

He continues to ramble on I think that’s why I like reading Emerson so much because you can almost see the wheels in his head turning as he flows from subject to subject connecting them together by the finest, nearly unnoticeable thread. So if those who are the judges of beauty do not have beauty within themselves what makes them fit to judge it? What is it about this society that says that the thin pretty woman who rallies for children in Cambodia but would not look twice at a homeless child here is any better than the unremarkable one on the corner trying to change her part of the world but ignoring those in the rest of it? Who decides and why? Is it better to help those in the rest of the world or those around you, but that is not the issue at hand, ignore that until I rant on about that in a different post. The issue at hand is; faced with two portraits side by side of these women one Jane Doe from the street and the other Ms. Movie Star Glamorous, which one are we more inclined, as a society to want to love?

We overlook plain people, the thing we automatically see is wow that woman is a knock out, not wow, I wonder how much character she has. Its sort of a joke to say well she has a nice personality. It implies the person is ugly, why is it not the other way around well at least she’s beautiful. I think that women should be considered both. We should look at someone and judge them inside first. It is what is inside that relationships and friendships and life is built on. I make it sound like I’m un fea myself, I’m not, but I’ll tell you what, one of my favorite quotes actually comes from a comic strip (Baldo), the little girl (Gracie?) is having a conversation with her friend and she says “I like it when people call me pretty, but I like it even better when they call me smart, because at least I had something to do with the smart” and that is the way I am the way I feel to be honest because you can call me fat you can call me ugly you can say I look like shit, and I will simply tell you to fuck off, but you call me stupid and it cuts, it cuts deep, because I would rather be known for what is inside, looks fade they change, what is en vogue now will be out in six months, but what I have inside, will be my legacy. I just want to make sure it is a good one. When people look at me and say wow you’re beautiful I want to believe them, and not just because of what they see on the outside.

Ok back to happy fluffy things… oh wait nothing is happy and fluffy right now. Oh wait, My brother just made me dinner I think the world is ending. Its just grilled cheese but coming from him that’s major. I didn’t even know he knew how to turn on the stove. He made me dinner cause I just got off the phone with him, the ex, supes, renzo, what the fuck do I call him? And I’m obviously shaken. I have been in a cruddy mood lately like snapping-peoples-heads-off, verge-of-tears, not-myself-if-I-didn’t-know-better-I’d-swear-it-was-PMS kind of cruddy mood, and that phone call didn’t help. He’s depressed, I know he’s depressed and as a friend I want to help him but in reality I cant give him what he thinks he needs, he needs to get over me, he needs to move on, he’s gotten himself into a bind financially, and I helped bail him out against my better judgment last time and I’m not gonna do it again, right now I am more concerned about getting on my feet and out of here and away from drive bys next door and I don’t think that helps all that much with all the emotional things I know he’s feeling but trying to hide until he just snaps at me and winds up making me feel like shit.

You know what I am tired of the men in my life making me feel like shit. I don’t want to stand for it any more. I am not a punching bag, I am not a doormat, my name is not mud. If you are angry about something just fucking talk to me about it don’t snip snip snip at me until it hurts, he does this my dad does every man in my life down to my brother does this. I try so hard to not hurt you people, even when I’m hurt and I want to lash out, and you keep cutting at me, and its always cutting down the little I have built up of my confidence in one part or another. I am starting to be able to say I love myself and I cant do that if y’all keep knocking me down.

Ok enough about that

Happy thoughts drea happy thoughts….

Hopefully by this time next week I will actually be Ms. New Boss and not just doing the work for less pay (speaking of doormat) I am looking forward to doing something with that office, I will be sharing it though :( but that’s ok I like Maggie our new office manager so that’s no biggie. And we seem to have the same style. So… break out the sewing machine I’m gonna be making curtains… oh yeah I’m not letting myself get excited about that because I keep fearing I’m not gonna get it for some reason. I don’t know I think I’ve been experiencing so much good lately I keep thinking something bad has to happen. I don’t feel like I deserve the fortune that has fallen upon me lately, but, on the other hand, I’ve worked hard for it and I’m going to take it.

Grrrr! the Invest in Youth (IIY) fundraising campaign is about to start up again… I like IIY… I’m actually in charge of allotting the scholarships now so I know how much we need the money, I just don’t like fundraising. I don’t like having to go to the boring luncheons. I don’t like stressing about raising just ten thousand more dollars, than five thousand, then one thousand, then five hundred, then one hundred. And last year I donated 260 (26 paychecks X $10/check, not bad $260 in one chunk yeah fucking right!) of my own money and I think they expect me to donate that much or more this year, the problem with that is this time last year I had two incomes, now I’m on my own… honestly $10/ check isn’t much, I would probably spend it on nail polish or shoes or other things I really don’t need but I can’t top that… they want more from me they can kiss my ass. I am in charge of raising $35,000 this year. It seems like an insurmountable figure from here. I’m sitting here thinking and what the fuck was I thinking wanting this position? The position that I am doing all the work for but have not been officially awarded yet and am most definitely not compensated for. Damn they’re lucky I love the Y

Ugh! I am sitting here worrying about work and my divorce and all the things I hadn’t intended to talk about so I think I’m gonna go watch CSI (mmm Warrick Nick and Grisom) or take a bath to relax or something. I need to relax I am so wound up I cant even allow myself to release pent up energy doing anything.

P.S. As a side note: For those of you who will be in town the zoo is having a zoo crazy day on Saturday its for kids 5-12 free admission for the kids with an adult purchase and they get to learn all sorts of things about health and hygiene and animal cruelty and other things that we thrust upon the young. There will be free games and fun and (shudder) clowns and such and they can register for free things. I will be at there with the JDRF booth from 11-1:00 and walking around helping out after that y’all should show up.

Morning Wisdom

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...A set of screwdrivers, A cordless drill, and A black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...One friend who Always makes her Laugh...And one Who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...A good piece of furniture Not previously owned byAnyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE Eight matching plates, Wine glasses with stems, And a recipe for a meal that will Make her guests feel honored.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... A feeling of control over Her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to fall in love Without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... When to try harder... And WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That she can't change The length of her calves, The width of her hips, or The nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That her childhood May not have been Perfect... But; Its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... What she would and Wouldn'tDo for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to live alone... Even if She doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Whom she can trust, Whom she can't, And why she shouldn't Take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Where to go.. Be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. Or a charming inn in the woods... When her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she can and can't accomplish In a day... A month... And a year...

migraine

Sunday September 17, 2006 2:45 P.M.

My new name is The Petitioner. This is making me seriously reconsider getting a lawyer, I probably would except that I have no money, and if I did have money it would be quickly spent on shoes after this endeavor. I need some seriously hot shoes after this. I will probably blow an entire paycheck on shoes after this bullshit is done. (Ok so I’m a little more responsible than that… not the whole check ;) …)

I’m baking bread doing laundry and typing up, The Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, an Appearance Consent and Waiver, The final Decree, and Marital Settlement Agreement. Remind me to never become a lawyer, or a paralegal, or a secretary for that matter. My eye is twitching, has been for about two hours now, and my head is ready to explode. I still need his help in some things, like his Financial Statement (everything is friggin capitalized) and his signature in five million places, but as long as all of this works out, so long as I worded everything correctly, (and after checking double checking and rechecking I feel pretty confident I have) all he’ll have to do is sign, he won’t even have to show up in court. Which seems a bit unfair, but since when has anything ever been fair?

So, I am taking a break from typing, by uh... typing? Ha! Go fig. I would be writing, it is more physically satisfying and a bit more therapeutic, but I don’t feel like writing, I have a brand new journal that I bought last week and it is sitting right in front of me full of blank pages and possibilities. It is hardcover, spiral bound, sky blue, and has the word RELAX on the cover… maybe that’s the problem, I feel like getting this done, I don’t feel like relaxing. I just needed a break I was starting to speak legalese, and the cat was looking at me like I’m crazier than him.

I had a dream of my new apartment last night… I haven’t even officially decided on which one and here I am dreaming of it. It was nice I had no furniture, but the space was mine and I had a beautiful kitchen fabulous bathroom and a full closet, which is pretty realistic, cause I have everything for my kitchen and my bathroom and my closet, I just have to get a bedroom set, a sofa, a coffee table a new desk a… well quite frankly everything else… including a bed… need to get a bed. I think I’m just gonna buy a full because I’ve gotten used to sleeping on a twin and its just gonna be me so I don’t need all that space, I would say I could just buy a twin, but gee, I’m older than ten.

So my mother is in the other room watching Far and Away in Spanish… Un Horizonte Lejano which translates into “a far horizon” this just seems funny to me for some reason, tom cruise in Spanish is almost as funny as tom cruise in Japanese and I have decided that I need to have some ice cream… not want, NEED at this point. My mom was smart and when I woke up this morning and started working on the papers she started cooking comfort food… I think I will be 20 lbs heavier by the time today is over… maybe not, I had some enchiladas (which is funny cause that’s what me and lissa made for dinner last night but they were not nearly as good or comforting as my moms) and now I am going to go and buy a quart of ice cream and I promise, promise not to eat the whole damn thing myself… or at least to try not to.

Lol my mom just put her battle hair do on, she thinks she looks like a samurai, she kind of does, I think just think she’s high, that was meant as a joke but its probably true, my mom is almost always high when she’s home, so its quite possible. She is doing battle on her eyebrows, which I think is funny, but appropriate. Oh yeah I was leaving to go and get ice cream… by the time this is done maybe I wont even need ice cream. I’m going to leave now luck favors the prepared and I would rather have it and not eat it than to go into a sudden craving for it in like twenty minutes and kill someone to go to the store for me… I totally meant convince, not kill, they don’t drive well when they are dead. And the only person home is my mom and she would kill me long before I got the chance to even touch her. She’s scary sometimes.

Ha ha Malinda said she lost 80 lbs right after her divorce, I’m thinking that’s impossible. Malinda is tiny, and eats like a horse; I don’t think her divorce had anything to do with it. Either that or she wasn’t seriously contemplating eating an entire quart of ice cream… the only reason I wont is because I don’t think it will make me feel any better and I would probably puke. Maybe I’ll just get fruit bars or something… yeah… I’ll be back and I’m sure I will write on here some more.

I’m back… they say caffeine is supposed to relieve migraines so here I am with some Dryers slow churned Mocha Almond Fudge ice cream… it has coffee in it right? It’s helping. Hmmm go figure that one. I’m nearing completion on everything bread, laundry, this bowl of ice cream and papers… and I think I might just be done for the day.

Ok now its nine o’clock and I’m done for the day… for real this time. I’ve been working on this since 8:00 this morning, and I’m not done… almost, but not quite. The rest of the stuff is things that I need his cooperation on, so it’s not like I’m gonna get anywhere tonight, or this week for that matter. Because our work schedules collide meaning he’s not at work when I am and I’m not when he is, and all the other time I am sleeping. Cause I go to bed early or he’s sleeping cause he wakes up late, ok not late but when you leave for work at 600 everything seems late.

I’m freezing and I cant get warm I am sitting here in stretch pants covered in flannel pj bottoms a tank top a tee shirt a big fuzzy sweater, thick socks, pink poofy fuzzy bunny slippers, a heating pad on my back and a heating sack around my shoulders, a knit cap, and I am still freezing. Its sixty degrees out side and much warmer than that in here but I feel like a friggin Popsicle. My skin is cold. I am this bundled up and my skin is cold. I must be dying… ok so everyone is dying and I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with me to make me keel over any sooner, but you never know. That’s my answer to a broken finger nail ugh! I'm dying!

This is ridiculous my temperature is 95.8 I have hypothermia, why? I don’t know. They say that Thomas Jefferson died from hypothermia from eating too much ice cream on a hot day. I had ice cream today, but it was only one small bowl and that was a few hours ago. And it’s not a hot day. So… yeah… I’ll just wrap myself up some more and eat soup.

Yay my mommy loves me she’s making me drink tea and stop complaining and assuring me the world is not coming to an end. I’ll believe her cause she can lie to me about as well as I can lie to her which is not at all, that and my mom is sort of a spaz at times and if the world was ending she would not be this calm and would not be making me tea, she’d be making sure I have clean underwear on (do I have underwear on?) and telling me to start praying.

I love this tea cup my uncle Joe brought it from Japan it’s the perfect size and it has a lid so it can hold the tea at the perfect temperature and it’s very pretty. It is white porcelain with blue butterflies all over, it has been my favorite for quite some time so it has a chip in it just below the lip which has been stained from use after use, I think I need to convince my mom to let me have it after I have an apartment, but I have so many tea cups I already know the answer will be no. just as well, don’t need it anyway. :( . I also like this tea its made by exotica and its Osmanthus tea, apparently Osmanthus is a flower commonly used in fragrances and this stuff smells so good, I’m usually a green tea person and I like exotica’s china white tea the best but its black tea, so I could put honey, but I am anti honey lately,. I have the strangest desire to smear it all over someone but not to drink it.

My phone has not rung all day; I think the world really is coming to an end. I have gotten texts from Justine and Rikki but no calls all day. I hope I didn’t forget to pay it again… wait, no not due yet, not nearly. Hmmm…

I think I am going to go to bed now, it is nearly ten and I am mentally exhausted… that and I really want to snuggle up to my pillow (his name is DD) and get under seven layers of blankets, my woobie is fresh out of the dryer and its almost my bed time anyway.
So good night world I will see you again in a few hours.