The fun of going into the crisp outdoors to find the perfect tree. The beauty of real branches upenung up to cradle long time favorite ornaments. The subtle scent of evergreen that says the holidays are here.
For generations real Christmas trees have stood at the center of our most chrished holiday traditions, but did you know that by choosing a real tree you can do something beautiful for the forest?
Christmas trees are grown on managed forestlands which are usually family owned. In managed forests a balance is carefully maintained between our need for wood and paper and the needs of the environment to remain healthy and abundant. That's why for every tree harvested in a managed forest, up to three more are planted each spring. And the millions of new trees help to keep the air and water clean and provide habitat for all sorts of wildlife and prevent soil erosion.
Also there are plenty of ways to recycle a tree when the holidays are over from reusing the wood to donating it for processing to be used in playgrounds.
So I plea. Buy a real tree and put something pretty under it for me.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Monday, December 18, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
cant sleep
I don't know why I can't sleep but here I lie tossing and turning and I've finally given up and decided to write.
Unfortunately, I have nothing really to say. I'm comfy as can be in my big white shirt and soft black panties, necessary because I keep pacing but very comfy, my room is at a comfortable sleeping temperature. There are no lights no noises, I've taken care of everything I can take care of today.
Tomorrow we begin our selection for the new exec.well the staff part. I already had one of the candidates, Paul, Tuesdays appointment I think, call to ask me some questions, breaking the rules and crossing the line between confident and cocky. I need to get out the winter camp schedule. I have a couple phone calls to return, but those are all things ill have to take care of tomorrow. I did timesheets I have winter camp mostly planned out I need one day with all the site directors to catch up curriculum and do a little training on some things I got out of that workshop. But that is all for later Why am I awake now?
My personal life is in a good place, its been this way for the past few months some things are worse some are better some are just complicated. But I've come to terms with all things there, except I didn't think I could get so shaken by a phone call. I guess I am a little stirred up there.
Monetarily I'm fine, I'm not great but I'm fine. I'm not worried about my job. I've somehow mostly skipped the winter blues. I want to start running again but I need the time and new shoes. I guess I can wear the heavy ones till January cause both of my light ones are getting worn through the soles and I promised myself no shoes till January which just sucks cause there's this really great pair I fell in love with at payless. And payless is cheap. I need to remember to ask Yvette about my benefits because I will have been in the position three months in January. I think I'm gonna take karate with Justine cause she wants to do something together at the community center and I doubt I can get her to do a dance class. I might just take ballroom dance by myself though. Oh hey I think this random ranting is working my eyelids are getting heavy
ttfn
love,
Drea
Unfortunately, I have nothing really to say. I'm comfy as can be in my big white shirt and soft black panties, necessary because I keep pacing but very comfy, my room is at a comfortable sleeping temperature. There are no lights no noises, I've taken care of everything I can take care of today.
Tomorrow we begin our selection for the new exec.well the staff part. I already had one of the candidates, Paul, Tuesdays appointment I think, call to ask me some questions, breaking the rules and crossing the line between confident and cocky. I need to get out the winter camp schedule. I have a couple phone calls to return, but those are all things ill have to take care of tomorrow. I did timesheets I have winter camp mostly planned out I need one day with all the site directors to catch up curriculum and do a little training on some things I got out of that workshop. But that is all for later Why am I awake now?
My personal life is in a good place, its been this way for the past few months some things are worse some are better some are just complicated. But I've come to terms with all things there, except I didn't think I could get so shaken by a phone call. I guess I am a little stirred up there.
Monetarily I'm fine, I'm not great but I'm fine. I'm not worried about my job. I've somehow mostly skipped the winter blues. I want to start running again but I need the time and new shoes. I guess I can wear the heavy ones till January cause both of my light ones are getting worn through the soles and I promised myself no shoes till January which just sucks cause there's this really great pair I fell in love with at payless. And payless is cheap. I need to remember to ask Yvette about my benefits because I will have been in the position three months in January. I think I'm gonna take karate with Justine cause she wants to do something together at the community center and I doubt I can get her to do a dance class. I might just take ballroom dance by myself though. Oh hey I think this random ranting is working my eyelids are getting heavy
ttfn
love,
Drea
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
NM forum for youth summit.
Youth is defined by the state of New Mexico as persons between birth and thw age of 24. I am youth. I am at a summit where the outcome is bleak for youth. I think I should stand up and use myself as an example. Look grew up under poverty level no heath insurance public education no real male figure and I'm not quite as fucked up as you all would like to hope.
I am a productive citizen driven to show the world that their statistics mean nothing. I am not a pregnant drop out on welfare like they said I would be and they need to stop telling kids like I was that that's all they will be. Ooh I'm mad. We as a society sincerely need to stop saying things like this to our childen the ones who are smart enough to understand what they listen to, have the ambition sapped right out of them. And the ones that have a brain to ignore it are too few.
I guess that its not that they are saying this to the youth of new Mexico, its the fact that they are specifying the Hispanic and native American youth of new Mexico. I am furious. This whole packet in front of me is divided into three sections, Hispanic all races, native Americans, and non-Hispanics all races. And they wonder why I don't consider myself white. Its the mentality that we are brought up with. I have spent my whole life hearing that I will be a failure. And I figured it would end but grrr here they are passing their bullshit on to the next generation.
I won't stand for it this has to change and I need to find a way.
I am about to go into the last segment of my evening. I will post more later if I haven't gone berzerk and tackled someone and been thrown in jail by the end of this night. Oh wait I won't do that because that would prove them right.
Oh yeah p.s. Mags, can't edit wishlist from my phone.
I am a productive citizen driven to show the world that their statistics mean nothing. I am not a pregnant drop out on welfare like they said I would be and they need to stop telling kids like I was that that's all they will be. Ooh I'm mad. We as a society sincerely need to stop saying things like this to our childen the ones who are smart enough to understand what they listen to, have the ambition sapped right out of them. And the ones that have a brain to ignore it are too few.
I guess that its not that they are saying this to the youth of new Mexico, its the fact that they are specifying the Hispanic and native American youth of new Mexico. I am furious. This whole packet in front of me is divided into three sections, Hispanic all races, native Americans, and non-Hispanics all races. And they wonder why I don't consider myself white. Its the mentality that we are brought up with. I have spent my whole life hearing that I will be a failure. And I figured it would end but grrr here they are passing their bullshit on to the next generation.
I won't stand for it this has to change and I need to find a way.
I am about to go into the last segment of my evening. I will post more later if I haven't gone berzerk and tackled someone and been thrown in jail by the end of this night. Oh wait I won't do that because that would prove them right.
Oh yeah p.s. Mags, can't edit wishlist from my phone.
Monday, December 04, 2006
sadomasochistic
Is it sadism masochism or both when you enjoy inflicting pain on yourself?
Sorry that thought just ran through my head as I was tweezing my eyebrows and giving myself a mani pedi.
So the electricity in my room is shot. A couple days ago my choice was heat or TV didn't bother me much I'm not much of a TV person, but now I have neither...so I get to find the short. This will be fun, unfortunately it will have to wait till this weekend cause its a very busy week for me. Ill just break out more blankets, or sleep in the living room.
Sorry that thought just ran through my head as I was tweezing my eyebrows and giving myself a mani pedi.
So the electricity in my room is shot. A couple days ago my choice was heat or TV didn't bother me much I'm not much of a TV person, but now I have neither...so I get to find the short. This will be fun, unfortunately it will have to wait till this weekend cause its a very busy week for me. Ill just break out more blankets, or sleep in the living room.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
only in America.
I got carded the other day to buy a movie, a movie mind you. Two minutes ago I purchased five packs of cigarettes and the guy didn't even bat an eyelash. What's wrong with this picture?
Friday, September 22, 2006
America Ferreira is gorgeous
The Poet
Ralph Waldo Emerson
A moody child and wildly wise
Pursued the game with joyful eyes,
Which chose, like meteors, their way,
And rived the dark with private ray:
They overleapt the horizon’s edge,
Searched with Apollo’s privilege;
Through man, and woman, and sea, and star
Saw the dance of nature forward far;
Through worlds, and races, and terms, and times
Saw musical order, and pairing rhymes.
Olympian bards who sung
Divine ideas below,
Which always fund us young,
And always keep us so.
So I am watching Oprah… well not really watching Oprah but its on in the background and Selma Hayek came on, I love Selma, I think she’s one of the most beautiful people in the world and she’s smart and Hispanic too… any way what was I talking about oh yeah she was plugging her new show Ugly Betty, (based off one of my grandmas favorite telenovelas Betty la fea) and America Ferreira came on and I was wowed. I have loved America Ferreira since Real Women Have Curves, because she is so smart and so pretty and seems like she is such a genuinely good person and she brought up a good point, that we need more people like ugly betty in this day and age people that are more concerned with doing the best job they can and being compassionate in everyday life that it is an irony to call them ugly because they are so beautiful on the inside. She was talking about how there are so many girls in this day and age that are smart and kind and lose that while they are trying to compete with the pretty girls, that we should have more women being concerned about their achievements than their lip gloss. Ok so that’s not exactly what she said I am putting a bit of myself in there but that was the gist of it.
So I agree, wholeheartedly. I have seen girls, brilliant girls become more concerned with trivialities than with humanity. And I am afraid I am becoming one of them. My biggest concern this morning was whether or not my makeup looked ok. This afternoon when I went to visit my sister we wound up watching a show called “how do I look?” and I was wondering how people view me on the outside. I used to not care, I used to not give a flying fuck to tell you the truth, and now, now I feel like I have become more about the make up and appearance than what I am doing for the world.
I think that this struck me so much because I have been reading a lot of Emerson lately. And that whole discussion reminded me of a passage from his second series of essays:
“Those who are esteemed umpires of taste are often persons who have acquired some knowledge of admired pictures or sculptures, and have an inclination for whatever is elegant; but if you inquire whether they are beautiful souls, and whether their own acts are like fair pictures, you learn that they are selfish and sensual… But the highest minds of the world have never ceased to explore the double meaning or triple meaning or shall I say the quadruple or the centuple or much more manifold meaning of every sensuous fact…”
He continues to ramble on I think that’s why I like reading Emerson so much because you can almost see the wheels in his head turning as he flows from subject to subject connecting them together by the finest, nearly unnoticeable thread. So if those who are the judges of beauty do not have beauty within themselves what makes them fit to judge it? What is it about this society that says that the thin pretty woman who rallies for children in Cambodia but would not look twice at a homeless child here is any better than the unremarkable one on the corner trying to change her part of the world but ignoring those in the rest of it? Who decides and why? Is it better to help those in the rest of the world or those around you, but that is not the issue at hand, ignore that until I rant on about that in a different post. The issue at hand is; faced with two portraits side by side of these women one Jane Doe from the street and the other Ms. Movie Star Glamorous, which one are we more inclined, as a society to want to love?
We overlook plain people, the thing we automatically see is wow that woman is a knock out, not wow, I wonder how much character she has. Its sort of a joke to say well she has a nice personality. It implies the person is ugly, why is it not the other way around well at least she’s beautiful. I think that women should be considered both. We should look at someone and judge them inside first. It is what is inside that relationships and friendships and life is built on. I make it sound like I’m un fea myself, I’m not, but I’ll tell you what, one of my favorite quotes actually comes from a comic strip (Baldo), the little girl (Gracie?) is having a conversation with her friend and she says “I like it when people call me pretty, but I like it even better when they call me smart, because at least I had something to do with the smart” and that is the way I am the way I feel to be honest because you can call me fat you can call me ugly you can say I look like shit, and I will simply tell you to fuck off, but you call me stupid and it cuts, it cuts deep, because I would rather be known for what is inside, looks fade they change, what is en vogue now will be out in six months, but what I have inside, will be my legacy. I just want to make sure it is a good one. When people look at me and say wow you’re beautiful I want to believe them, and not just because of what they see on the outside.
Ok back to happy fluffy things… oh wait nothing is happy and fluffy right now. Oh wait, My brother just made me dinner I think the world is ending. Its just grilled cheese but coming from him that’s major. I didn’t even know he knew how to turn on the stove. He made me dinner cause I just got off the phone with him, the ex, supes, renzo, what the fuck do I call him? And I’m obviously shaken. I have been in a cruddy mood lately like snapping-peoples-heads-off, verge-of-tears, not-myself-if-I-didn’t-know-better-I’d-swear-it-was-PMS kind of cruddy mood, and that phone call didn’t help. He’s depressed, I know he’s depressed and as a friend I want to help him but in reality I cant give him what he thinks he needs, he needs to get over me, he needs to move on, he’s gotten himself into a bind financially, and I helped bail him out against my better judgment last time and I’m not gonna do it again, right now I am more concerned about getting on my feet and out of here and away from drive bys next door and I don’t think that helps all that much with all the emotional things I know he’s feeling but trying to hide until he just snaps at me and winds up making me feel like shit.
You know what I am tired of the men in my life making me feel like shit. I don’t want to stand for it any more. I am not a punching bag, I am not a doormat, my name is not mud. If you are angry about something just fucking talk to me about it don’t snip snip snip at me until it hurts, he does this my dad does every man in my life down to my brother does this. I try so hard to not hurt you people, even when I’m hurt and I want to lash out, and you keep cutting at me, and its always cutting down the little I have built up of my confidence in one part or another. I am starting to be able to say I love myself and I cant do that if y’all keep knocking me down.
Ok enough about that
Happy thoughts drea happy thoughts….
Hopefully by this time next week I will actually be Ms. New Boss and not just doing the work for less pay (speaking of doormat) I am looking forward to doing something with that office, I will be sharing it though :( but that’s ok I like Maggie our new office manager so that’s no biggie. And we seem to have the same style. So… break out the sewing machine I’m gonna be making curtains… oh yeah I’m not letting myself get excited about that because I keep fearing I’m not gonna get it for some reason. I don’t know I think I’ve been experiencing so much good lately I keep thinking something bad has to happen. I don’t feel like I deserve the fortune that has fallen upon me lately, but, on the other hand, I’ve worked hard for it and I’m going to take it.
Grrrr! the Invest in Youth (IIY) fundraising campaign is about to start up again… I like IIY… I’m actually in charge of allotting the scholarships now so I know how much we need the money, I just don’t like fundraising. I don’t like having to go to the boring luncheons. I don’t like stressing about raising just ten thousand more dollars, than five thousand, then one thousand, then five hundred, then one hundred. And last year I donated 260 (26 paychecks X $10/check, not bad $260 in one chunk yeah fucking right!) of my own money and I think they expect me to donate that much or more this year, the problem with that is this time last year I had two incomes, now I’m on my own… honestly $10/ check isn’t much, I would probably spend it on nail polish or shoes or other things I really don’t need but I can’t top that… they want more from me they can kiss my ass. I am in charge of raising $35,000 this year. It seems like an insurmountable figure from here. I’m sitting here thinking and what the fuck was I thinking wanting this position? The position that I am doing all the work for but have not been officially awarded yet and am most definitely not compensated for. Damn they’re lucky I love the Y
Ugh! I am sitting here worrying about work and my divorce and all the things I hadn’t intended to talk about so I think I’m gonna go watch CSI (mmm Warrick Nick and Grisom) or take a bath to relax or something. I need to relax I am so wound up I cant even allow myself to release pent up energy doing anything.
P.S. As a side note: For those of you who will be in town the zoo is having a zoo crazy day on Saturday its for kids 5-12 free admission for the kids with an adult purchase and they get to learn all sorts of things about health and hygiene and animal cruelty and other things that we thrust upon the young. There will be free games and fun and (shudder) clowns and such and they can register for free things. I will be at there with the JDRF booth from 11-1:00 and walking around helping out after that y’all should show up.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
A moody child and wildly wise
Pursued the game with joyful eyes,
Which chose, like meteors, their way,
And rived the dark with private ray:
They overleapt the horizon’s edge,
Searched with Apollo’s privilege;
Through man, and woman, and sea, and star
Saw the dance of nature forward far;
Through worlds, and races, and terms, and times
Saw musical order, and pairing rhymes.
Olympian bards who sung
Divine ideas below,
Which always fund us young,
And always keep us so.
So I am watching Oprah… well not really watching Oprah but its on in the background and Selma Hayek came on, I love Selma, I think she’s one of the most beautiful people in the world and she’s smart and Hispanic too… any way what was I talking about oh yeah she was plugging her new show Ugly Betty, (based off one of my grandmas favorite telenovelas Betty la fea) and America Ferreira came on and I was wowed. I have loved America Ferreira since Real Women Have Curves, because she is so smart and so pretty and seems like she is such a genuinely good person and she brought up a good point, that we need more people like ugly betty in this day and age people that are more concerned with doing the best job they can and being compassionate in everyday life that it is an irony to call them ugly because they are so beautiful on the inside. She was talking about how there are so many girls in this day and age that are smart and kind and lose that while they are trying to compete with the pretty girls, that we should have more women being concerned about their achievements than their lip gloss. Ok so that’s not exactly what she said I am putting a bit of myself in there but that was the gist of it.
So I agree, wholeheartedly. I have seen girls, brilliant girls become more concerned with trivialities than with humanity. And I am afraid I am becoming one of them. My biggest concern this morning was whether or not my makeup looked ok. This afternoon when I went to visit my sister we wound up watching a show called “how do I look?” and I was wondering how people view me on the outside. I used to not care, I used to not give a flying fuck to tell you the truth, and now, now I feel like I have become more about the make up and appearance than what I am doing for the world.
I think that this struck me so much because I have been reading a lot of Emerson lately. And that whole discussion reminded me of a passage from his second series of essays:
“Those who are esteemed umpires of taste are often persons who have acquired some knowledge of admired pictures or sculptures, and have an inclination for whatever is elegant; but if you inquire whether they are beautiful souls, and whether their own acts are like fair pictures, you learn that they are selfish and sensual… But the highest minds of the world have never ceased to explore the double meaning or triple meaning or shall I say the quadruple or the centuple or much more manifold meaning of every sensuous fact…”
He continues to ramble on I think that’s why I like reading Emerson so much because you can almost see the wheels in his head turning as he flows from subject to subject connecting them together by the finest, nearly unnoticeable thread. So if those who are the judges of beauty do not have beauty within themselves what makes them fit to judge it? What is it about this society that says that the thin pretty woman who rallies for children in Cambodia but would not look twice at a homeless child here is any better than the unremarkable one on the corner trying to change her part of the world but ignoring those in the rest of it? Who decides and why? Is it better to help those in the rest of the world or those around you, but that is not the issue at hand, ignore that until I rant on about that in a different post. The issue at hand is; faced with two portraits side by side of these women one Jane Doe from the street and the other Ms. Movie Star Glamorous, which one are we more inclined, as a society to want to love?
We overlook plain people, the thing we automatically see is wow that woman is a knock out, not wow, I wonder how much character she has. Its sort of a joke to say well she has a nice personality. It implies the person is ugly, why is it not the other way around well at least she’s beautiful. I think that women should be considered both. We should look at someone and judge them inside first. It is what is inside that relationships and friendships and life is built on. I make it sound like I’m un fea myself, I’m not, but I’ll tell you what, one of my favorite quotes actually comes from a comic strip (Baldo), the little girl (Gracie?) is having a conversation with her friend and she says “I like it when people call me pretty, but I like it even better when they call me smart, because at least I had something to do with the smart” and that is the way I am the way I feel to be honest because you can call me fat you can call me ugly you can say I look like shit, and I will simply tell you to fuck off, but you call me stupid and it cuts, it cuts deep, because I would rather be known for what is inside, looks fade they change, what is en vogue now will be out in six months, but what I have inside, will be my legacy. I just want to make sure it is a good one. When people look at me and say wow you’re beautiful I want to believe them, and not just because of what they see on the outside.
Ok back to happy fluffy things… oh wait nothing is happy and fluffy right now. Oh wait, My brother just made me dinner I think the world is ending. Its just grilled cheese but coming from him that’s major. I didn’t even know he knew how to turn on the stove. He made me dinner cause I just got off the phone with him, the ex, supes, renzo, what the fuck do I call him? And I’m obviously shaken. I have been in a cruddy mood lately like snapping-peoples-heads-off, verge-of-tears, not-myself-if-I-didn’t-know-better-I’d-swear-it-was-PMS kind of cruddy mood, and that phone call didn’t help. He’s depressed, I know he’s depressed and as a friend I want to help him but in reality I cant give him what he thinks he needs, he needs to get over me, he needs to move on, he’s gotten himself into a bind financially, and I helped bail him out against my better judgment last time and I’m not gonna do it again, right now I am more concerned about getting on my feet and out of here and away from drive bys next door and I don’t think that helps all that much with all the emotional things I know he’s feeling but trying to hide until he just snaps at me and winds up making me feel like shit.
You know what I am tired of the men in my life making me feel like shit. I don’t want to stand for it any more. I am not a punching bag, I am not a doormat, my name is not mud. If you are angry about something just fucking talk to me about it don’t snip snip snip at me until it hurts, he does this my dad does every man in my life down to my brother does this. I try so hard to not hurt you people, even when I’m hurt and I want to lash out, and you keep cutting at me, and its always cutting down the little I have built up of my confidence in one part or another. I am starting to be able to say I love myself and I cant do that if y’all keep knocking me down.
Ok enough about that
Happy thoughts drea happy thoughts….
Hopefully by this time next week I will actually be Ms. New Boss and not just doing the work for less pay (speaking of doormat) I am looking forward to doing something with that office, I will be sharing it though :( but that’s ok I like Maggie our new office manager so that’s no biggie. And we seem to have the same style. So… break out the sewing machine I’m gonna be making curtains… oh yeah I’m not letting myself get excited about that because I keep fearing I’m not gonna get it for some reason. I don’t know I think I’ve been experiencing so much good lately I keep thinking something bad has to happen. I don’t feel like I deserve the fortune that has fallen upon me lately, but, on the other hand, I’ve worked hard for it and I’m going to take it.
Grrrr! the Invest in Youth (IIY) fundraising campaign is about to start up again… I like IIY… I’m actually in charge of allotting the scholarships now so I know how much we need the money, I just don’t like fundraising. I don’t like having to go to the boring luncheons. I don’t like stressing about raising just ten thousand more dollars, than five thousand, then one thousand, then five hundred, then one hundred. And last year I donated 260 (26 paychecks X $10/check, not bad $260 in one chunk yeah fucking right!) of my own money and I think they expect me to donate that much or more this year, the problem with that is this time last year I had two incomes, now I’m on my own… honestly $10/ check isn’t much, I would probably spend it on nail polish or shoes or other things I really don’t need but I can’t top that… they want more from me they can kiss my ass. I am in charge of raising $35,000 this year. It seems like an insurmountable figure from here. I’m sitting here thinking and what the fuck was I thinking wanting this position? The position that I am doing all the work for but have not been officially awarded yet and am most definitely not compensated for. Damn they’re lucky I love the Y
Ugh! I am sitting here worrying about work and my divorce and all the things I hadn’t intended to talk about so I think I’m gonna go watch CSI (mmm Warrick Nick and Grisom) or take a bath to relax or something. I need to relax I am so wound up I cant even allow myself to release pent up energy doing anything.
P.S. As a side note: For those of you who will be in town the zoo is having a zoo crazy day on Saturday its for kids 5-12 free admission for the kids with an adult purchase and they get to learn all sorts of things about health and hygiene and animal cruelty and other things that we thrust upon the young. There will be free games and fun and (shudder) clowns and such and they can register for free things. I will be at there with the JDRF booth from 11-1:00 and walking around helping out after that y’all should show up.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Morning Wisdom
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...A set of screwdrivers, A cordless drill, and A black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...One friend who Always makes her Laugh...And one Who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...A good piece of furniture Not previously owned byAnyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE Eight matching plates, Wine glasses with stems, And a recipe for a meal that will Make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... A feeling of control over Her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to fall in love Without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... When to try harder... And WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That she can't change The length of her calves, The width of her hips, or The nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That her childhood May not have been Perfect... But; Its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... What she would and Wouldn'tDo for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to live alone... Even if She doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Whom she can trust, Whom she can't, And why she shouldn't Take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Where to go.. Be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. Or a charming inn in the woods... When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she can and can't accomplish In a day... A month... And a year...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...One friend who Always makes her Laugh...And one Who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...A good piece of furniture Not previously owned byAnyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE Eight matching plates, Wine glasses with stems, And a recipe for a meal that will Make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... A feeling of control over Her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to fall in love Without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... When to try harder... And WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That she can't change The length of her calves, The width of her hips, or The nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That her childhood May not have been Perfect... But; Its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... What she would and Wouldn'tDo for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to live alone... Even if She doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Whom she can trust, Whom she can't, And why she shouldn't Take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Where to go.. Be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. Or a charming inn in the woods... When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she can and can't accomplish In a day... A month... And a year...
Monday, September 18, 2006
migraine
Sunday September 17, 2006 2:45 P.M.
My new name is The Petitioner. This is making me seriously reconsider getting a lawyer, I probably would except that I have no money, and if I did have money it would be quickly spent on shoes after this endeavor. I need some seriously hot shoes after this. I will probably blow an entire paycheck on shoes after this bullshit is done. (Ok so I’m a little more responsible than that… not the whole check ;) …)
I’m baking bread doing laundry and typing up, The Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, an Appearance Consent and Waiver, The final Decree, and Marital Settlement Agreement. Remind me to never become a lawyer, or a paralegal, or a secretary for that matter. My eye is twitching, has been for about two hours now, and my head is ready to explode. I still need his help in some things, like his Financial Statement (everything is friggin capitalized) and his signature in five million places, but as long as all of this works out, so long as I worded everything correctly, (and after checking double checking and rechecking I feel pretty confident I have) all he’ll have to do is sign, he won’t even have to show up in court. Which seems a bit unfair, but since when has anything ever been fair?
So, I am taking a break from typing, by uh... typing? Ha! Go fig. I would be writing, it is more physically satisfying and a bit more therapeutic, but I don’t feel like writing, I have a brand new journal that I bought last week and it is sitting right in front of me full of blank pages and possibilities. It is hardcover, spiral bound, sky blue, and has the word RELAX on the cover… maybe that’s the problem, I feel like getting this done, I don’t feel like relaxing. I just needed a break I was starting to speak legalese, and the cat was looking at me like I’m crazier than him.
I had a dream of my new apartment last night… I haven’t even officially decided on which one and here I am dreaming of it. It was nice I had no furniture, but the space was mine and I had a beautiful kitchen fabulous bathroom and a full closet, which is pretty realistic, cause I have everything for my kitchen and my bathroom and my closet, I just have to get a bedroom set, a sofa, a coffee table a new desk a… well quite frankly everything else… including a bed… need to get a bed. I think I’m just gonna buy a full because I’ve gotten used to sleeping on a twin and its just gonna be me so I don’t need all that space, I would say I could just buy a twin, but gee, I’m older than ten.
So my mother is in the other room watching Far and Away in Spanish… Un Horizonte Lejano which translates into “a far horizon” this just seems funny to me for some reason, tom cruise in Spanish is almost as funny as tom cruise in Japanese and I have decided that I need to have some ice cream… not want, NEED at this point. My mom was smart and when I woke up this morning and started working on the papers she started cooking comfort food… I think I will be 20 lbs heavier by the time today is over… maybe not, I had some enchiladas (which is funny cause that’s what me and lissa made for dinner last night but they were not nearly as good or comforting as my moms) and now I am going to go and buy a quart of ice cream and I promise, promise not to eat the whole damn thing myself… or at least to try not to.
Lol my mom just put her battle hair do on, she thinks she looks like a samurai, she kind of does, I think just think she’s high, that was meant as a joke but its probably true, my mom is almost always high when she’s home, so its quite possible. She is doing battle on her eyebrows, which I think is funny, but appropriate. Oh yeah I was leaving to go and get ice cream… by the time this is done maybe I wont even need ice cream. I’m going to leave now luck favors the prepared and I would rather have it and not eat it than to go into a sudden craving for it in like twenty minutes and kill someone to go to the store for me… I totally meant convince, not kill, they don’t drive well when they are dead. And the only person home is my mom and she would kill me long before I got the chance to even touch her. She’s scary sometimes.
Ha ha Malinda said she lost 80 lbs right after her divorce, I’m thinking that’s impossible. Malinda is tiny, and eats like a horse; I don’t think her divorce had anything to do with it. Either that or she wasn’t seriously contemplating eating an entire quart of ice cream… the only reason I wont is because I don’t think it will make me feel any better and I would probably puke. Maybe I’ll just get fruit bars or something… yeah… I’ll be back and I’m sure I will write on here some more.
I’m back… they say caffeine is supposed to relieve migraines so here I am with some Dryers slow churned Mocha Almond Fudge ice cream… it has coffee in it right? It’s helping. Hmmm go figure that one. I’m nearing completion on everything bread, laundry, this bowl of ice cream and papers… and I think I might just be done for the day.
Ok now its nine o’clock and I’m done for the day… for real this time. I’ve been working on this since 8:00 this morning, and I’m not done… almost, but not quite. The rest of the stuff is things that I need his cooperation on, so it’s not like I’m gonna get anywhere tonight, or this week for that matter. Because our work schedules collide meaning he’s not at work when I am and I’m not when he is, and all the other time I am sleeping. Cause I go to bed early or he’s sleeping cause he wakes up late, ok not late but when you leave for work at 600 everything seems late.
I’m freezing and I cant get warm I am sitting here in stretch pants covered in flannel pj bottoms a tank top a tee shirt a big fuzzy sweater, thick socks, pink poofy fuzzy bunny slippers, a heating pad on my back and a heating sack around my shoulders, a knit cap, and I am still freezing. Its sixty degrees out side and much warmer than that in here but I feel like a friggin Popsicle. My skin is cold. I am this bundled up and my skin is cold. I must be dying… ok so everyone is dying and I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with me to make me keel over any sooner, but you never know. That’s my answer to a broken finger nail ugh! I'm dying!
This is ridiculous my temperature is 95.8 I have hypothermia, why? I don’t know. They say that Thomas Jefferson died from hypothermia from eating too much ice cream on a hot day. I had ice cream today, but it was only one small bowl and that was a few hours ago. And it’s not a hot day. So… yeah… I’ll just wrap myself up some more and eat soup.
Yay my mommy loves me she’s making me drink tea and stop complaining and assuring me the world is not coming to an end. I’ll believe her cause she can lie to me about as well as I can lie to her which is not at all, that and my mom is sort of a spaz at times and if the world was ending she would not be this calm and would not be making me tea, she’d be making sure I have clean underwear on (do I have underwear on?) and telling me to start praying.
I love this tea cup my uncle Joe brought it from Japan it’s the perfect size and it has a lid so it can hold the tea at the perfect temperature and it’s very pretty. It is white porcelain with blue butterflies all over, it has been my favorite for quite some time so it has a chip in it just below the lip which has been stained from use after use, I think I need to convince my mom to let me have it after I have an apartment, but I have so many tea cups I already know the answer will be no. just as well, don’t need it anyway. :( . I also like this tea its made by exotica and its Osmanthus tea, apparently Osmanthus is a flower commonly used in fragrances and this stuff smells so good, I’m usually a green tea person and I like exotica’s china white tea the best but its black tea, so I could put honey, but I am anti honey lately,. I have the strangest desire to smear it all over someone but not to drink it.
My phone has not rung all day; I think the world really is coming to an end. I have gotten texts from Justine and Rikki but no calls all day. I hope I didn’t forget to pay it again… wait, no not due yet, not nearly. Hmmm…
I think I am going to go to bed now, it is nearly ten and I am mentally exhausted… that and I really want to snuggle up to my pillow (his name is DD) and get under seven layers of blankets, my woobie is fresh out of the dryer and its almost my bed time anyway.
So good night world I will see you again in a few hours.
My new name is The Petitioner. This is making me seriously reconsider getting a lawyer, I probably would except that I have no money, and if I did have money it would be quickly spent on shoes after this endeavor. I need some seriously hot shoes after this. I will probably blow an entire paycheck on shoes after this bullshit is done. (Ok so I’m a little more responsible than that… not the whole check ;) …)
I’m baking bread doing laundry and typing up, The Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, an Appearance Consent and Waiver, The final Decree, and Marital Settlement Agreement. Remind me to never become a lawyer, or a paralegal, or a secretary for that matter. My eye is twitching, has been for about two hours now, and my head is ready to explode. I still need his help in some things, like his Financial Statement (everything is friggin capitalized) and his signature in five million places, but as long as all of this works out, so long as I worded everything correctly, (and after checking double checking and rechecking I feel pretty confident I have) all he’ll have to do is sign, he won’t even have to show up in court. Which seems a bit unfair, but since when has anything ever been fair?
So, I am taking a break from typing, by uh... typing? Ha! Go fig. I would be writing, it is more physically satisfying and a bit more therapeutic, but I don’t feel like writing, I have a brand new journal that I bought last week and it is sitting right in front of me full of blank pages and possibilities. It is hardcover, spiral bound, sky blue, and has the word RELAX on the cover… maybe that’s the problem, I feel like getting this done, I don’t feel like relaxing. I just needed a break I was starting to speak legalese, and the cat was looking at me like I’m crazier than him.
I had a dream of my new apartment last night… I haven’t even officially decided on which one and here I am dreaming of it. It was nice I had no furniture, but the space was mine and I had a beautiful kitchen fabulous bathroom and a full closet, which is pretty realistic, cause I have everything for my kitchen and my bathroom and my closet, I just have to get a bedroom set, a sofa, a coffee table a new desk a… well quite frankly everything else… including a bed… need to get a bed. I think I’m just gonna buy a full because I’ve gotten used to sleeping on a twin and its just gonna be me so I don’t need all that space, I would say I could just buy a twin, but gee, I’m older than ten.
So my mother is in the other room watching Far and Away in Spanish… Un Horizonte Lejano which translates into “a far horizon” this just seems funny to me for some reason, tom cruise in Spanish is almost as funny as tom cruise in Japanese and I have decided that I need to have some ice cream… not want, NEED at this point. My mom was smart and when I woke up this morning and started working on the papers she started cooking comfort food… I think I will be 20 lbs heavier by the time today is over… maybe not, I had some enchiladas (which is funny cause that’s what me and lissa made for dinner last night but they were not nearly as good or comforting as my moms) and now I am going to go and buy a quart of ice cream and I promise, promise not to eat the whole damn thing myself… or at least to try not to.
Lol my mom just put her battle hair do on, she thinks she looks like a samurai, she kind of does, I think just think she’s high, that was meant as a joke but its probably true, my mom is almost always high when she’s home, so its quite possible. She is doing battle on her eyebrows, which I think is funny, but appropriate. Oh yeah I was leaving to go and get ice cream… by the time this is done maybe I wont even need ice cream. I’m going to leave now luck favors the prepared and I would rather have it and not eat it than to go into a sudden craving for it in like twenty minutes and kill someone to go to the store for me… I totally meant convince, not kill, they don’t drive well when they are dead. And the only person home is my mom and she would kill me long before I got the chance to even touch her. She’s scary sometimes.
Ha ha Malinda said she lost 80 lbs right after her divorce, I’m thinking that’s impossible. Malinda is tiny, and eats like a horse; I don’t think her divorce had anything to do with it. Either that or she wasn’t seriously contemplating eating an entire quart of ice cream… the only reason I wont is because I don’t think it will make me feel any better and I would probably puke. Maybe I’ll just get fruit bars or something… yeah… I’ll be back and I’m sure I will write on here some more.
I’m back… they say caffeine is supposed to relieve migraines so here I am with some Dryers slow churned Mocha Almond Fudge ice cream… it has coffee in it right? It’s helping. Hmmm go figure that one. I’m nearing completion on everything bread, laundry, this bowl of ice cream and papers… and I think I might just be done for the day.
Ok now its nine o’clock and I’m done for the day… for real this time. I’ve been working on this since 8:00 this morning, and I’m not done… almost, but not quite. The rest of the stuff is things that I need his cooperation on, so it’s not like I’m gonna get anywhere tonight, or this week for that matter. Because our work schedules collide meaning he’s not at work when I am and I’m not when he is, and all the other time I am sleeping. Cause I go to bed early or he’s sleeping cause he wakes up late, ok not late but when you leave for work at 600 everything seems late.
I’m freezing and I cant get warm I am sitting here in stretch pants covered in flannel pj bottoms a tank top a tee shirt a big fuzzy sweater, thick socks, pink poofy fuzzy bunny slippers, a heating pad on my back and a heating sack around my shoulders, a knit cap, and I am still freezing. Its sixty degrees out side and much warmer than that in here but I feel like a friggin Popsicle. My skin is cold. I am this bundled up and my skin is cold. I must be dying… ok so everyone is dying and I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with me to make me keel over any sooner, but you never know. That’s my answer to a broken finger nail ugh! I'm dying!
This is ridiculous my temperature is 95.8 I have hypothermia, why? I don’t know. They say that Thomas Jefferson died from hypothermia from eating too much ice cream on a hot day. I had ice cream today, but it was only one small bowl and that was a few hours ago. And it’s not a hot day. So… yeah… I’ll just wrap myself up some more and eat soup.
Yay my mommy loves me she’s making me drink tea and stop complaining and assuring me the world is not coming to an end. I’ll believe her cause she can lie to me about as well as I can lie to her which is not at all, that and my mom is sort of a spaz at times and if the world was ending she would not be this calm and would not be making me tea, she’d be making sure I have clean underwear on (do I have underwear on?) and telling me to start praying.
I love this tea cup my uncle Joe brought it from Japan it’s the perfect size and it has a lid so it can hold the tea at the perfect temperature and it’s very pretty. It is white porcelain with blue butterflies all over, it has been my favorite for quite some time so it has a chip in it just below the lip which has been stained from use after use, I think I need to convince my mom to let me have it after I have an apartment, but I have so many tea cups I already know the answer will be no. just as well, don’t need it anyway. :( . I also like this tea its made by exotica and its Osmanthus tea, apparently Osmanthus is a flower commonly used in fragrances and this stuff smells so good, I’m usually a green tea person and I like exotica’s china white tea the best but its black tea, so I could put honey, but I am anti honey lately,. I have the strangest desire to smear it all over someone but not to drink it.
My phone has not rung all day; I think the world really is coming to an end. I have gotten texts from Justine and Rikki but no calls all day. I hope I didn’t forget to pay it again… wait, no not due yet, not nearly. Hmmm…
I think I am going to go to bed now, it is nearly ten and I am mentally exhausted… that and I really want to snuggle up to my pillow (his name is DD) and get under seven layers of blankets, my woobie is fresh out of the dryer and its almost my bed time anyway.
So good night world I will see you again in a few hours.
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