Im sitting here in my haven.

"they painted up your secrets/ with the lies they told to you/ and the least they ever gave you/ was the most you ever knew/... and she wonders where these dreams go/ cause the world got in her way/ whats the point in ever trying/ nothing's changing anyway." -Goo Goo Dolls

ahhh Acoustic #3, my fav Goo Goo Dolls song, and quite possibly my favorite song of all time. (well at least for today they can fight with my Tony) but its such a jaded song. So bijou called me yesterday, and we talked.We talked about fluff, her radiator not working, me wanting to leave my job (and possibly the country) She said she needs Methadone to get off of Domenick and i must say i am inclined to agree. but it made me happy just to get to talk to her. now today i am going back to my routine of not talking to her because i dont know what she wants... im not sure she knows what she wants but thats enough of that.

my haven is the library. i love it here. i want one in my house, walls and walls and stacks and stacks of books. but i need a house first.

i am being a good girl. i keep looking at my spedometer like im supposed to, i plan on paying all my bills before i go shopping this time, and double checking to make sure i got them all... pesky little buggers. i've been responsible and made the schedule and part of the curriculum for next week before monday morning. i am trying to be a good person, now someone please tell me why i feel so craptacular.

i just finished talking to domenick on the instant messenger, he pissed me off a little... ok a lot... and i must say blowing up the whole damn state... i would never im just hurt and angry and it will pass. but speaking about the state of new jersey what is it about the men over there that attracts the women over here? bijou fell for domenick, i fell for domenick, my lissa fell for justin and lindsey fell for some other guy in jersey. now all of us are smart women and realize that it is on the other fucking side of the country, (and its not like europe where they tend to be little countries) but it happened. hm....

im going to vegas for my b-day (yay!) at least for thanksgiving. im actually going(pinch me) and im gonna stop talking about it if i can cause im afraid of jinxing it. (but im gonna have a weeklong bash for my 21st!) i wish ernest and mandy could go but that doesnt look like a possiblity and everyone else that i want to go that isnt going is under 21... maybe i should stay here for my b-day and go the next day (yeah cause im gonna feel like traveling) but if i do stay i could do kareoke and make everyone go deaf. (how fun!)

so i ran into adrienne the other day, it made me happy to see her we talked for a little bit, but she had to go to work. she seemed a little jealous of me, i think she thought supes new car was mine and i must say i was looking pretty good compared to her and the evil part of me laughed. Adrienne for those of you who dont know, was my best friend from sixth grade through the summer of my junior year. i had a very complicated non relationship (i was in the relationship, he wasn't) with her cousin (chris the piss) which she made even more of a non relationship by pushing the two of us apart. which i thank her for now but then i hated her for immensly. we stopped being friends when i started dating 'Zo cause she said i was ignoring her (she ignored me every time she had a boyfriend so i still don't feel too bad about it). i thank her for helping to end the non relationship because chris really was a piss though i couldnt see it at the time. he wanted my body with no emotional attachment, and he is the one that got me into most of the drugs i was on at the time (i was already a pothead, but in the valley at that age its like standard, i found it amazing that my friends from the other side of the tracks had never even tried it) and almost got me in trouble alot for sneaking him in through my window at night. (i then had to sneak him into my brothers room before my parents woke up... my bro didnt like that much cause that was his best friend and his little sister, oh my!) so in retrospect the whole situation was bad and im glad its over cause i dont think that i would be alive today, or if i was i would be a lot worse off, probably still addicted and a drop out. but im ok.

i am looking for a copy of Elizabeth Wurtzel's Bitch, all the ones in the whole rio grande valley library system are checked out so if any one out there has a copy or knows where i can get a copy please send it this way.