decidedly too many

"summer has come to pass, the innocent can never last wake me up when september ends" -greenday
well its october and im awake damnit though i dont want to be

today is a list-y kind of day

so i have said goodbye to decidedly too many people these past few weeks. i have a comment on yesterdays blog that says "i do miss her but what am i supposed to do" and i dont know who it is from. in the old days cowboys used to cull the herd, get rid of the sick and the weak... well i am culling my herd but im getting rid of all the good ones

people i have gotten rid of somehow/ ignored to the point that they are ready to rid themselves of me this month in cronological order (so which one do i want the random comment to be from? I'll never tell.)

1. Supes
2. Bijou
3. The Hitman
4. Queen Bitch
5. Butthead
6. Katwoman
7. Greenbean (though this one should be #1 cause i havent spoken to her since january.)
8. the man i'm supposed to marry when we turn 52

so i had an odd dream last night (i had a lot of dreams cause i slept twice as long as normal but were not going there). it was about Bijou. first we were at a wedding and i was in this wonderful dress that somehow turned into a gown and then i realized it was hers so i took it off to give it back and then we went to my house (i had a house!) and she noticed that she had some of her stuff there and so i started giving it all back to her and then she started screaming at me and i was screaming at her and then we just collapsed in each others arms on the beautiful floors (black laquered with tiger lilies painted on them like i want to make in my house) and started crying. i woke up with my tatoo burning like mad, and missing her like crazy. i think both are psychosomatic

things i dream of alot

1. sex
2. falling
3. sex
4. playing soccer with my uncle joe (dont ask its very sad)
5. weddings
4. funerals
5. church
6. mountains
7. limbo

so i think i'm crazy

number of stop signs/lights run today...3
number of yellow lights run... at least seven
times i looked at my spedometer today...2
times i was seriously speeding when i looked...2
thoughts about THM... a million +2
thoughts about work...3
regrets...0 -i think
times i cried today... I'll never tell
emails written... 0
emails recieved... 0
phone calls made...0 tried one but outgoing calls are restricted cause i forgot to pay the bill
phone calls rec'd... 12
phone calls answered...0
hours slept...10
nails broken...1
books im reading... 4 (1984, The Picture of Dorian Grey, The Three Musketeers, La Anologia Completa de la poesia de Pablo Neruda.)
books i havent read before...2 (dorian grey and pablo neruda)
happy thoughts...0
happy memories... thousands
place i want to live today... my grandma's house (sans grandma's bitching)
place i want to live tomorrow... vegas
who i want to hold me right now... my lissa
what i want to do... cry, or run
what i'm gonna do... blog