so here is more of my poetry... enjoy... (or not its your choice) some of it i love some of it is crap but i feel like sharing so i will... i welcome crticisim as most of these are works in progress and i definitely welcome compliments ;)
Because I wanted to
Coarse, scratching my throat, burning my lungs
The weather sounded like breath and everything was violet
There were two men not strangers for long
Curiosity has always been my downfall
I made no promises aloud, kept them all
The air is too smooth now I cant do it again
I had to know
Curiosity is not really a downfall
To be a translator
Is to be a traitor
Como Maliniche
To be a translator
Is to be torn
Entre de dos mundos
To be a translator
Is to be too “ethnic” for the white
Y mas agringada por los hispanos
To be a translator
Is to claim no language
Pero hablar dos o tres
To be a translator
Is to be forever lostEntre de tu cabeza
I speak Spanglish when
I should speak plain old boring English
I speak English when
I should at least pretend to know Spanish
I speak Francignol when
I should be learning to speak French
I speak Dreish the rest of the time The point is I speak so listen
He loves me
All she remembers of that night
Is hot anger rising up like the bile in her throat
At the harsh sound of flesh on flesh
Followed by a hushed “ouch”
And muffled tears coming from the bathroom
All she remembers of that night
Is pounding on the door against screams of
“Its none of your fucking business! go away!”
As her friend screamed “What did I do?!”
All she remembers of that night
Is transforming from angry friend to battering ram
Splintering the door, dragging him out
Like a flailing rag doll
And throwing him on the bed
All she remembers of that night
Is morphing again into a crying baby
When her friend stepped out under his arm
Explaining “He really does love me”
And trying to mask her fear with sarcasm
As she whispered “I’m sure his fists love you too”
All she remembers of that night
Is she would be forever labeled as ‘Dangerous When Angry’
As the others iced her bloody knuckles and realized
She didn’t know how they got that way
botox,
rhinoplasty,
breast lifts.
all things
unnatural,
acceptable in the search
for beauty
What if
one day it was discovered
lipstick,
envy,
Armani suits
and
Prada bags
caused lymphoma?
One can
only hope
there is
enough
chemotherapy for everyone
so tell me friend…
when did you become a spider
weaving such a tangled web
one that trapped me
drew me in
so you could suck at my life and leave me
hollow
digame amiga…
when did you become a liar
right into my eyes
about even the most trivial of things
not even feigning truth
because you knew I would believe you
anyway
digame amiga…
when did you become a thief
silently stalking my dreams
shooting them down carelessly
stuffing them into your bag of tricks
because they were so much grander than
your own
so tell me friend…
when did I become these things
tripping over my own two feet
in an attempt to lose my virtue
losing myself instead
trapped inside
your life
The pain.
The anger.
The mistrust.
The most measured invasion of privacy.
Delving into the past,
while reaching futility ahead.
The wound goes deeper,
the anguish rises to an unbearable pitch;
And the craving fades to black.
Exit stage left.
Is this a dagger I see before me?
Oh sorry, we have to be politically correct.
A razor.
An object for cutting
skin and lines and…
Lets not go there.
The pain.
The anger.
The mistrust.
It’s all to get me to come back to my senses,
all to get me to walk
to hear the edge of near oblivion.
Pressuring myself to jump.
To fight an addiction to hate,
fight an addiction to seclusion.
Destroy my world is that what you ask?
Curtain, applause
…but a poor player,
who struts and frets her hour upon the stage…
Oh, I got it wrong again.
I have to get it right,
to pass.
To be seen.
To be heard.
And the lights go out… and the doors close…
Untitled #257
I feel sorry for untitled poems
They’re like children with no names
Forever to be in the void
Categorized by their first line
Never identified
for what they are
A poem, a thought
An experience of angst about
your ex-/dog/father/
virginity/libido/ fat/
sister become summed
up by “s/he left me today”
leaving cluelessness in the wake
where one word can sum up
a lot two are even better
I’m no better than them
And my poems aren’t even
poems, they’re blurbs
Spots taken off my mind
Only a small piece of the cancer
that is my creativity
Maybe I should start a home for
poor, abandoned, untitled poetry.
Ten minutes is the blink of an eye
Passes in a flash
But not when you’re waiting for something
There is no greater terror in life than
The ten minutes spent waiting for
Those little blue lines
There is no greater joy in life
Than that first breath when you realize
They are not going to show up
There is no greater emptiness
Than realizing they’re not there
And wondering if they ever will be
Fifty-two pairs of shoes in my closet;
Diamonds on cool crushed velvet.
Recipe for disaster
Scrape clay out of bucket
Beat the hell out of it
Mold it
Slap it on the wheel
Kick start wheel
Spin it fast
Press into form
Push thumbs in, digging hole
Pull sides up
Shape
Form
Adore
Worship
See it splat
Cry tears
Favorite Childhood Memories
honeysuckle and lavender blooming in the spring
sliding down the road with the rain
hot dry wind whipping my long straight hair
into a nappy dirty mess
bonnie bell peppermint lip gloss and
chapstick kisses on a bright cold day
sun burn and chocolate bunny skin
sandy coconuty fake beach smell of SPF 15
painting poetry and pressing hands onto walls
Found on Penis
Genie wishing lamp
Rub for instant miracles
Anything you want
I knew a young man from the valley
His name wasn’t Marcus O’Malley
His name was Chris
He was a piss
Horrible boy from the valley
I danced with the man on the moon
And the dish that ran with the spoon
They stepped on my toes
And honked at my nose
I wont do that again soon
I promise to make you more alive than you’ve ever been
For the first time you’ll see pores opening
Like the gills of a fish and you’ll hear
The noise of blood in galleries
And feel the light gliding across your eyes
Like the dragging of a dress across the floor
For the first time you’ll notice gravity’s prick
Like a thorn in your head
And your shoulder blades will hurt-
From the imperative of wings
I promise to make you so alive that
The fall of dust on furniture will deafen you
And you’ll feel your eyebrows like two words forming
And your memories will seem to begin
With the creation of the world
Their final demise
comes in the form
of black ink
drug across
white pages
and
left there
to dry
black ink
flowing down
my white page
oh no
something
is astir
in my head
black marks
in my
account
telling me
everything
is ok for now
black bag
totes around
knowledge
in the
form of
books
and pain
for me
the wearer
black night
fights against
sleep that
used to
belong
but is now
unwelcome
in my bed
your eyes are
burning
again and endings are hard
but beginnings are
harder (at least until
you realize they are the same
thing)
my throat is
burning
again and
every word i
whisper lately
smells like burned
pencils wilting like a daisy
choked between my
lips and I cant
even say i’m half
surprised
the ink dries in
my pen is speechless
poised over paper and ready to
cash
itself
in
the lights are
burning
again
maybe if it were colder
my shaking
could pass for a
shiver
maybe if it were darker
my eyes
could pass for
blue
the house is
burning
again but everything
begins to look a little
different when
people tell you you’re
crazy and you begin to
believe them
i’ve learned to appreciate
codas and carbon
paper because
nothing hurts as much as the
second
time
around
i open the door to a charred
skeleton
ashes easily replace
tears and i find
you sipping cold
water in the middle of what
used to be
a couch
your eyes fixed in an
empty stare and you
turn
to
me and say
“babe
do you smell
smoke?”
I am sorry
I don’t know how
to be comforting without
being ruthlessly optimistic
and I don’t know how to tell you how
I love you
how much I want for you
I have no advice
no wisdom
no magnificent clairvoyance
and
I don’t know how to communicate
the way I think about you. how I
sit with half glazed eyes
through important conversations
thinking mostly about
how much you’ve given me
(I could fall in love with you,
you know.)
and how much I wish I could give you in return
The uneasiness beckoned me to make my move
in the midst of uncertainty is a sense of-
calmness as I let it go to
as breeze that carries me to Unknown.
An unfamiliar person inside calls for me to trust
I was curious
a leaf that falls will wither and die
but a new leaf is born
it is my path that which
my heart only knows.
september rests
its rest
less fingers on the ends of
my eyelashes and in the air between our
lips while we stir coffee like chocolate lava steam spilling
furiously in place of conversation you know you kill me
every
time
with the sharp end of
your interrogation questions
curdle
the silence like vinegar in
milk and i’m trying
my hardest to concentrate between
sips
of the neighbors’ conversation and the
scrape
of traffic through the streets
when did my head become so heavy and
when did your
eyes become so green everything’s smudging and
smearing
and spinning and you know it’s only a matter of
time
before you scratch too hard you
break
my skin and when the blood trickles over our fingertips
we
both
scream
Here
A sad place.
A dark and cold place.
Where passions flame
Once was lit,
But never does a fire burn.
For here,
A vile wind does blow
That holds me to the ground.
Forever caged.
Captive of and empty word.
A vile sort of loves last breath,
To bring the cut.
Here,
Is bleeding
An empty shell
Betrayed and beaten,
On the ground.
Silver inches measure every word,
And sometimes strike gold
And you strike a match to light your cigarette
We walk
In step
In silence
At the one-way, I look both ways
And then you
You don’t look at all
You twiddle my night in your thumbs
Smoke from your mouth billows onto my fresh air
I breathe in the toxins of truth
Sushi? Sake?
Sure.
Your suggestive nature suggests nothing
Very modest words spoken over drinks
Describe half empty feelings of you
We walk
Skipping steps
In silence
In the room its quiet
Sell me your gossip on life
I’ll give you my advice on relationships
Ours will become nonexistent
After tonight
And we still haven’t much to say
So… we kiss
It feels awkward
Your tongue feels too big for my mouth
After tonight
Goodbye.
