Drea Ali, or Muhammad Drea?

" And I find it kind of funny/ I find it kind of sad/ The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever/ had I find it hard to tell you/ I find it hard to take/ When people run in circles/ its a very, very/ Mad world" -Gary Jules

So I am sore all over... I feel like I have gone 50 rounds with George Foreman... (and not when he started making grills either.) my back is sore cause I keep sleeping like a princess all fluffed up on pillows and such and I'm not used to it, my legs are sore from god knows what they are just sore as fuck. And my arms are sore from attempting to beat the shit out of Supes. (note to self do not try to beat men that are over a foot and one hundred pounds bigger...) and I have other areas that are sore from being used in ways they never have... (perverts! I meant like my head... You know that thinking thing) I keep trying to tell myself I have the flu and it will be over in a couple of days but really I am healthy as a fucking horse (for once).

Just for the record... Gary Jules is totally from REM (doesn't matter that I'm wrong I'm gonna win so shaddap.)

so it is kinda hard for me to think about all the things I was gonna say cause Supes is watching me type all this... I think I will mess with his head. never mind... Cant think of any good jokes... He slapped me though someone should kick his ass I would ask Mr. Frodo to do it cause he is the only one that meets his size (almost, give him a year) but really I think that he would take his side... Him being his brother and me starting the fight and all... Before people get all melodramatic he did not actually slap me ( I would be without teeth) but I just like poking fun at him because it was totally out of character.

Now on to the inevitable subject of Bijou... I don't know what to say, each day I feel more and more like what is happening is what needs to be happening for me to start growing up. Which I need to do... a lot. She said one thing on her blog (the one I'm not supposed to know about but discovered by chance) that made me feel all the worse for hurting her... I don't remember the exact quotation but in general she said that she was afraid of becoming jaded. OUCH. Yeah well I know that experiences like this can make a person jaded, but really I would never have that problem because I have been jaded for... fuck... As long as I can remember... I can remember seeing the bad in people first when I was like 7... She lived a very sheltered life and I shattered her illusion of a perfect world and I am sorry. But she is fortunate, she had that illusion for 20 years and it seems to me that she is pulling herself back into it. Part of me feels that she needed a slap in the face so she wouldn't be so delusional for the rest of her life, but not like this, no one deserves to be forced into reality from an experience like this. But I'm not god so who am I to say anything like this. I'm no angel... I'm not doing his bidding... But I still want to change all the things I see that need changing...

on the subject of god... I feel the need to go to confession... This is about as weird as me wanting silicon boobs... It is something I am totally against and probably will be for the rest of my life... Confessions should be made to the person that you sinned against... Maybe the reason I feel the need to go is because I cant communicate with the one I wronged. I cant change the whole world just my corner of it and I better stop fucking it up or people are gonna start revolting...