it makes me sad, the flowers are dead

they lasted a day. quite sad really. but life goes on

so im not ok. i keep trying to be ok, by pushing myself to the limit, but i think that thats not gonna last too long, lindsey is about to slip sleeping pills in my tea so that i will sleep more than four hours since im sick. granted three hours a night was driving me crazy before i got sick so she might have been planning to do it any way.

my parents amaze me i have been moved out of this room for about 24 hours and they have everything changed into an office. its always nice to know your loved. my mother is in denial, she seems to think that me and supes are still together, she would rather think that i hated her enough to run off to some unkown place, than to think that really we broke up and i needed to flee the memories. c'est la vie... i wonder who i get it from.

this is my question to men out there... why roses. they are so cliche, well to me anyway... i suppose that some women think they're classic but really red roses... not diggin on them. i suppose i am just upset because i have never really been given any roses as a romantic gesture and my sunflowers died after a day. my favorite flowers are daisys so friendly and warm but so delicate, or cactus flowers, such a stunning sight amongst such a dangerous plant.

Desert women know
about survival.
Fierce heat and cold
have burned and thickened
our skin. Like cactus
we've learned to hoard,
to sprout deep roots,
to seem asleep, yet wake
at the scent of softness
in the air, to hide
pain and loss by silence,
no branches wail
or whisper our sad songs
safe behind our thorns.

Don't be deceived.
When we bloom, we stun.