Hellcat

So I have decided that I have a subliminal death wish. I don't want to die but I keep doing stupid things. Like going 90 mph and swerving in and out of semis not taking care of my self like I should when I'm ill... Wanting to start a fight... And its getting to the point where it will be a catfight with hair and nails and all those dirty tricks I taught myself not to pull when I fight.

he told me he loves me a few minutes ago and kissed me on the forehead... Very sweet but I don't need that right now... Maybe I should avoid him for a while to let him get used to the idea... I was gonna have him help me with some electrical stuff but I decided to do it myself... Beautiful and brilliant I got it going on ;) j/k.

I don't know how I feel I still don't know if this is a hold on or a goodbye but really right now it doesn't feel like anything cause I'm not letting it. I am reverting back to my old self and I am going emotionally numb. The Ice Queen. I hate her she should disappear... But I am equally upset with the Crybaby who has been trying her damnedest to come out... So I have to make a choice do I continue letting myself be a cold hearted bitch, or do I allow myself a few hours to crawl under the covers and cry it all out? Lindsey is not going to like either one of these options but right now I don't care that's how I feel I am either going to lose it or I'm going to lose it. But that's ok shell just give me some disapproving stare and some snide comment... If she's real nice she'll help me see another option.