Laryngitis

I know you care
But it's just not there
When you're not around
I want you there
And you need to stop
Breaking my heart Mandy Moore

"Drea,You can be your wonderfully passionate self without stirring up too much intensity today. Just because you aren't afraid to delve into your shadows, however, doesn't mean that others are willing to join you there. It's okay now to be a bit cavalier when talking about your emotions -- even the difficult ones. Be as matter-of-fact as you can and then move on. You'll feel better if you allow others to focus their energy on the brighter parts of your life." Horoscope 1/24/06

so the boyscout and i got in an argument yesterday. it went the same as all our arguments, i was screaming at the top of my lungs and he was just sitting there looking like i kicked him in the balls. i dont remember what we were arguing about i think it was Yu-Gi-Oh, or something equally stupid, it wasnt what we were really arguing over, i dont think i told him the real reason for me being upset. it was one of those things where i was tottaly in the right, i knew i was in the right but it did no good because i knew he would never get it... he hasnt gotten it the first five million times he wont get it the next. so we "argued" (if you can even call it that) over something trivial. i feel like an idiot and worse i feel like a heel for making him so upset when i wouldnt even tell him the real reason i was angry. he is now hurt and confused and wondering what the hell he did to deserve my wrath.

well here it is. I NEED ROMANCE!!! either that or i need to stop reading, watching movies, hearing anything poetic, watching sunrises, or seeing flowers. i was having an argument, a discussion really, about the importance of romance with J yesterday, he said it was the most important thing a man can do. i said it wasnt necessary. i lied. but i lied because he was just trying to convince me that i wanted to fly out to New Jersy to have an affair with him. i told him if i was flying to Jersy to have an affair it wouldnt be with him, it would be with a hitman and thats not going to happen anytime soon. i dont think ill be hearing from him anymore.

so now looking back i yelled at my husband because i am a hopeless romantic and hes just hopeless. i was mad at men in general and one in particular, i had had like five conversations about romance yesterday and it made me really want a picture perfect night, instead i got shopping at walmart in the middle of the night with the boyscout and mr frodo causing a calamity, and to go to bed alone cause he was too busy playing with his fucking cards. so now my body is on strike till my heart sings... not that it matters his new schedule has him going in at three and gettting out at midnight. right before i left for work he told me he expects dinner to be ready when he gets home, like im june fucking cleaver. it made me think that domenick was right when he said i would lose my spark and turn into happy housewife...which i refuse to do even if it is out of spite towards him. but im not so happy, and i refuse to be a housewife so i win (eitherway i think i lose). im still pissed and hes still clueless and it makes me even more upset...