Just Loverly

so i am reading 1984 again... (funny i didnt read it when i was supposed to, but ive read it twice in the last six months) and i've decided i want to be like julia, except with out all the airheadedness about whats going on around me... i think right now i am like julia including the airheadedness. i used to be a real political person, lately i have been driven by my own selfish means and have not watched the news or picked up a paper in months. i must be the only person on the face of this planet that has not seen pictures of Katrina or the tsunami until recently. how unbelievably sad is that for a person who used to make current events her life? for a person who used to rally for causes and seroiusly thought about becoming a lobbyist (though i never told any one... i was already geeky enough and would never be good in politics)... i am ashamed. these past few months and possibly past few years i have lost myself along the way. maybe ive just grown into the shallow kind of person the younger me hated. i dont know the thought of that is too depressing... back to the book.

"thier first lovemaking had been simply an act of will. But after the second time it was different. the smell of her hair, the taste of her mouth, the feeling of ther skin seemed to have gotten inside of him. she had become a physical necessity, something that he not only wanted but felt he had a right to."-1984, George Orwell

i think it is amazing the kind of power sex holds over us...it can turn friends into lovers, lovers into enemies and destroy lives along the way. the act itself expends a lot of energy... but so much more is put into the seduction that leads to it. women put on rouge men put on a show... money time and energy is put into the one thing that we somehow feel can make us as close to a person as humanly possible, but often leaves us feeling more distant than we were at the beginning.

In the sludge drawer of animals in arms,
Where the legs entwine to keep the body warm
Against the winter night, some cold seeps through -
It is the future: say, a square of stars
In the windowpane, suggesting the abstract
And large, or a sudden shift in position
That lets one body know the other's free to move
An inch away, and then a thousand miles,
And, after that, even intimacy
Is only another form of separation.

i'm not sure if i quoted that right and i dont remember the author (something in my head says Howard Moss... i could google it but im lazy today and y'all get the jist of it) ... but this passage, this book keeps bringing the image of that poem to my mind, and the painful memories that it evokes with it. breakups, makeups, and the desire to hold someone so close to me they can no longer breathe. I'm on the verge of tears so i'll change the subject again.

something i ripped off katwomans blog... (that she ripped off bretts, and etc.. and etc..)

1. DO YOU SNORE?: I say no no... the videotape proves otherwise
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?: both... more of a fighter really i have a short fuse and the disposition of a feral cat
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?: falling... in love, out of love, out a window, off a cliff just falling
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?: I still like legos... i take them from the kids
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?: i kinda dont watch tv, in general when i do its either music videos or CSI... does CSI count as reality TV
6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?: Not until im finished with them... i tear apart everything im a destructive lil bugger
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?: I looked like a doll... I still do when im all made up its kinda freaky
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?: never really had a chance to find out.
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?: its a laptop the whole thing is essentialy a keyboard... grey blue and black
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? No but the second i convince someone to do it with me i will
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?: none that are secret.. plenty that are weird
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?: blue water, white sand and beautiful sunsets... it exists somewhere im sure
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?: Again with the TV... i like Headlines... i hear them the day after on the radio
15. CAN YOU SWIM?: Im part fish
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?: seen it, own it, love it... think the dude has come a long way from Bubble Boy
17. DO YOU GIVE A DARN ABOUT THE OZONE?: Yes, i used to hide Aerosol cans in the store when i was younger so people wouldnt buy them
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOSTIE POP?: i dont know im a biter.
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?: I cant sing it but i can say it zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba (im a loser who alphebetizes too many things too often.
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?: Yup.
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?: no but i used to pretend im the mail mans kid.
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENERS?: pens generally
23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?: I dont mind if its done for a purpose but if its just for sport... to hang a head on your wall, and leave the rest to rot, i think that your head should be next to it.
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?: sort of in my past now i guess
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?: i have hybrid handwriting.. not quite print not quite cursive... i like it but theres only like five people in the world who can read it
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?: everything... cheap perfume, perfumed soaps lotions etc... almost everything natural, bees, citrus fruits... the list goes on... the good news is im only majorly allergic to bees everything else i can handle in small doses
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?: this morning quite probably
28. IS TUPAC STILL ALIVE?: the world may never know... the good news is we know he will be dead eventually
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?: god i hate weddings
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? scrambled with cheese and tomato
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB? yeah but so are brunettes and readheads
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? They become lawn gnomes.
33. WHAT TIME IS IT?: 1:17 pm
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?: Dont even get me started... well go with drea.
35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?: last time i ate Mc Donalds i wound up sick
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?: about a half hour ago
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?: shower... baths leave me feeling dirty... when i do take a bath to relax... i have to shower first.
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?: yeah... his name is mom
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?: yes. Yes. YES!
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?: nah, im part vampire too
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?: sex and bubble gum
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?: Creamy, i dont like chunky sandwiches
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? no!
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?: more than likely but i cant recall
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?: Once.
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?: Speaking from experience... YES!
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?: just a smidge
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?: brown :( but very pretty brown :)
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?: Jurys still out on that, for the most part, yes
51. WHO'S BETTER: STONE COLD OR THE ROCK?: the rock is a total hottie
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?: no
53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"? No
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?: Not well
55. HAVE U EVER STOLEN MONEY? Nope.
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?I dont know... never tried
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? I LOVE CAMPING!!!!!
58. DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?: yes :(
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? without a doubt
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND? no woman is mans best friend
61. DO YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? I dont think any one in my family has ever divorced...
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? I dont know lemme try.. wait.. wait... no
63.DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES? uh, yeah, im human
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? not really
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?Ice Cream (ok so its not breakfast food.. sue me)
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? 'Course
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED? millions of times... and it never seems to be enough
68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? can you hear me now?... good
69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? no
70. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?just one? what was the last song i heard... oh wait didnt like that one... The Ghost of you My Chemical Romance. v.. sad... or theres always my Tony.... The Way You Look Tonight... that reminds me i need to change my voicemail.