His F***ing Foot Grew!

So yesterday was a rather interesting day… interesting for me at least. Supes and I went shopping yesterday (because that’s what interesting people do on Saturdays) because he said he has no appropriate clothes for Vegas. After looking in his closet I was inclined to agree, he has worn everything in there to work everything including his slacks (slacks that I made him buy because he has no fashion sense and needed something nice to wear… so much for that)… this wouldn’t be so bad except… he is an electrician and everything is painted on greased up or torn. (He looks like a poor homeless child.) But my job as fashion consultant is not to judge it is to shop (Ha!)… so finding pants for him was a challenge we went looking all over the damn place, but finally we found some on a clearance table in J.C. Penney (yeah cause I wanted to be in that store) for like $5.77 (score cheap!)…that were 40-36… it saddens me that the inseam is so long that I can hold it up to my chest and they still drag on the ground… (I think I'm gonna steal a pair of his jeans and make a dress… hmmm…) so yeah finding shirts was a little easier cause hes more normal in that area (18 35-36) but we found out that Mr. Frodo is a freak of nature cause he has a 17 ½ in neck and an arm length of 39-40 which means that he is going to be even bigger than his brother when he’s finished growing. (He’s already 6’4 for heaven sakes he’s only 16)… so after fighting with the clothes thing for a while I look down at his feet and realize hes wearing the same shoes I bought for him like three years ago. (men! How can they do that? One pair in three years? Its supposed to be like one pair every three weeks. duh!) so off we go to the Sketchers store… (yay!) well we were having trouble finding anything in a 14 but he found some dress shoes so he puts them on and says “they feel funny” (what?) ok so we try on some tennis shoes… yeah my toe’s hitting the front… (what?) try on some others… yeah my toe is still hitting the front (how the hell?) so I look at his ghetto fabulous shoes and realize that he has been stretching the leather on these… so I'm thinking, shit his foot grew. We call over some dude to measure his foot… turns out that he needs a 15 “uh sorry dude we don’t have any in this store” so were off to see the wizard again and finally after more shopping we find some cute shoes in a 15 and I'm glad I was getting ready to tell him to buy some sandals and have his toes hang off the edge which I find disgusting… I am saddened at the fact that it is so difficult to shop for him… but I am more saddened by the fact that I was shopping for like 6 hours yesterday and all I got was one pair of shoes that I actually needed for work (how sad is that) oh and a new strapless bra.

I have done nothing this morning except read… I am currently reading only one book, (OMG! I know, but yes only one) Bitch by Elizabeth Wurtzel, I think that I will be done by tomorrow, I started it this morning and I'm like half way through I cant put it down… I am on sort of a feminist kick lately well not really feminist bitch kind of feminist but more like “I am woman hear me roar” kind of feminist. Any way, the reason I am only reading one book is because I am completely enthralled. This woman is hilarious but I knew that when I read Prozac Nation (another really good book) and Memoirs Of An Addiction (also really good but hit kinda close to home). If I enjoy this book to the end she will join my list of favorite authors, she is already my favorite non-fiction author. She is witty and sassy and hilarious and smart… and pretty to boot, if I were a man or a lesbian, she would be my first pick… but back to the book. She was talking about a New York Times article called “heroine chic” about women such as Gertrude Stein, Eleanor Roosevelt, Greta Garbo, Elizabeth Taylor, Coco Chanel and Martha Stuart. “The issues focus was not on bitches per se, but it is safe to argue that anytime a woman projects the kind of intense personality that all these women do, she is somebody’s idea of a bitch. That may not actually be true of Eleanor Roosevelt and Gertrude Stein, but that is only because they were not pretty enough.” This made me laugh out loud to the point that Supes and Mr. Frodo were looking at me like I was insane (which they often do just for the hell of it)… but its only funny because its true. A woman is only called a bitch if she is pretty and stands up for what she believes in, she usually has an incredibly forceful personality. It amuses me that a woman like this gets labled as bitchy while a man with the same attributes is given much more euphonic adjectives. But I am ranting… that is what reading this book has done to me it has made me want to rant and rant and write essays and change the world and go back to school and display my sexuality for personal gain and rule the world with my beautiful tits… ok so that all sounds kind of crazy right now but, well I am, and I do want to do all of these things and it would make a whole lot more sense if you read the book.

One more quote, one more small rant and then I am off to my Nana’s house. “I’m his nightlight. I'm his heater. I'm his favorite channel. I'm his umbrella. I'm his blanket. I'm his weapon. I'm his little voice. I'm his painkiller. I'm his savior. I'm his pillow. Which I guess could also make me his worst nightmare.” Or mine. For heavens sake this woman does everything. She is omnipotent the ad is selling underwear but I can’t imagine she has much time to wear it. But I have found myself being all of these things either singularly or in varied combination at one time or another, and as I'm sure I will always love men. I am sure I will continue. When we make a list of all the things we are to one person it is both empowering and intimidating. I have been all these things for Supes, and he is a very independent man, he has basically raised himself and his brother since the death of his father almost ten years ago. Once I came into the picture I was all these things for him, and I continued after we broke up, it makes me wonder how men can function without us. My therapist once told me I needed more of a father figure in my life, and I can’t help but wonder why when my mother can do all this and more, why when it is women who actually rule the world, even if it is from behind their husbands.