The Poet
Ralph Waldo Emerson
A moody child and wildly wise
Pursued the game with joyful eyes,
Which chose, like meteors, their way,
And rived the dark with private ray:
They overleapt the horizon’s edge,
Searched with Apollo’s privilege;
Through man, and woman, and sea, and star
Saw the dance of nature forward far;
Through worlds, and races, and terms, and times
Saw musical order, and pairing rhymes.
Olympian bards who sung
Divine ideas below,
Which always fund us young,
And always keep us so.
So I am watching Oprah… well not really watching Oprah but its on in the background and Selma Hayek came on, I love Selma, I think she’s one of the most beautiful people in the world and she’s smart and Hispanic too… any way what was I talking about oh yeah she was plugging her new show Ugly Betty, (based off one of my grandmas favorite telenovelas Betty la fea) and America Ferreira came on and I was wowed. I have loved America Ferreira since Real Women Have Curves, because she is so smart and so pretty and seems like she is such a genuinely good person and she brought up a good point, that we need more people like ugly betty in this day and age people that are more concerned with doing the best job they can and being compassionate in everyday life that it is an irony to call them ugly because they are so beautiful on the inside. She was talking about how there are so many girls in this day and age that are smart and kind and lose that while they are trying to compete with the pretty girls, that we should have more women being concerned about their achievements than their lip gloss. Ok so that’s not exactly what she said I am putting a bit of myself in there but that was the gist of it.
So I agree, wholeheartedly. I have seen girls, brilliant girls become more concerned with trivialities than with humanity. And I am afraid I am becoming one of them. My biggest concern this morning was whether or not my makeup looked ok. This afternoon when I went to visit my sister we wound up watching a show called “how do I look?” and I was wondering how people view me on the outside. I used to not care, I used to not give a flying fuck to tell you the truth, and now, now I feel like I have become more about the make up and appearance than what I am doing for the world.
I think that this struck me so much because I have been reading a lot of Emerson lately. And that whole discussion reminded me of a passage from his second series of essays:
“Those who are esteemed umpires of taste are often persons who have acquired some knowledge of admired pictures or sculptures, and have an inclination for whatever is elegant; but if you inquire whether they are beautiful souls, and whether their own acts are like fair pictures, you learn that they are selfish and sensual… But the highest minds of the world have never ceased to explore the double meaning or triple meaning or shall I say the quadruple or the centuple or much more manifold meaning of every sensuous fact…”
He continues to ramble on I think that’s why I like reading Emerson so much because you can almost see the wheels in his head turning as he flows from subject to subject connecting them together by the finest, nearly unnoticeable thread. So if those who are the judges of beauty do not have beauty within themselves what makes them fit to judge it? What is it about this society that says that the thin pretty woman who rallies for children in Cambodia but would not look twice at a homeless child here is any better than the unremarkable one on the corner trying to change her part of the world but ignoring those in the rest of it? Who decides and why? Is it better to help those in the rest of the world or those around you, but that is not the issue at hand, ignore that until I rant on about that in a different post. The issue at hand is; faced with two portraits side by side of these women one Jane Doe from the street and the other Ms. Movie Star Glamorous, which one are we more inclined, as a society to want to love?
We overlook plain people, the thing we automatically see is wow that woman is a knock out, not wow, I wonder how much character she has. Its sort of a joke to say well she has a nice personality. It implies the person is ugly, why is it not the other way around well at least she’s beautiful. I think that women should be considered both. We should look at someone and judge them inside first. It is what is inside that relationships and friendships and life is built on. I make it sound like I’m un fea myself, I’m not, but I’ll tell you what, one of my favorite quotes actually comes from a comic strip (Baldo), the little girl (Gracie?) is having a conversation with her friend and she says “I like it when people call me pretty, but I like it even better when they call me smart, because at least I had something to do with the smart” and that is the way I am the way I feel to be honest because you can call me fat you can call me ugly you can say I look like shit, and I will simply tell you to fuck off, but you call me stupid and it cuts, it cuts deep, because I would rather be known for what is inside, looks fade they change, what is en vogue now will be out in six months, but what I have inside, will be my legacy. I just want to make sure it is a good one. When people look at me and say wow you’re beautiful I want to believe them, and not just because of what they see on the outside.
Ok back to happy fluffy things… oh wait nothing is happy and fluffy right now. Oh wait, My brother just made me dinner I think the world is ending. Its just grilled cheese but coming from him that’s major. I didn’t even know he knew how to turn on the stove. He made me dinner cause I just got off the phone with him, the ex, supes, renzo, what the fuck do I call him? And I’m obviously shaken. I have been in a cruddy mood lately like snapping-peoples-heads-off, verge-of-tears, not-myself-if-I-didn’t-know-better-I’d-swear-it-was-PMS kind of cruddy mood, and that phone call didn’t help. He’s depressed, I know he’s depressed and as a friend I want to help him but in reality I cant give him what he thinks he needs, he needs to get over me, he needs to move on, he’s gotten himself into a bind financially, and I helped bail him out against my better judgment last time and I’m not gonna do it again, right now I am more concerned about getting on my feet and out of here and away from drive bys next door and I don’t think that helps all that much with all the emotional things I know he’s feeling but trying to hide until he just snaps at me and winds up making me feel like shit.
You know what I am tired of the men in my life making me feel like shit. I don’t want to stand for it any more. I am not a punching bag, I am not a doormat, my name is not mud. If you are angry about something just fucking talk to me about it don’t snip snip snip at me until it hurts, he does this my dad does every man in my life down to my brother does this. I try so hard to not hurt you people, even when I’m hurt and I want to lash out, and you keep cutting at me, and its always cutting down the little I have built up of my confidence in one part or another. I am starting to be able to say I love myself and I cant do that if y’all keep knocking me down.
Ok enough about that
Happy thoughts drea happy thoughts….
Hopefully by this time next week I will actually be Ms. New Boss and not just doing the work for less pay (speaking of doormat) I am looking forward to doing something with that office, I will be sharing it though :( but that’s ok I like Maggie our new office manager so that’s no biggie. And we seem to have the same style. So… break out the sewing machine I’m gonna be making curtains… oh yeah I’m not letting myself get excited about that because I keep fearing I’m not gonna get it for some reason. I don’t know I think I’ve been experiencing so much good lately I keep thinking something bad has to happen. I don’t feel like I deserve the fortune that has fallen upon me lately, but, on the other hand, I’ve worked hard for it and I’m going to take it.
Grrrr! the Invest in Youth (IIY) fundraising campaign is about to start up again… I like IIY… I’m actually in charge of allotting the scholarships now so I know how much we need the money, I just don’t like fundraising. I don’t like having to go to the boring luncheons. I don’t like stressing about raising just ten thousand more dollars, than five thousand, then one thousand, then five hundred, then one hundred. And last year I donated 260 (26 paychecks X $10/check, not bad $260 in one chunk yeah fucking right!) of my own money and I think they expect me to donate that much or more this year, the problem with that is this time last year I had two incomes, now I’m on my own… honestly $10/ check isn’t much, I would probably spend it on nail polish or shoes or other things I really don’t need but I can’t top that… they want more from me they can kiss my ass. I am in charge of raising $35,000 this year. It seems like an insurmountable figure from here. I’m sitting here thinking and what the fuck was I thinking wanting this position? The position that I am doing all the work for but have not been officially awarded yet and am most definitely not compensated for. Damn they’re lucky I love the Y
Ugh! I am sitting here worrying about work and my divorce and all the things I hadn’t intended to talk about so I think I’m gonna go watch CSI (mmm Warrick Nick and Grisom) or take a bath to relax or something. I need to relax I am so wound up I cant even allow myself to release pent up energy doing anything.
P.S. As a side note: For those of you who will be in town the zoo is having a zoo crazy day on Saturday its for kids 5-12 free admission for the kids with an adult purchase and they get to learn all sorts of things about health and hygiene and animal cruelty and other things that we thrust upon the young. There will be free games and fun and (shudder) clowns and such and they can register for free things. I will be at there with the JDRF booth from 11-1:00 and walking around helping out after that y’all should show up.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Morning Wisdom
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...A set of screwdrivers, A cordless drill, and A black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...One friend who Always makes her Laugh...And one Who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...A good piece of furniture Not previously owned byAnyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE Eight matching plates, Wine glasses with stems, And a recipe for a meal that will Make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... A feeling of control over Her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to fall in love Without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... When to try harder... And WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That she can't change The length of her calves, The width of her hips, or The nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That her childhood May not have been Perfect... But; Its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... What she would and Wouldn'tDo for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to live alone... Even if She doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Whom she can trust, Whom she can't, And why she shouldn't Take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Where to go.. Be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. Or a charming inn in the woods... When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she can and can't accomplish In a day... A month... And a year...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...One friend who Always makes her Laugh...And one Who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...A good piece of furniture Not previously owned byAnyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE Eight matching plates, Wine glasses with stems, And a recipe for a meal that will Make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE... A feeling of control over Her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to fall in love Without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
HOW TO QUIT A JOB
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... When to try harder... And WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That she can't change The length of her calves, The width of her hips, or The nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... That her childhood May not have been Perfect... But; Its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... What she would and Wouldn'tDo for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... How to live alone... Even if She doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Whom she can trust, Whom she can't, And why she shouldn't Take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... Where to go.. Be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. Or a charming inn in the woods... When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she can and can't accomplish In a day... A month... And a year...
Monday, September 18, 2006
migraine
Sunday September 17, 2006 2:45 P.M.
My new name is The Petitioner. This is making me seriously reconsider getting a lawyer, I probably would except that I have no money, and if I did have money it would be quickly spent on shoes after this endeavor. I need some seriously hot shoes after this. I will probably blow an entire paycheck on shoes after this bullshit is done. (Ok so I’m a little more responsible than that… not the whole check ;) …)
I’m baking bread doing laundry and typing up, The Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, an Appearance Consent and Waiver, The final Decree, and Marital Settlement Agreement. Remind me to never become a lawyer, or a paralegal, or a secretary for that matter. My eye is twitching, has been for about two hours now, and my head is ready to explode. I still need his help in some things, like his Financial Statement (everything is friggin capitalized) and his signature in five million places, but as long as all of this works out, so long as I worded everything correctly, (and after checking double checking and rechecking I feel pretty confident I have) all he’ll have to do is sign, he won’t even have to show up in court. Which seems a bit unfair, but since when has anything ever been fair?
So, I am taking a break from typing, by uh... typing? Ha! Go fig. I would be writing, it is more physically satisfying and a bit more therapeutic, but I don’t feel like writing, I have a brand new journal that I bought last week and it is sitting right in front of me full of blank pages and possibilities. It is hardcover, spiral bound, sky blue, and has the word RELAX on the cover… maybe that’s the problem, I feel like getting this done, I don’t feel like relaxing. I just needed a break I was starting to speak legalese, and the cat was looking at me like I’m crazier than him.
I had a dream of my new apartment last night… I haven’t even officially decided on which one and here I am dreaming of it. It was nice I had no furniture, but the space was mine and I had a beautiful kitchen fabulous bathroom and a full closet, which is pretty realistic, cause I have everything for my kitchen and my bathroom and my closet, I just have to get a bedroom set, a sofa, a coffee table a new desk a… well quite frankly everything else… including a bed… need to get a bed. I think I’m just gonna buy a full because I’ve gotten used to sleeping on a twin and its just gonna be me so I don’t need all that space, I would say I could just buy a twin, but gee, I’m older than ten.
So my mother is in the other room watching Far and Away in Spanish… Un Horizonte Lejano which translates into “a far horizon” this just seems funny to me for some reason, tom cruise in Spanish is almost as funny as tom cruise in Japanese and I have decided that I need to have some ice cream… not want, NEED at this point. My mom was smart and when I woke up this morning and started working on the papers she started cooking comfort food… I think I will be 20 lbs heavier by the time today is over… maybe not, I had some enchiladas (which is funny cause that’s what me and lissa made for dinner last night but they were not nearly as good or comforting as my moms) and now I am going to go and buy a quart of ice cream and I promise, promise not to eat the whole damn thing myself… or at least to try not to.
Lol my mom just put her battle hair do on, she thinks she looks like a samurai, she kind of does, I think just think she’s high, that was meant as a joke but its probably true, my mom is almost always high when she’s home, so its quite possible. She is doing battle on her eyebrows, which I think is funny, but appropriate. Oh yeah I was leaving to go and get ice cream… by the time this is done maybe I wont even need ice cream. I’m going to leave now luck favors the prepared and I would rather have it and not eat it than to go into a sudden craving for it in like twenty minutes and kill someone to go to the store for me… I totally meant convince, not kill, they don’t drive well when they are dead. And the only person home is my mom and she would kill me long before I got the chance to even touch her. She’s scary sometimes.
Ha ha Malinda said she lost 80 lbs right after her divorce, I’m thinking that’s impossible. Malinda is tiny, and eats like a horse; I don’t think her divorce had anything to do with it. Either that or she wasn’t seriously contemplating eating an entire quart of ice cream… the only reason I wont is because I don’t think it will make me feel any better and I would probably puke. Maybe I’ll just get fruit bars or something… yeah… I’ll be back and I’m sure I will write on here some more.
I’m back… they say caffeine is supposed to relieve migraines so here I am with some Dryers slow churned Mocha Almond Fudge ice cream… it has coffee in it right? It’s helping. Hmmm go figure that one. I’m nearing completion on everything bread, laundry, this bowl of ice cream and papers… and I think I might just be done for the day.
Ok now its nine o’clock and I’m done for the day… for real this time. I’ve been working on this since 8:00 this morning, and I’m not done… almost, but not quite. The rest of the stuff is things that I need his cooperation on, so it’s not like I’m gonna get anywhere tonight, or this week for that matter. Because our work schedules collide meaning he’s not at work when I am and I’m not when he is, and all the other time I am sleeping. Cause I go to bed early or he’s sleeping cause he wakes up late, ok not late but when you leave for work at 600 everything seems late.
I’m freezing and I cant get warm I am sitting here in stretch pants covered in flannel pj bottoms a tank top a tee shirt a big fuzzy sweater, thick socks, pink poofy fuzzy bunny slippers, a heating pad on my back and a heating sack around my shoulders, a knit cap, and I am still freezing. Its sixty degrees out side and much warmer than that in here but I feel like a friggin Popsicle. My skin is cold. I am this bundled up and my skin is cold. I must be dying… ok so everyone is dying and I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with me to make me keel over any sooner, but you never know. That’s my answer to a broken finger nail ugh! I'm dying!
This is ridiculous my temperature is 95.8 I have hypothermia, why? I don’t know. They say that Thomas Jefferson died from hypothermia from eating too much ice cream on a hot day. I had ice cream today, but it was only one small bowl and that was a few hours ago. And it’s not a hot day. So… yeah… I’ll just wrap myself up some more and eat soup.
Yay my mommy loves me she’s making me drink tea and stop complaining and assuring me the world is not coming to an end. I’ll believe her cause she can lie to me about as well as I can lie to her which is not at all, that and my mom is sort of a spaz at times and if the world was ending she would not be this calm and would not be making me tea, she’d be making sure I have clean underwear on (do I have underwear on?) and telling me to start praying.
I love this tea cup my uncle Joe brought it from Japan it’s the perfect size and it has a lid so it can hold the tea at the perfect temperature and it’s very pretty. It is white porcelain with blue butterflies all over, it has been my favorite for quite some time so it has a chip in it just below the lip which has been stained from use after use, I think I need to convince my mom to let me have it after I have an apartment, but I have so many tea cups I already know the answer will be no. just as well, don’t need it anyway. :( . I also like this tea its made by exotica and its Osmanthus tea, apparently Osmanthus is a flower commonly used in fragrances and this stuff smells so good, I’m usually a green tea person and I like exotica’s china white tea the best but its black tea, so I could put honey, but I am anti honey lately,. I have the strangest desire to smear it all over someone but not to drink it.
My phone has not rung all day; I think the world really is coming to an end. I have gotten texts from Justine and Rikki but no calls all day. I hope I didn’t forget to pay it again… wait, no not due yet, not nearly. Hmmm…
I think I am going to go to bed now, it is nearly ten and I am mentally exhausted… that and I really want to snuggle up to my pillow (his name is DD) and get under seven layers of blankets, my woobie is fresh out of the dryer and its almost my bed time anyway.
So good night world I will see you again in a few hours.
My new name is The Petitioner. This is making me seriously reconsider getting a lawyer, I probably would except that I have no money, and if I did have money it would be quickly spent on shoes after this endeavor. I need some seriously hot shoes after this. I will probably blow an entire paycheck on shoes after this bullshit is done. (Ok so I’m a little more responsible than that… not the whole check ;) …)
I’m baking bread doing laundry and typing up, The Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, an Appearance Consent and Waiver, The final Decree, and Marital Settlement Agreement. Remind me to never become a lawyer, or a paralegal, or a secretary for that matter. My eye is twitching, has been for about two hours now, and my head is ready to explode. I still need his help in some things, like his Financial Statement (everything is friggin capitalized) and his signature in five million places, but as long as all of this works out, so long as I worded everything correctly, (and after checking double checking and rechecking I feel pretty confident I have) all he’ll have to do is sign, he won’t even have to show up in court. Which seems a bit unfair, but since when has anything ever been fair?
So, I am taking a break from typing, by uh... typing? Ha! Go fig. I would be writing, it is more physically satisfying and a bit more therapeutic, but I don’t feel like writing, I have a brand new journal that I bought last week and it is sitting right in front of me full of blank pages and possibilities. It is hardcover, spiral bound, sky blue, and has the word RELAX on the cover… maybe that’s the problem, I feel like getting this done, I don’t feel like relaxing. I just needed a break I was starting to speak legalese, and the cat was looking at me like I’m crazier than him.
I had a dream of my new apartment last night… I haven’t even officially decided on which one and here I am dreaming of it. It was nice I had no furniture, but the space was mine and I had a beautiful kitchen fabulous bathroom and a full closet, which is pretty realistic, cause I have everything for my kitchen and my bathroom and my closet, I just have to get a bedroom set, a sofa, a coffee table a new desk a… well quite frankly everything else… including a bed… need to get a bed. I think I’m just gonna buy a full because I’ve gotten used to sleeping on a twin and its just gonna be me so I don’t need all that space, I would say I could just buy a twin, but gee, I’m older than ten.
So my mother is in the other room watching Far and Away in Spanish… Un Horizonte Lejano which translates into “a far horizon” this just seems funny to me for some reason, tom cruise in Spanish is almost as funny as tom cruise in Japanese and I have decided that I need to have some ice cream… not want, NEED at this point. My mom was smart and when I woke up this morning and started working on the papers she started cooking comfort food… I think I will be 20 lbs heavier by the time today is over… maybe not, I had some enchiladas (which is funny cause that’s what me and lissa made for dinner last night but they were not nearly as good or comforting as my moms) and now I am going to go and buy a quart of ice cream and I promise, promise not to eat the whole damn thing myself… or at least to try not to.
Lol my mom just put her battle hair do on, she thinks she looks like a samurai, she kind of does, I think just think she’s high, that was meant as a joke but its probably true, my mom is almost always high when she’s home, so its quite possible. She is doing battle on her eyebrows, which I think is funny, but appropriate. Oh yeah I was leaving to go and get ice cream… by the time this is done maybe I wont even need ice cream. I’m going to leave now luck favors the prepared and I would rather have it and not eat it than to go into a sudden craving for it in like twenty minutes and kill someone to go to the store for me… I totally meant convince, not kill, they don’t drive well when they are dead. And the only person home is my mom and she would kill me long before I got the chance to even touch her. She’s scary sometimes.
Ha ha Malinda said she lost 80 lbs right after her divorce, I’m thinking that’s impossible. Malinda is tiny, and eats like a horse; I don’t think her divorce had anything to do with it. Either that or she wasn’t seriously contemplating eating an entire quart of ice cream… the only reason I wont is because I don’t think it will make me feel any better and I would probably puke. Maybe I’ll just get fruit bars or something… yeah… I’ll be back and I’m sure I will write on here some more.
I’m back… they say caffeine is supposed to relieve migraines so here I am with some Dryers slow churned Mocha Almond Fudge ice cream… it has coffee in it right? It’s helping. Hmmm go figure that one. I’m nearing completion on everything bread, laundry, this bowl of ice cream and papers… and I think I might just be done for the day.
Ok now its nine o’clock and I’m done for the day… for real this time. I’ve been working on this since 8:00 this morning, and I’m not done… almost, but not quite. The rest of the stuff is things that I need his cooperation on, so it’s not like I’m gonna get anywhere tonight, or this week for that matter. Because our work schedules collide meaning he’s not at work when I am and I’m not when he is, and all the other time I am sleeping. Cause I go to bed early or he’s sleeping cause he wakes up late, ok not late but when you leave for work at 600 everything seems late.
I’m freezing and I cant get warm I am sitting here in stretch pants covered in flannel pj bottoms a tank top a tee shirt a big fuzzy sweater, thick socks, pink poofy fuzzy bunny slippers, a heating pad on my back and a heating sack around my shoulders, a knit cap, and I am still freezing. Its sixty degrees out side and much warmer than that in here but I feel like a friggin Popsicle. My skin is cold. I am this bundled up and my skin is cold. I must be dying… ok so everyone is dying and I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with me to make me keel over any sooner, but you never know. That’s my answer to a broken finger nail ugh! I'm dying!
This is ridiculous my temperature is 95.8 I have hypothermia, why? I don’t know. They say that Thomas Jefferson died from hypothermia from eating too much ice cream on a hot day. I had ice cream today, but it was only one small bowl and that was a few hours ago. And it’s not a hot day. So… yeah… I’ll just wrap myself up some more and eat soup.
Yay my mommy loves me she’s making me drink tea and stop complaining and assuring me the world is not coming to an end. I’ll believe her cause she can lie to me about as well as I can lie to her which is not at all, that and my mom is sort of a spaz at times and if the world was ending she would not be this calm and would not be making me tea, she’d be making sure I have clean underwear on (do I have underwear on?) and telling me to start praying.
I love this tea cup my uncle Joe brought it from Japan it’s the perfect size and it has a lid so it can hold the tea at the perfect temperature and it’s very pretty. It is white porcelain with blue butterflies all over, it has been my favorite for quite some time so it has a chip in it just below the lip which has been stained from use after use, I think I need to convince my mom to let me have it after I have an apartment, but I have so many tea cups I already know the answer will be no. just as well, don’t need it anyway. :( . I also like this tea its made by exotica and its Osmanthus tea, apparently Osmanthus is a flower commonly used in fragrances and this stuff smells so good, I’m usually a green tea person and I like exotica’s china white tea the best but its black tea, so I could put honey, but I am anti honey lately,. I have the strangest desire to smear it all over someone but not to drink it.
My phone has not rung all day; I think the world really is coming to an end. I have gotten texts from Justine and Rikki but no calls all day. I hope I didn’t forget to pay it again… wait, no not due yet, not nearly. Hmmm…
I think I am going to go to bed now, it is nearly ten and I am mentally exhausted… that and I really want to snuggle up to my pillow (his name is DD) and get under seven layers of blankets, my woobie is fresh out of the dryer and its almost my bed time anyway.
So good night world I will see you again in a few hours.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
JDRF
so i would like to thank everyone who donated i made $125 (yay!) 25 online and $100 in cash, and for those of you who couldn't donate i understand, i've been there thats why i walk not donate and for those of you who just didn't want to, a pox on you mr Scrooge!
so the walk was intersesting i thought i was going to be alone cause justine bailed out but i ran into Susan Smith, one of the teachers from my work, who is just a total sweetheart, and she invited me to join her church group, so i got to walk with them and i had fun. i might even go to church there tomorrow... nah. we all know i'm not big on church and if my grandmother were to find out that i was going to a church on the other side of town when i refused to go to hers so i could sing in the choir, i will be dead meat. that, and i really don't like church, i wind up leaving feeling dirty. (that and the holy water burns)
so i posted a letter that i shouldnt have and got a couple people very pissed off at me and i am considering taking it off... but i wont, why because its my life too, and its what i was feeling at that time and when i ran across it again i felt like posting it. this thing is my brain, its my life its my memories, if you dont like what is on here stop reading the damned thing.
i went apartment hunting yesterday, i think i found one, now i just have to work on furniture, but i dont know if i want to do the furniture first or the apartment first, i'm thinking apartment because living with my dad is driving me insane.
uh.. i dont really have much to post, right now i'm supposed to be at the library going over divorce papers but i really didnt want to do that today so i got up did my JDRF walk and came here to my sisters to shoot the shit and bum lunch. now i am going to go home and read and fill out the papers on my own, get all the petitions i need together, because if i dont, it won't get done, and i am ready for this to be done.
so the walk was intersesting i thought i was going to be alone cause justine bailed out but i ran into Susan Smith, one of the teachers from my work, who is just a total sweetheart, and she invited me to join her church group, so i got to walk with them and i had fun. i might even go to church there tomorrow... nah. we all know i'm not big on church and if my grandmother were to find out that i was going to a church on the other side of town when i refused to go to hers so i could sing in the choir, i will be dead meat. that, and i really don't like church, i wind up leaving feeling dirty. (that and the holy water burns)
so i posted a letter that i shouldnt have and got a couple people very pissed off at me and i am considering taking it off... but i wont, why because its my life too, and its what i was feeling at that time and when i ran across it again i felt like posting it. this thing is my brain, its my life its my memories, if you dont like what is on here stop reading the damned thing.
i went apartment hunting yesterday, i think i found one, now i just have to work on furniture, but i dont know if i want to do the furniture first or the apartment first, i'm thinking apartment because living with my dad is driving me insane.
uh.. i dont really have much to post, right now i'm supposed to be at the library going over divorce papers but i really didnt want to do that today so i got up did my JDRF walk and came here to my sisters to shoot the shit and bum lunch. now i am going to go home and read and fill out the papers on my own, get all the petitions i need together, because if i dont, it won't get done, and i am ready for this to be done.
yet another thing ripped off kats blog
So I'm posting a survey!!! Hee hee hee... Warning: It's not the most interesting I've ever posted...mostly I'm just bored out of my mind.
Name 3 things in your purse/wallet:
1.) voter registration card
2.) four bucks
3.) flash drive
Name 3 things you do when you're really stressed:
1.) run
2.) rant
3.) paint
Name 3 favorite fruits:
1.) mangos
2.) pomegranites
3.) watermelon
Three names you go by:
1.) Drea
2.) TU!!!!
3.) Miss New Boss
Three of your Favorite restaurants:
1.) Garcias
2.) Fuddruckers
3.) Amadeos
Three things you are wearing right now
1.) teal tank top
2.) grey yoga pants
3.) superman hat
The WHO'S
Who is in the house with you? My sister (i'm at her house)
Who was the last person to IM you? tough one, probably domenick.
Who are you thinking about right now? spike the snake
Who did you last talk to on the phone? have to check... my lissa
Who's house did you last go to? uh duh lissa's
Whose birthday is next?oh fuck... i dont even wanna hear it.... ummm... kelly's?
The WHERE'S
Where do you sleep? on the most uncomfortable cot in the world at my parents house.
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?uh... wal-mart? oh the gap
Where is the last place you took a ride to?wal-mart my sister needed eyeliner
The WHAT'S
What is currently making you mad??I make me madder than anything else. uh... my ex and his inability to communicate anything to me except guilt
What was the last thing you ate? ice cream
What color pants are you wearing?grey
What is the closest item near you that is blue?my ring or post its
What's your favorite color?dont have one (yeah i know i'm a freak) hmmm... blue?
What is your favorite website?i dont really have one... yahoo.com?
What is your favorite shoe brand? definitely not nike, i'm mad at them my running shoes have a hole in the sole after only four months (although i have had a lot of stress lately) Steve Maddens, they are sexy as fuck
What is the last movie you watched?wow good question its been a while shopgirl at home and the Lake House at the movies... wait thats not the last one... but i dont remember the other one.
What song do you currently hear? ceartianly Erykah Badhu
The WHEN'S
When did you meet your best friend?Kat was in 9th grade Rikki was last year or so
When did you last go to the mall? last pay day with Justine shoe shopping, and i bought nothing, i should be proud but i feel slightly deprived
When's the last time you bought a pair of jeans?hmmm i need to buy jeans uh... last year, 18 months ago something like that
When did you last burn a candle?Last week when i took a bath, not to say last week was the last time i bathed but, well you get what i mean.
Name 3 things in your purse/wallet:
1.) voter registration card
2.) four bucks
3.) flash drive
Name 3 things you do when you're really stressed:
1.) run
2.) rant
3.) paint
Name 3 favorite fruits:
1.) mangos
2.) pomegranites
3.) watermelon
Three names you go by:
1.) Drea
2.) TU!!!!
3.) Miss New Boss
Three of your Favorite restaurants:
1.) Garcias
2.) Fuddruckers
3.) Amadeos
Three things you are wearing right now
1.) teal tank top
2.) grey yoga pants
3.) superman hat
The WHO'S
Who is in the house with you? My sister (i'm at her house)
Who was the last person to IM you? tough one, probably domenick.
Who are you thinking about right now? spike the snake
Who did you last talk to on the phone? have to check... my lissa
Who's house did you last go to? uh duh lissa's
Whose birthday is next?oh fuck... i dont even wanna hear it.... ummm... kelly's?
The WHERE'S
Where do you sleep? on the most uncomfortable cot in the world at my parents house.
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?uh... wal-mart?
Where is the last place you took a ride to?wal-mart my sister needed eyeliner
The WHAT'S
What is currently making you mad??I make me madder than anything else. uh... my ex and his inability to communicate anything to me except guilt
What was the last thing you ate? ice cream
What color pants are you wearing?grey
What is the closest item near you that is blue?my ring or post its
What's your favorite color?dont have one (yeah i know i'm a freak) hmmm... blue?
What is your favorite website?i dont really have one... yahoo.com?
What is your favorite shoe brand? definitely not nike, i'm mad at them my running shoes have a hole in the sole after only four months (although i have had a lot of stress lately) Steve Maddens, they are sexy as fuck
What is the last movie you watched?wow good question its been a while shopgirl at home and the Lake House at the movies... wait thats not the last one... but i dont remember the other one.
What song do you currently hear? ceartianly Erykah Badhu
The WHEN'S
When did you meet your best friend?Kat was in 9th grade Rikki was last year or so
When did you last go to the mall? last pay day with Justine shoe shopping, and i bought nothing, i should be proud but i feel slightly deprived
When's the last time you bought a pair of jeans?hmmm i need to buy jeans uh... last year, 18 months ago something like that
When did you last burn a candle?Last week when i took a bath, not to say last week was the last time i bathed but, well you get what i mean.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
hastings has $.49 books
Coffee makes me feel like superwoman.
It’s hard to play hooky and still feel like superwoman, but damned if I’m not gonna try.
Today I have:
Gone to work
Substituted
Gone to the office
Gotten breakfast
Gone book shopping
Gone to my grandmothers house
Gone running
Saved a chipmunk
Gone to work
Gone home
Gotten the salaries and childcare rates for 20 places in Albuquerque
Baked bread
Read up on divorce in New Mexico
Balanced my checkbook
Made dinner
Started filling out the petition for divorce
Cleaned my room
Cleaned out my car
Planned out my schedule for next week
Finished my ironing
And its only 6:15
Divorce in a box
So I’m feeling kind of scummy cause I bought the divorce in a box (its not called that, it is called “the simplified divorce kit for no fault divorces”) and I’m actually contemplating using it, because it will save me time and money spent on an attorney, two things I don’t have. But I still feel scummy.
Under this national rain cloud
I’m getting soaked to the skin
Trying to find my umbrella
But I don’t know where to begin
And its simply irrational weather
I can’t even hear myself think
Constantly bailing out water
But still feel like I’m gonna sink
Cause I’m under the weather,
Just like the world
So sorry for being so bold
When I turn out the light
You’re out of sight
Although I know that I’m not alone
It feels like home
You say you feel like a natural person
You haven’t got nothing to hide
So why do you feel imperfection
Cut like a sword in your side
Cause you’re under the weather
Just like the world
Sorry for being so bold
I turn out the light
You’re out of sight
Although I know I’m alone
It feels like home
Don’t wanna be second best
Don’t wanna stand in line
Don’t wanna fall behind
Don’t wanna get caught out
Don’t wanna do without
And the lesson I must learn
Is that I’ve got to wait my turn
Looks like I gotta be hot and cold
Gotta be taut and old
Gotta be good as gold
But perfectly honestly
I think I won’t pick that for me
Cause it’s a hindrance to my health
If I’m a stranger to myself
Miniature disasters
And minor catastrophes
Bring me to my knees
Well I must be my own master
Or the miniature disasters will be
Will be the death of me
I don’t have to raise my voice
Don’t have to be underhand
Just gotta understand
That it’s gonna be up and down
Gonna be lost and found
And I can’t take to the sky
Before I like it on the ground
And I need to be patient
And I need to be brave
And I need to discover
How I need to behave
And I’ll find all the answers
When I know what to ask
But I speak a different language
And everyone’s talking too fast
The letter I wrote him the first time (last August) found amongst the many, many boxes of shit I have been delegated to go through on my own:
Dear Lorenzo,
I haven’t written a letter to you in a very long time. If you are reading this, it means I royally fucked up what I was trying to say.
I love you. This is a fact that I know will never change. I will love you until the day I die…
I’m leaving you. It’s not because of anything you’ve done, and I do not love you any less than the day I first started; I am leaving you because I am no longer sure of myself.
You and I are in two different worlds, I have been trying for years to fit into yours. I feel like a square peg in a round hole, I can’t be anything other than who I am and I shouldn’t have to be. It has taken me five years and a lot of growing to realize this. I cannot hold you back from the things you want to do but I cannot allow myself to be held back either. But I am. You don’t do this to me intentionally but I want so many things and I can’t allow myself to do them because of what I feel it will do to you.
I do not want this to be a goodbye. I have just come to terms with the fact that I am growing up, and I fear growing away from you. I have no patience for you lately. I need a break I don’t know how long it will be. I would like you to be willing to wait for me, but I will understand if you can’t, I will cross that bridge when I get there; this one is hard enough for me as it is. I will always love you, but right now that’s not enough because I need to learn to love myself. I don’t know this person I have become. I have lost sight of my goals because I am trying to adjust my life around you. If I didn’t love you anymore this would be so much easier, but its not.
I would marry you tomorrow if you asked, and if you asked my dad for my hand. But I know that will never happen.
You haven’t done anything wrong; I just need more life experience than I can get with you. I need to finish school; to see what I want; to take opportunities that I couldn’t if I were worried about you the whole time. I need to discover who I truly am, I am afraid that I will never be completely happy with you until I can be completely happy with myself without you. I need to be a whole person, need to be a complete adult, and I need the same from you in order to have any chance for our relationship to stand the strain of time and life.
I am scared and confused.
I am afraid that I will marry you and we will end in divorce a few years down the line, or even worse that we will stay together forever ruining our chance at the happiness life could possibly have in store.
I am leaving and I’m sorry
Love,
Xuppy
I hate it when I’m right. All the reasons I listed for leaving him the first time (and then some) were still true, and we are ending in divorce, it hasn’t even been a year. I should have never run back to him but I did because he was safe and known, and it felt like the rest of my life was falling down around my ears. I needed a safe harbor and I thought I found it in him, but he could not protect me from the harm he was inflicting himself. I knew as I was walking down the aisle that I should not have been doing what I was doing, but I did it anyway, and I have deeply hurt him and myself in the process. It would have been much easier if I had just said no, it would have been much easier to say no if his grandmother was not there, and his grandmother wouldn’t have been there if he hadn’t spilled the beans. but I have no one to blame but myself, I should have had the strength to put a stop to things before they got to that point, but I saw my chance at a secure life and I decided to take it. Security is overrated. All I want now is my independence, something I haven’t really known since, well since ever. I want to put this behind me and I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have. I will think long and hard before I get married again, if I ever do decide to get married again.
Poem I wrote on him the last time I slept with him, it was a very sensual experience before the world crashed
i’d forgotten
how
big
your feet were
until
i laid mine on yours
one
across your toes
one
across the heel
and realized
they didn’t touch
i’d forgotten
how
small and delicate
your
big
rough hands
could
make me feel
until
they were inside me
and
i was
lost
i’d forgotten
how
your
long loving arms
could make
the passion inside me
burn
until
you wrapped one
around my waist
and pulled me
by
my shoulder
into you
completely
i’d forgotten
how
your heart sounds
until
i laid
my head
on
your chest
and felt
life
caress my cheek
i didn’t forget
that you love me
or that I love you
and
always
will.
i didn’t forget
my
favorite spot
below the
ear
or
how to
drive you crazy
with a smile
i want to
keep
the memories
inside
me
in
my skin
or
in
my heart
it is there the
memories remain
is it harder
to
keep them
to the flesh
or
to the brain
or
to relinquish
all three
to my pen
you are mine
and i
i am yours
and we will be
forever
even
after the end
even
after life goes on
and
i
will never
allow
myself
to forget
again
I know this is TMI for you people, but I need to get laid. I need that physical connection, I would like the emotional connection, but I don’t know if I will ever have that again. In a perfect world, but the world isn’t perfect, it’s the only one I have. My pillow just cant compare, cant love me back the way I wish it could, it doesn’t smell like a man, it doesn’t feel like a man, in my dreams it is my man, but this is not enough. On the other hand something in my heart is telling me I’m not ready, that I still need to heal. If the man who was supposed to love me for the rest of my life can up and leave my bed for another woman, what could John Q. Sample do? I still feel like I wasn’t worth the effort to him, and I don’t know if I ever will be to anyone, the love of my life included.
It’s hard to play hooky and still feel like superwoman, but damned if I’m not gonna try.
Today I have:
Gone to work
Substituted
Gone to the office
Gotten breakfast
Gone book shopping
Gone to my grandmothers house
Gone running
Saved a chipmunk
Gone to work
Gone home
Gotten the salaries and childcare rates for 20 places in Albuquerque
Baked bread
Read up on divorce in New Mexico
Balanced my checkbook
Made dinner
Started filling out the petition for divorce
Cleaned my room
Cleaned out my car
Planned out my schedule for next week
Finished my ironing
And its only 6:15
Divorce in a box
So I’m feeling kind of scummy cause I bought the divorce in a box (its not called that, it is called “the simplified divorce kit for no fault divorces”) and I’m actually contemplating using it, because it will save me time and money spent on an attorney, two things I don’t have. But I still feel scummy.
Under this national rain cloud
I’m getting soaked to the skin
Trying to find my umbrella
But I don’t know where to begin
And its simply irrational weather
I can’t even hear myself think
Constantly bailing out water
But still feel like I’m gonna sink
Cause I’m under the weather,
Just like the world
So sorry for being so bold
When I turn out the light
You’re out of sight
Although I know that I’m not alone
It feels like home
You say you feel like a natural person
You haven’t got nothing to hide
So why do you feel imperfection
Cut like a sword in your side
Cause you’re under the weather
Just like the world
Sorry for being so bold
I turn out the light
You’re out of sight
Although I know I’m alone
It feels like home
Don’t wanna be second best
Don’t wanna stand in line
Don’t wanna fall behind
Don’t wanna get caught out
Don’t wanna do without
And the lesson I must learn
Is that I’ve got to wait my turn
Looks like I gotta be hot and cold
Gotta be taut and old
Gotta be good as gold
But perfectly honestly
I think I won’t pick that for me
Cause it’s a hindrance to my health
If I’m a stranger to myself
Miniature disasters
And minor catastrophes
Bring me to my knees
Well I must be my own master
Or the miniature disasters will be
Will be the death of me
I don’t have to raise my voice
Don’t have to be underhand
Just gotta understand
That it’s gonna be up and down
Gonna be lost and found
And I can’t take to the sky
Before I like it on the ground
And I need to be patient
And I need to be brave
And I need to discover
How I need to behave
And I’ll find all the answers
When I know what to ask
But I speak a different language
And everyone’s talking too fast
The letter I wrote him the first time (last August) found amongst the many, many boxes of shit I have been delegated to go through on my own:
Dear Lorenzo,
I haven’t written a letter to you in a very long time. If you are reading this, it means I royally fucked up what I was trying to say.
I love you. This is a fact that I know will never change. I will love you until the day I die…
I’m leaving you. It’s not because of anything you’ve done, and I do not love you any less than the day I first started; I am leaving you because I am no longer sure of myself.
You and I are in two different worlds, I have been trying for years to fit into yours. I feel like a square peg in a round hole, I can’t be anything other than who I am and I shouldn’t have to be. It has taken me five years and a lot of growing to realize this. I cannot hold you back from the things you want to do but I cannot allow myself to be held back either. But I am. You don’t do this to me intentionally but I want so many things and I can’t allow myself to do them because of what I feel it will do to you.
I do not want this to be a goodbye. I have just come to terms with the fact that I am growing up, and I fear growing away from you. I have no patience for you lately. I need a break I don’t know how long it will be. I would like you to be willing to wait for me, but I will understand if you can’t, I will cross that bridge when I get there; this one is hard enough for me as it is. I will always love you, but right now that’s not enough because I need to learn to love myself. I don’t know this person I have become. I have lost sight of my goals because I am trying to adjust my life around you. If I didn’t love you anymore this would be so much easier, but its not.
I would marry you tomorrow if you asked, and if you asked my dad for my hand. But I know that will never happen.
You haven’t done anything wrong; I just need more life experience than I can get with you. I need to finish school; to see what I want; to take opportunities that I couldn’t if I were worried about you the whole time. I need to discover who I truly am, I am afraid that I will never be completely happy with you until I can be completely happy with myself without you. I need to be a whole person, need to be a complete adult, and I need the same from you in order to have any chance for our relationship to stand the strain of time and life.
I am scared and confused.
I am afraid that I will marry you and we will end in divorce a few years down the line, or even worse that we will stay together forever ruining our chance at the happiness life could possibly have in store.
I am leaving and I’m sorry
Love,
Xuppy
I hate it when I’m right. All the reasons I listed for leaving him the first time (and then some) were still true, and we are ending in divorce, it hasn’t even been a year. I should have never run back to him but I did because he was safe and known, and it felt like the rest of my life was falling down around my ears. I needed a safe harbor and I thought I found it in him, but he could not protect me from the harm he was inflicting himself. I knew as I was walking down the aisle that I should not have been doing what I was doing, but I did it anyway, and I have deeply hurt him and myself in the process. It would have been much easier if I had just said no, it would have been much easier to say no if his grandmother was not there, and his grandmother wouldn’t have been there if he hadn’t spilled the beans. but I have no one to blame but myself, I should have had the strength to put a stop to things before they got to that point, but I saw my chance at a secure life and I decided to take it. Security is overrated. All I want now is my independence, something I haven’t really known since, well since ever. I want to put this behind me and I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have. I will think long and hard before I get married again, if I ever do decide to get married again.
Poem I wrote on him the last time I slept with him, it was a very sensual experience before the world crashed
i’d forgotten
how
big
your feet were
until
i laid mine on yours
one
across your toes
one
across the heel
and realized
they didn’t touch
i’d forgotten
how
small and delicate
your
big
rough hands
could
make me feel
until
they were inside me
and
i was
lost
i’d forgotten
how
your
long loving arms
could make
the passion inside me
burn
until
you wrapped one
around my waist
and pulled me
by
my shoulder
into you
completely
i’d forgotten
how
your heart sounds
until
i laid
my head
on
your chest
and felt
life
caress my cheek
i didn’t forget
that you love me
or that I love you
and
always
will.
i didn’t forget
my
favorite spot
below the
ear
or
how to
drive you crazy
with a smile
i want to
keep
the memories
inside
me
in
my skin
or
in
my heart
it is there the
memories remain
is it harder
to
keep them
to the flesh
or
to the brain
or
to relinquish
all three
to my pen
you are mine
and i
i am yours
and we will be
forever
even
after the end
even
after life goes on
and
i
will never
allow
myself
to forget
again
I know this is TMI for you people, but I need to get laid. I need that physical connection, I would like the emotional connection, but I don’t know if I will ever have that again. In a perfect world, but the world isn’t perfect, it’s the only one I have. My pillow just cant compare, cant love me back the way I wish it could, it doesn’t smell like a man, it doesn’t feel like a man, in my dreams it is my man, but this is not enough. On the other hand something in my heart is telling me I’m not ready, that I still need to heal. If the man who was supposed to love me for the rest of my life can up and leave my bed for another woman, what could John Q. Sample do? I still feel like I wasn’t worth the effort to him, and I don’t know if I ever will be to anyone, the love of my life included.
Monday, September 11, 2006
November Baby
yet another random chain mail that amused me much more than it should have. i think the person who wrote it was a december baby though.
'njoy
*JANUARY BABY* Pretty/Handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Smart. Honest and loyal.Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Trustworthy.Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Hardworking. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.
*FEBRUARY BABY * Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing pers onality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Carries a jealous streak.Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.
*MARCH BABY* Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.
*APRIL BABY * Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concernedand! detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever andknowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer evryone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, m usic, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye will make an introduction to you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.
*MAY BABY * born and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts.! Easily angered. Deep feelings . Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards oppisite sex. Easily consoled. Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike beingat home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited.If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will bec ome close to someone you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.
*JUNE BABY * You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends. You are very outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. A wicked hottie. Adventouse, Ambitious, Traveler, Kind Hearted and very determined to reach goals. Loves life and lives it to the fullest . It is also more than likely that you have a massive CD collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.
*JULY BABY* Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Waits for friends. Forgiving but never forgets. Guides others physically and mentally. ensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Strong sense of sympathyWary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the ne xt 12 days
*AUGUST BABY* Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control.kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easyto get along with and talk to. has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. Patient.in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter. repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.
*SEPTEMBER BABY* Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. if you do not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.
*OCTOBER BABY * Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Very emotional. Moody most of the time. Stubborn. hates studying.Lies. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Easily hurt. Very emotional and temperamental. Too sensitive and outspoken when you should be listening.Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Loves attention.Unpredictable. . repost this in 5 mins
*NOVEMBER BABY* Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Loves music.Very mysterious. Playful, but secretive. Very Sexy. Independent. Center of attention.Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because they're one of a kind. repost in 5 mins & you will excell in a major event coming up sometime this month.
*DECEMBER BABY* This straight-up means your the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easyto talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced! by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Fussy.pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. [A hott new guy/girl will catch your eye & you will catch theirs too in the next 6days, if you repost in 5min
'njoy
*JANUARY BABY* Pretty/Handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Smart. Honest and loyal.Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Trustworthy.Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Hardworking. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.
*FEBRUARY BABY * Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing pers onality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Carries a jealous streak.Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.
*MARCH BABY* Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others.If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.
*APRIL BABY * Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concernedand! detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever andknowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer evryone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, m usic, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye will make an introduction to you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.
*MAY BABY * born and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts.! Easily angered. Deep feelings . Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards oppisite sex. Easily consoled. Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike beingat home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited.If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will bec ome close to someone you do not speak to much in the next 4 days.
*JUNE BABY * You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends. You are very outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. A wicked hottie. Adventouse, Ambitious, Traveler, Kind Hearted and very determined to reach goals. Loves life and lives it to the fullest . It is also more than likely that you have a massive CD collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.
*JULY BABY* Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Waits for friends. Forgiving but never forgets. Guides others physically and mentally. ensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Strong sense of sympathyWary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the ne xt 12 days
*AUGUST BABY* Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control.kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. easyto get along with and talk to. has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved. Patient.in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter. repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.
*SEPTEMBER BABY* Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. if you do not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.
*OCTOBER BABY * Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Very emotional. Moody most of the time. Stubborn. hates studying.Lies. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Easily hurt. Very emotional and temperamental. Too sensitive and outspoken when you should be listening.Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Loves attention.Unpredictable. . repost this in 5 mins
*NOVEMBER BABY* Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Loves music.Very mysterious. Playful, but secretive. Very Sexy. Independent. Center of attention.Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because they're one of a kind. repost in 5 mins & you will excell in a major event coming up sometime this month.
*DECEMBER BABY* This straight-up means your the most good-looking person possible... better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easyto talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced! by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Fussy.pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. [A hott new guy/girl will catch your eye & you will catch theirs too in the next 6days, if you repost in 5min
mmm... double veggie teriyaki bowl.
"The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is." -Winston Churchill
its the best lunch ever.
so i have become a workaholic.
i got in my car and started driving and it brought me here, back to the site. i wasn't intending on coming here but here i am.
i have decided i need to live up to my potential.
ok so this is a duh statement, but really people have been telling me my whole life i am capable of so much more and i've sort of just slacked off and ignored it.
i was in the shower yesterday and i had tried sneaking something past my mom and she discovered it and my smart ass reply was no one's ever accused me of being smart. and she said no, thats the problem you're three points away from genius and you act like your three points below average. which was like ouch. but then i realized, you know what... she's right.
so what am i to do? i have no time because like i said before i am a workaholic. i've been working 12 hour days (ok so i take a two hour lunch, so it translates into ten hour days) and then i work more when i get home and by the time i go to bed i have only a couple hours to myself before i get up and do it all over again.
damnit i just spilled teriyaki on my shirt.
so i need to come up with someway to 1. find my potential and then 2. live up to it.
what should i do? and does it have to be public?
1. finish school.
- this is definitely on my list i dont know what i want out of life still but i know i need a degree if i am to get anywhere in this world. i have finally decided i am going to major in studio art and minor in english, this is going to be difficult but this is what i want. so let it be written so let it be done etc.. etc..
2. do something important with my life
- this is why i like my current job, i get to work with kids and help some of them see thier potential, thier self worth, it is the most rewarding part of my job. unfortunately i'm kind of limited where i'm at right now, i see chance to do so much but i am lacking what it takes...
3. make a difference in someone elses life
-i try to do this every day, i dont know how successful am with this but i try i think i'm gonna start doing things to help the community, like get off my hiney and vote, join the junior diabeaties walk this saturday. do the trek for trash to help clean albuquerque. i want to save the world, i know this is impossble but i will do my best to save my part of it.
4. become fluent in french and spanish and possibly another language...
at this rate i need to work on english.
ok thats enough of that. its a start and i will accomplish as much as i can.
its the best lunch ever.
so i have become a workaholic.
i got in my car and started driving and it brought me here, back to the site. i wasn't intending on coming here but here i am.
i have decided i need to live up to my potential.
ok so this is a duh statement, but really people have been telling me my whole life i am capable of so much more and i've sort of just slacked off and ignored it.
i was in the shower yesterday and i had tried sneaking something past my mom and she discovered it and my smart ass reply was no one's ever accused me of being smart. and she said no, thats the problem you're three points away from genius and you act like your three points below average. which was like ouch. but then i realized, you know what... she's right.
so what am i to do? i have no time because like i said before i am a workaholic. i've been working 12 hour days (ok so i take a two hour lunch, so it translates into ten hour days) and then i work more when i get home and by the time i go to bed i have only a couple hours to myself before i get up and do it all over again.
damnit i just spilled teriyaki on my shirt.
so i need to come up with someway to 1. find my potential and then 2. live up to it.
what should i do? and does it have to be public?
1. finish school.
- this is definitely on my list i dont know what i want out of life still but i know i need a degree if i am to get anywhere in this world. i have finally decided i am going to major in studio art and minor in english, this is going to be difficult but this is what i want. so let it be written so let it be done etc.. etc..
2. do something important with my life
- this is why i like my current job, i get to work with kids and help some of them see thier potential, thier self worth, it is the most rewarding part of my job. unfortunately i'm kind of limited where i'm at right now, i see chance to do so much but i am lacking what it takes...
3. make a difference in someone elses life
-i try to do this every day, i dont know how successful am with this but i try i think i'm gonna start doing things to help the community, like get off my hiney and vote, join the junior diabeaties walk this saturday. do the trek for trash to help clean albuquerque. i want to save the world, i know this is impossble but i will do my best to save my part of it.
4. become fluent in french and spanish and possibly another language...
at this rate i need to work on english.
ok thats enough of that. its a start and i will accomplish as much as i can.
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