Just Keep Swimming

Friday December 2nd 2005
“I can’t stand to fly I'm not that naive, men weren’t meant to ride with clouds between their knees… I am only a man in a funny red sheet, even heroes have the right to bleed, and it’s not easy to be me.” – Superman (I don’t know the name of the band, katwoman would know but I don’t)

So my rant today is about women having to be multifaceted creatures. Supes got in a car wreck yesterday, and today he was declared a liability and let go from his job. He has never been any good with money so he has none saved for a crisis like this I blew all I had on vacation so we are in deep kimchi. I am dying inside I am freaking out and wondering how the hell we are going to deal with this and get through Christmas… but I am not allowing it to show outside. I have become superwoman on the outside all powerful capable of anything. I have held my three hundred pound side kick like a baby when he needed it after times as shitty as these, and today I have reassured him that everything is going to be ok… I need him to do the same for me once it all is ok and I allow myself to show emotion. How can we do that? Put on a mask as long as we need it… women are strong as stone and delicate as flowers, we are leather and lace, we are so many contradictory things… why? Is it all women or is it just me and my family. i find the need to be so many different things on so many different occasions. I am glad I am not going to be a mother any time soon, I don’t think I am ready to take on more roles, Gestapo, nurse, security blanket, vending machine, carry all…. All those things that mothers become. Ugh not any time soon!

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Ok so I can stop freaking out he found another job before I could even get out of work… he doesn’t start till the 19th which means he wont get paid till after Christmas but we’ll be fine somehow, every thing works out ok in the end, (I'm hoping for spectacular but I can deal with ok) so back to my rant from earlier today… multifaceted women. Ha! perfect example I was a mess earlier today and now I am cool calm collected… I had this whole essay about what I was thinking of and in the course of my day, dealing with life or death he stole my pencil kind of crises and the stress of everything going on in the real world I have forgotten what I was going to talk about… all I remember is this women do not make good men and should not dress up as such, men can pull it off for some freaky reason but women cannot cross dress… I don’t get why they do anyway, if you are going to be a lesbian be a lesbian and sleep with women by all means, they are beautiful creatures, (which is why I assume is why men like to dress like them) but why choose an alternative life style and then date someone who looks like a man (or woman for the men) anyway? I actually understand the men dressing as women more than vice versa just because it is a whole lot of fun to get all gussied up, make-up, hair, nails, the clothes, the heels…. But dressing like a man, not so much its like your hiding your beauty… I don’t get it. I'm sure I will just piss some one off with this statement, eh I'm getting used to it, but I just don’t understand. The other thing is why do women wear ugly four inch heels? If you are going to commit to the four inches they could be pretty. I am a freak about shoes… some people come home from work and put on tennies I come home and put on heels. I wear tennies all day because all day long I am playing soccer or hackey sac or chasing kids or playing football or doing yoga or…. You get the idea… besides they’re little people I don’t need to give them a height complex. So I come home and I put on my pretty clothes and my pretty heels because I love being a girl. (and because everyone I know is at least 6” taller than me :( ) anyway back to what I was saying before… (I'm not all over the place can you tell?) everyday this woman comes in wearing four inch pumps… old granny pumps, the ones that are usually an inch tops… I don’t know where she got these shoes but I need to find the place so I can burn it down. The woman is dressed impeccably but the shoes, dear god the shoes are killing me. She has plenty of cute flats and I’ve even seen some stilettos that are both professional and sexy despite being a slightly lower heel. But these pumps… they have a square toe are plain black leather and have a huge heel… I don’t get it…. I know she can walk in stilettos, so I know that she can walk in something just a little thinner than what she has on everyday. The shoes make her legs look great but kill everything else, then again the woman still has a 1980’s hair-do so maybe she thinks they are fashionable… not that I am one to talk about hair, my own is usually either a frizzy mess or in a bun with chopsticks… 0k so I have ventured far, far from what I was originally gonna say and have ranted for way too long about trivial things so I will end here (though I would much rather be concerned with trivialities right now.)