and apparently i'm white too.
had a discussion this morning about whether or not hispanics are white. this was strange to me because i dont consider myself white. i dont really consider myself anything, my family is spaniards, with a little apache and quite probably mexican thrown in (though they would never admit it, in my family mexican is a dirty word.) i guess i think of everyone else of european decent as white, including those that are pure spaniard, but i still dont consider my self white. im not black, i'm not aisan, im not pure native. so what am i i'm brown a heinz 57 mix like so many others. not that it matters whether im racially ambiguous or not, i'm an american, though not a flag waving uber patriotic one, and i am a person, 'nuff said. its just strange to go from having everyone your whole life tell you that you're not white to meeting one person who says yeah you are. and you can see it either way. so yes i am white but i am also brown and red and everyother color. i dont get it and this whole thing started because i asked if they say the Pledge of Allegiance in spanish everywhere or just here, and the person i asked said this is america, not spain, i am beginning to think that all of those uneducated people who think that New Mexico is a different country may just be right, though not in the sense they think they are. just like growing up in the south valley is way different than growing up in the middle of Albuquerque. where i grew up all the neighbors are friends and all the friends are family, and we all know what the others are doing but we love them just the same, when i moved into the middle of the city i didn't even meet my neighbors. i thought it was a culture thing at the time but now i see that it is just going from a pseudo-rural setting to more of an urban one (if you can call Albuquerque urban). ok so enough with this useless rant. i'm white, i'm not white, i dont really care and i guess i will just have to live with however people see me, i instead of focusing on race will decide to be a artist/poet/writer and color be damned.
so the princess thing. i hate being called princess, its too cutsey, too girly and reminds me that these women had all the obligations and none of the power. the only thing i want out of being a princess is a pretty dress, red silk instead of pink taffeta, but thats not a princess dress thats more for the kings mistress. supes has taken to calling me princess just to piss me off, when i told him i didnt want the responsiblity without the power, he asked me why im in the job i am... and i had to stop and think. i really am a friggin princess.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
yay more fun little list-y things i ripped off from kat
Seriously. I think I need to see someone about this problem...
Ten Bands / Artists I Love / Can't Live Without:
1. My Chemical Romance
2. Gorillaz
3. The Doors
4. Billie Holiday
5. Avenged Sevenfold
6. Korn
7. Goo Goo Dolls
8. Jack Johnson
9. K.T. Tunstall
10. My Tony Bennet
Nine Movies I Like:
1. The Butterfly Effect
2. The Princess Bride
3. Gone With The Wind
4. Harry Potter 1-4
5. The Parent Trap (Haley Mills not Lindsay Lohan)
6. Ever After
7. Unleashed
8. Real Women Have Curves
9. John Wayne Maureen O'hara Films (The Quiet Man, McClintock....)
Eight Things I Like To Wear:
1. Red Lipstick
2. Heels
3. Stone Jewelry
4. Flowers in my hair
5. Funky nail polish
6. My little black dress
7. Chapstick
8. A smile
Seven Things I Like To Do For Fun:
1. Reading
2. Art
3. Driving
4. Shopping
5. Watching sappy/funny movies
6. Blogging
7. Talking
Six People That Mean Alot To Me:
1. Family
2. Friends
3. My Husband
4. My 75 Kiddos
5. Other people I love
6. People I claim to hate but really care enough about to let them upset me.
Five Things I Will Not Do
1. Live In Pie Town, NM
2. Speak French properly
3. Sell my soul to satan
4. Sell my artwork
5. Walk on water
Four Things I Just Don't Understand:
1. The Roman Catholic Church
2. Men
3. How one can get an A in a class and still get a D for the semester
4. English
Three Random Things About Me:
1. I am pissed off right now
2. I need coffee
3. I want a snake
Two Of My Favorite Stores:
1. Michaels
2. Barns & Nobel
One Thing Worth Waiting For:
1. Patience. (I'm still waiting on that one.)
Ten Bands / Artists I Love / Can't Live Without:
1. My Chemical Romance
2. Gorillaz
3. The Doors
4. Billie Holiday
5. Avenged Sevenfold
6. Korn
7. Goo Goo Dolls
8. Jack Johnson
9. K.T. Tunstall
10. My Tony Bennet
Nine Movies I Like:
1. The Butterfly Effect
2. The Princess Bride
3. Gone With The Wind
4. Harry Potter 1-4
5. The Parent Trap (Haley Mills not Lindsay Lohan)
6. Ever After
7. Unleashed
8. Real Women Have Curves
9. John Wayne Maureen O'hara Films (The Quiet Man, McClintock....)
Eight Things I Like To Wear:
1. Red Lipstick
2. Heels
3. Stone Jewelry
4. Flowers in my hair
5. Funky nail polish
6. My little black dress
7. Chapstick
8. A smile
Seven Things I Like To Do For Fun:
1. Reading
2. Art
3. Driving
4. Shopping
5. Watching sappy/funny movies
6. Blogging
7. Talking
Six People That Mean Alot To Me:
1. Family
2. Friends
3. My Husband
4. My 75 Kiddos
5. Other people I love
6. People I claim to hate but really care enough about to let them upset me.
Five Things I Will Not Do
1. Live In Pie Town, NM
2. Speak French properly
3. Sell my soul to satan
4. Sell my artwork
5. Walk on water
Four Things I Just Don't Understand:
1. The Roman Catholic Church
2. Men
3. How one can get an A in a class and still get a D for the semester
4. English
Three Random Things About Me:
1. I am pissed off right now
2. I need coffee
3. I want a snake
Two Of My Favorite Stores:
1. Michaels
2. Barns & Nobel
One Thing Worth Waiting For:
1. Patience. (I'm still waiting on that one.)
Monday, March 27, 2006
... as if i didnt have enough personality disorders...
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)- Tiger Central (sounds like a band)
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your dad's side, your favorite candy)- Pauline Lemon Drop (which is also my current favorite drink)
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name)- A Ja or A Ar. (i like A Ja. better)
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, favorite color)- Panda Blue Kinda like this one
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)- Nicole Las Vegas (maybe Nikki Vegas?)
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)- Ara Gar Yod or Jar Gar Yod (this is just strange since my cats name was actually Yoda)
7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)- Elocin Aicrag (not too bad.)
8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automoblie you drive)- The Blue Saturn SL1 (i sound like a robot)
ha! these are funny but suck. Kats were much better.
Hurrah. les poemmes! (las poemmes? i dunno, so failing french) (so lucky i dont have an english class would be fail that too)
It Is Enough
It is enough to lean against
the fabric of your flesh.
It is enough to lie
in the domestic morning.
It is enough to watch the light
expand through windows—
rising and falling
between out bodies on this bed,
this room, this continent.
We grow wise watching leaky faucets,
faded wallpaper, mismatched socks.
The coffee boiling on the stove
prepares us for the network news,
shopping malls, miracle cures
and tomorrow always sitting on our bed.
But in the rush of years,
we have not lost the pure imagined past,
the here-it-is, the pitch, the pinnacle
of time shining from within a million
summers or the music so intense it disappears.
We invent a lifetime out of small things,
free the air between our fingers,
diagram the stars dream them into
daylight and admit the future
which is here always here
like a clock that runs forever.
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your dad's side, your favorite candy)- Pauline Lemon Drop (which is also my current favorite drink)
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name)- A Ja or A Ar. (i like A Ja. better)
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, favorite color)- Panda Blue Kinda like this one
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)- Nicole Las Vegas (maybe Nikki Vegas?)
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)- Ara Gar Yod or Jar Gar Yod (this is just strange since my cats name was actually Yoda)
7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)- Elocin Aicrag (not too bad.)
8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automoblie you drive)- The Blue Saturn SL1 (i sound like a robot)
ha! these are funny but suck. Kats were much better.
Hurrah. les poemmes! (las poemmes? i dunno, so failing french) (so lucky i dont have an english class would be fail that too)
It Is Enough
It is enough to lean against
the fabric of your flesh.
It is enough to lie
in the domestic morning.
It is enough to watch the light
expand through windows—
rising and falling
between out bodies on this bed,
this room, this continent.
We grow wise watching leaky faucets,
faded wallpaper, mismatched socks.
The coffee boiling on the stove
prepares us for the network news,
shopping malls, miracle cures
and tomorrow always sitting on our bed.
But in the rush of years,
we have not lost the pure imagined past,
the here-it-is, the pitch, the pinnacle
of time shining from within a million
summers or the music so intense it disappears.
We invent a lifetime out of small things,
free the air between our fingers,
diagram the stars dream them into
daylight and admit the future
which is here always here
like a clock that runs forever.
Imaginary Bonds
Like rings around Saturn
the furies of her life encircle her.
Not knowing she is on the planet,
she gives them power.
Her prison sky looms endlessly.
Her other lives were long ago;
she cannot seem to remember them,
cannot seem to find their moons.
When the time is right, she will know
the galaxy is more than Saturn—
she is not held by imaginary bonds
nor blinded by falling stars.
Like rings around Saturn
the furies of her life encircle her.
Not knowing she is on the planet,
she gives them power.
Her prison sky looms endlessly.
Her other lives were long ago;
she cannot seem to remember them,
cannot seem to find their moons.
When the time is right, she will know
the galaxy is more than Saturn—
she is not held by imaginary bonds
nor blinded by falling stars.
Requiem
When the last from childhood dies
the heartbeat slows
to a dry leaf rustle
no one calls you
nino
and
tu
or whispers charms
like river water rushing
over moss
and fish
and pebbles
sana, sana, colita de rana.
When the last from childhood dies
the heartbeat slows
to a dry leaf rustle
no one calls you
nino
and
tu
or whispers charms
like river water rushing
over moss
and fish
and pebbles
sana, sana, colita de rana.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
much more trouble than its worth
so i finally decided that it was time to have a pic on my profile so i downloaded the software, i fought with the damned html and i uploaded the wrong fucking picture. oh well.
so i did this awesome drawing, a sort of homage to frank miller and i was having trouble deciding if i should keep it pure black and white or if i should do her mouth in red. ok bloggers giving me a headache now about posting pics so i', gonna have to do it through hello. i am referring to the pics above (hopefully, if they load)and as you can see i decided to go with black... i think it looks pretty awesome and i think i have come a long way from three line mouths. (not that three line mouths look bad. i like my simplicity.) the pic of the finished drawing is ok but it is driving me insane that i can see the shadow of my hand and phone in the pic.
like i said oh well. there are more important things in life and im tired of fighting with my computer.
so i did this awesome drawing, a sort of homage to frank miller and i was having trouble deciding if i should keep it pure black and white or if i should do her mouth in red. ok bloggers giving me a headache now about posting pics so i', gonna have to do it through hello. i am referring to the pics above (hopefully, if they load)and as you can see i decided to go with black... i think it looks pretty awesome and i think i have come a long way from three line mouths. (not that three line mouths look bad. i like my simplicity.) the pic of the finished drawing is ok but it is driving me insane that i can see the shadow of my hand and phone in the pic.
like i said oh well. there are more important things in life and im tired of fighting with my computer.
Johari Results (tee he he)
Arena(known to self and others) able, complex, intelligent | Blind Spot(known only to others) bold, caring, clever, dignified, extroverted, friendly, idealistic, kind, loving, mature, modest, patient, self-assertive, self-conscious, sentimental, silly, spontaneous, warm, witty |
Façade(known only to self) powerful, shy, tense | Unknown(known to nobody) accepting, adaptable, brave, calm, cheerful, confident, dependable, energetic, giving, happy, helpful, independent, ingenious, introverted, knowledgeable, logical, nervous, observant, organised, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, responsive, searching, sensible, sympathetic, trustworthy, wise |
Dominant Traits
66% of people agree that drearox is intelligent
66% of people think that drearox is witty
All Percentages
able (50%) accepting (0%) adaptable (0%) bold (16%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (16%) cheerful (0%) clever (33%) complex (33%) confident (0%) dependable (0%) dignified (16%) energetic (0%) extroverted (16%) friendly (33%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (33%) independent (0%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (66%) introverted (0%) kind (16%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (33%) mature (16%) modest (16%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (16%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (16%) self-conscious (16%) sensible (0%) sentimental (33%) shy (0%) silly (16%) spontaneous (16%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (0%) warm (16%) wise (0%) witty (66%)
Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 23.3.2006, using data from 6 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view drearox's full data.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view drearox's full data.
Nohari Results aka: Apparently i'm Cynical
Arena(known to self and others) cynical, brash, irrational, chaotic, impatient, loud | Blind Spot(known only to others) timid, aloof, insecure, vulgar, unhappy, needy, cruel, distant, childish, imperceptive, unethical, insensitive, passive, smug, rash, dispassionate, inattentive, foolish |
Façade(known only to self)
| Unknown(known to nobody) incompetent, intolerant, inflexible, cowardly, violent, glum, stupid, simple, irresponsible, lethargic, withdrawn, hostile, selfish, unhelpful, unimaginative, inane, ignorant, boastful, blasé, weak, embarrassed, vacuous, panicky, self-satisfied, overdramatic, dull, predictable, callous, unreliable, cold, humourless |
Dominant Traits
83% of people agree that drearox is cynical
All Percentages
incompetent (0%) intolerant (0%) inflexible (0%) timid (16%) cowardly (0%) violent (0%) aloof (16%) glum (0%) stupid (0%) simple (0%) insecure (33%) irresponsible (0%) vulgar (16%) lethargic (0%) withdrawn (0%) hostile (0%) selfish (0%) unhappy (16%) unhelpful (0%) cynical (83%) needy (16%) unimaginative (0%) inane (0%) brash (16%) cruel (16%) ignorant (0%) irrational (33%) distant (16%) childish (33%) boastful (0%) blasé (0%) imperceptive (16%) chaotic (33%) impatient (50%) weak (0%) embarrassed (0%) loud (50%) vacuous (0%) panicky (0%) unethical (16%) insensitive (16%) self-satisfied (0%) passive (16%) smug (16%) rash (16%) dispassionate (16%) overdramatic (0%) dull (0%) predictable (0%) callous (0%) inattentive (16%) unreliable (0%) cold (0%) foolish (16%) humourless (0%)
Created by the Nohari Window on 23.3.2006, using data from 6 respondents.
You can make your own Nohari Window, or view drearox's full data.
You can make your own Nohari Window, or view drearox's full data.
A Long Time Coming
- Miss Andrea, I’m very angry.
- Why Amelia?
- Because my aunty is evil she makes me write my spelling words six times each, every night
- I’m very sorry milly, but I tell you what, when your older six times each wont seem so bad.
I love this child and I hope her problems are always this simple.
I lost my brother today. Not my real brother, mi hermano, mi compadre. He was shot yesterday, in the lung and gave way to it today. Doctors said if he made it through last night he would make it, but when have doctors ever been right? And the weird part is, I’m not very effected by it. Death has been waiting for him, I’ve seen him in the rafters since he got into selling smack, I knew he’d go the same way as his brother. But it still hurts. He was my first love, the first boy I ever played spin the bottle with, the first boy I decided I was gonna marry, my best friend and as these past few years have passed, my biggest heartache. Chris, I know too many Christophers and I must say I think I would trade any of them for him in a heartbeat. I miss him but I’ve been missing him for quite some time now, I don’t feel much different, maybe its cause I’m in shock. Maybe its cause I’m more concerned with the living or because I'm more concerned with myself. They don’t even know who shot him, if it was one of his runners or some random tecato. I keep thinking of the stupidest shit, like watching him eat his own boogers for money, or his dorky old glasses, or how short he was or riding down the road together on mudslides. Kermit The Frog and Miss Piggy and him and Leo in Drag, truth or dare, showers in the front yard at three AM, jockey shorts, four door roller skate, three point IQ hike, his eighth grade prom, oops on an ollie. Stupid happy shit that no one else understands that makes me want to cry. And then I think of him from going from the smartest kid in school to nickel and dimeing it to high school drop out with all that fuckin potential to a hustler to smack. And I get angry. I get angry because he was so young, and so smart and so charismatic. He could have been anything. But he chose to throw his life away for money. All for money its not even like he was into the fucking drugs, then I could say that he was addicted that it was a disease, and the drugs killed him. Instead I have to go around knowing that it was some random bastard. That his murder will go unsolved because the police just don’t give a shit cause his death means less drugs on the street. And I’m also angry with my self because I agree, and because the last time I talked to him it ended in me screaming at him I love you but your gonna get yourself killed, get your ass outta my house. And now he’s gone and done it. They always say that you should never make the last words you say to a person ones you will regret, because you never know if you are going to see them again. I am such an angry person I can’t do that and its tearing me up.
- Why Amelia?
- Because my aunty is evil she makes me write my spelling words six times each, every night
- I’m very sorry milly, but I tell you what, when your older six times each wont seem so bad.
I love this child and I hope her problems are always this simple.
I lost my brother today. Not my real brother, mi hermano, mi compadre. He was shot yesterday, in the lung and gave way to it today. Doctors said if he made it through last night he would make it, but when have doctors ever been right? And the weird part is, I’m not very effected by it. Death has been waiting for him, I’ve seen him in the rafters since he got into selling smack, I knew he’d go the same way as his brother. But it still hurts. He was my first love, the first boy I ever played spin the bottle with, the first boy I decided I was gonna marry, my best friend and as these past few years have passed, my biggest heartache. Chris, I know too many Christophers and I must say I think I would trade any of them for him in a heartbeat. I miss him but I’ve been missing him for quite some time now, I don’t feel much different, maybe its cause I’m in shock. Maybe its cause I’m more concerned with the living or because I'm more concerned with myself. They don’t even know who shot him, if it was one of his runners or some random tecato. I keep thinking of the stupidest shit, like watching him eat his own boogers for money, or his dorky old glasses, or how short he was or riding down the road together on mudslides. Kermit The Frog and Miss Piggy and him and Leo in Drag, truth or dare, showers in the front yard at three AM, jockey shorts, four door roller skate, three point IQ hike, his eighth grade prom, oops on an ollie. Stupid happy shit that no one else understands that makes me want to cry. And then I think of him from going from the smartest kid in school to nickel and dimeing it to high school drop out with all that fuckin potential to a hustler to smack. And I get angry. I get angry because he was so young, and so smart and so charismatic. He could have been anything. But he chose to throw his life away for money. All for money its not even like he was into the fucking drugs, then I could say that he was addicted that it was a disease, and the drugs killed him. Instead I have to go around knowing that it was some random bastard. That his murder will go unsolved because the police just don’t give a shit cause his death means less drugs on the street. And I’m also angry with my self because I agree, and because the last time I talked to him it ended in me screaming at him I love you but your gonna get yourself killed, get your ass outta my house. And now he’s gone and done it. They always say that you should never make the last words you say to a person ones you will regret, because you never know if you are going to see them again. I am such an angry person I can’t do that and its tearing me up.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
johari/ nohari
hehe stole this from katwoman
please help me with my johari window.
http://kevan.org/johari?name=drearox
and i will take criticism here in my nohari window
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=drearox
yay thanks guys!
please help me with my johari window.
http://kevan.org/johari?name=drearox
and i will take criticism here in my nohari window
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=drearox
yay thanks guys!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
hmmm...
so i went to the celebration dinner for the invest in youth campaign last night... it was boring as fuck and i got sat next to the horny 90year old man again... but it was more amusing this time, while he was his usual male chauvenist self (or what i think is his usual self) he took it to a different level. (i.e. no grab ass in the parking lot.) by the time i got to the dinner i was dead tired having worked 6:30- 3:30 at one site then having to boogie my ass to peralta to work at another from 4:00-6:30 then rush back across albuquerque to get to the embassy suites to go to a horrid dinner. i was tired and looked it. the old dude told me he'd give me $100 dollars to show him my pretty smile. i told him to go fuck himself... he said the fun went out of that years ago. i couldnt help but laugh. he is really an interesting guy for being old enough to be my great grandpa, and any man that calls me beautiful for no reason, is alright in my book. we spent the rest of the night cracking dirty jokes to each other and it made the time fly by. so while i still think he's a dirty old man i am starting to think he is a pretty cool guy.
me and malinda went out afterward and got a bit schnockered. not such a good idea seeing as it was tuesday during mid-terms but oh well.
me and malinda went out afterward and got a bit schnockered. not such a good idea seeing as it was tuesday during mid-terms but oh well.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Someone PLEASE Give Me Midol and a Lobatomy
so, i love Saturns.... i sooo love Saturns. Saturns, i love so. love Saturns so i.
i just got in a wreck. well not just now, a few hours ago. i got hit by a car... this makes me sad. my car is almost perfectly fine, this makes me happy since the woman that hit me doesnt have insurance. i was going home from a meeting of the minds (ha!) and this woman didnt see me and she turned out into me and i wasn't being aware of idiots trying to turn into me because i was on the phone. my car has a little bitty crack and some scrapes her car is totaled because she lost control after hitting me and ran over the median into the wrong lane of traffic and into a wall. so theres this home off of ladera and 98th that is now missing its back fence.
as for the Midol and the lobatomy, my back is in knots like i feel like i may be dying, and my head feels like it is ready to explode. dont knock the Midol, Midol works better than Acetomeniphen alone because of all the caffine, and the lobatomy will make it so i can stop thinking and making my head hurt even more. i dont think im hurt cause of the accident, more cause i tensed up right before impact. i had enough time to realize she was going to hit me hang up and turn to lessen the impact, and more than enough time to tense every muscle in my body, but not enough to avoid it all together.
i love saturns. my car is fine, and i was safe. after this and the other accident in a saturn where all that happened was a minimal crack in the fender, while the other car was totaled, i am starting to think i will never buy another kind of car. I am also thinking that the boyscout may have been right when he said CAR+PHONE+ME=BAD IDEA but one it wasnt really my fault and two i dont really think that this is going to stop me.
i just got in a wreck. well not just now, a few hours ago. i got hit by a car... this makes me sad. my car is almost perfectly fine, this makes me happy since the woman that hit me doesnt have insurance. i was going home from a meeting of the minds (ha!) and this woman didnt see me and she turned out into me and i wasn't being aware of idiots trying to turn into me because i was on the phone. my car has a little bitty crack and some scrapes her car is totaled because she lost control after hitting me and ran over the median into the wrong lane of traffic and into a wall. so theres this home off of ladera and 98th that is now missing its back fence.
as for the Midol and the lobatomy, my back is in knots like i feel like i may be dying, and my head feels like it is ready to explode. dont knock the Midol, Midol works better than Acetomeniphen alone because of all the caffine, and the lobatomy will make it so i can stop thinking and making my head hurt even more. i dont think im hurt cause of the accident, more cause i tensed up right before impact. i had enough time to realize she was going to hit me hang up and turn to lessen the impact, and more than enough time to tense every muscle in my body, but not enough to avoid it all together.
i love saturns. my car is fine, and i was safe. after this and the other accident in a saturn where all that happened was a minimal crack in the fender, while the other car was totaled, i am starting to think i will never buy another kind of car. I am also thinking that the boyscout may have been right when he said CAR+PHONE+ME=BAD IDEA but one it wasnt really my fault and two i dont really think that this is going to stop me.
Devine Feline
I would swallow my pride,
I would choke on the rinds,
but the lack thereof
would leave me empty inside.
I would swallow my doubt,
turn it inside out,
find nothing but faith
in nothing.
I want to put my tender
heart in a blender,
watch it spin around
to a beautiful oblivion.
Rendezvous
then I'm through with you.
I burn burn
like a wicker cabinet,
chalk white
and oh so frail.
I see our time
has gotten stale.
The tick tock
of the clock is painful,
so sane and logical.
I want to tear it
off the wall.
I hear words
and clips and phrases.
I think sick
like ginger ale.
My stomach turns
and I exhale.
So Cal is where
my mind states,
but it's not my
state of mind.
I'm not as
ugly sad as you.
Or am I origami?
Folded up and
just pretend.
Demented as
the motives in your head.
I alone
am the one you don't
know you need.
Take heed.
Feed your ego.
Make me blind
when your eyes close.
Sink when you get close,
tie me to the bedpost.
I alone
am the one you don't
know you need.
You don't know
you need me.
Make me blind
when your eyes close.
Tie me to the bedpost!
Eve 6 Inside Out
so apparently i purr when i sleep. i didnt know this until last night when i fell asleep watching a movie and i woke up to Mario and Lorenzo staring down at me. i was creeped out by the fact that they were staring at me sleeping because they thought it was adorable and by the fact that i purr. niether of these things are remotely normal. i think i was dying and they didnt bother to wake me up because they thought i was more amusing than the movie... but i woke up this morning still creeped out, having two very large men watch over you as you sleep is very discomforting.
soo.... i had something interesting to say and now i have forgotten it.......... so i have the most random shit in my back seat. i have a toaster oven, signs for summer camp. factility usage agreements. a collection of kitchen supplies for my new apartment donated by my mother. unfinshed taxes (kinda need to get on those) three pairs of black heels (all very different even if he doesnt agree), four red lipsticks, one pink lipstick, a bottle of lotion, two pairs of tennies, three YMCA shirts, payment envelopes, meeting notes, harry potter 2-6 (three copies of 5) purple eyeliner, back pack, bio book, a wallet with an angry cat, plastic catapillar, a painting, perfume, underwear, pillow case, pair of jeans, socks, Nintendo DS, Scene It, Fact or Crap.... but my trunk is clean and so is my front seat (except for cd cases and a phone charger) and i think i should stop living out of my car and clean it before the guys have to get in there to install my new system.
i still dont remember what i was going to say... damn.
oh yeah theres also mail and a su do ku book.
I would choke on the rinds,
but the lack thereof
would leave me empty inside.
I would swallow my doubt,
turn it inside out,
find nothing but faith
in nothing.
I want to put my tender
heart in a blender,
watch it spin around
to a beautiful oblivion.
Rendezvous
then I'm through with you.
I burn burn
like a wicker cabinet,
chalk white
and oh so frail.
I see our time
has gotten stale.
The tick tock
of the clock is painful,
so sane and logical.
I want to tear it
off the wall.
I hear words
and clips and phrases.
I think sick
like ginger ale.
My stomach turns
and I exhale.
So Cal is where
my mind states,
but it's not my
state of mind.
I'm not as
ugly sad as you.
Or am I origami?
Folded up and
just pretend.
Demented as
the motives in your head.
I alone
am the one you don't
know you need.
Take heed.
Feed your ego.
Make me blind
when your eyes close.
Sink when you get close,
tie me to the bedpost.
I alone
am the one you don't
know you need.
You don't know
you need me.
Make me blind
when your eyes close.
Tie me to the bedpost!
Eve 6 Inside Out
so apparently i purr when i sleep. i didnt know this until last night when i fell asleep watching a movie and i woke up to Mario and Lorenzo staring down at me. i was creeped out by the fact that they were staring at me sleeping because they thought it was adorable and by the fact that i purr. niether of these things are remotely normal. i think i was dying and they didnt bother to wake me up because they thought i was more amusing than the movie... but i woke up this morning still creeped out, having two very large men watch over you as you sleep is very discomforting.
soo.... i had something interesting to say and now i have forgotten it.......... so i have the most random shit in my back seat. i have a toaster oven, signs for summer camp. factility usage agreements. a collection of kitchen supplies for my new apartment donated by my mother. unfinshed taxes (kinda need to get on those) three pairs of black heels (all very different even if he doesnt agree), four red lipsticks, one pink lipstick, a bottle of lotion, two pairs of tennies, three YMCA shirts, payment envelopes, meeting notes, harry potter 2-6 (three copies of 5) purple eyeliner, back pack, bio book, a wallet with an angry cat, plastic catapillar, a painting, perfume, underwear, pillow case, pair of jeans, socks, Nintendo DS, Scene It, Fact or Crap.... but my trunk is clean and so is my front seat (except for cd cases and a phone charger) and i think i should stop living out of my car and clean it before the guys have to get in there to install my new system.
i still dont remember what i was going to say... damn.
oh yeah theres also mail and a su do ku book.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
cigarettes and liquor
when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold
All-American Rejects Move Along
so i thought i was having a rough time with lent. my mother gave up cigarettes. i dont want to go to her house anymore... its too scary. and as for the liquor, rikki and i have decided that we are going to start taking Irish Coffee to work everyday or keep a bottle of grey goose or bombay sapphire in the cabinet for afternoon martinis so we dont kill the kids ... or the other staff.
so i made an amazing discovery today. you can get a man to do pretty much anything you want if you look him in the eye and smile and laugh at his jokes. i think this qualifies as flirting but its not nearly as complicated as they make it out to seem. now if only i had learned this before i got married i could have had a lot more fun with it. oh well, c'est la vie, thats life (now singing "Thats Life" and getting stared at in fashion of village idiot by 16 year old wannabes)
so... i feel like spilling my guts about something exciting that happened today but im afraid of who reads this on a daily basis... oh well. thats all i will say about that.
my stereo in my car is dead :(.. somehow i got the tape to cd adapter stuck in there and it wont play and i cant eject it and it wont let me switch over to the stereo part so i can at least listen to music with too many commercials. :(*.*.*. i finally beat it with a spatula from my back seat till it played but im still not happy so i have to go get a new stereo... but i wont have time till friday and i have other plans on friday.
CD's i would be listening to if i could today:
Jewel Pieces of You
All American Rejects Move Along
A Perfect Circle Emotive
Weezer make believe
TaTu Dangerous and Moving
The Doors Greatest Hits
Random thoughts of the day:
chemestry is not as bad as it seems
I would really hate to be a duck
Estee Lauder makes crappy nail polish
pineapple juice is good
I love the smell of Hermes 24 Faubourg
Jim Morrison was soo fucking sexy
Brittish accents are Great ;)
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold
All-American Rejects Move Along
so i thought i was having a rough time with lent. my mother gave up cigarettes. i dont want to go to her house anymore... its too scary. and as for the liquor, rikki and i have decided that we are going to start taking Irish Coffee to work everyday or keep a bottle of grey goose or bombay sapphire in the cabinet for afternoon martinis so we dont kill the kids ... or the other staff.
so i made an amazing discovery today. you can get a man to do pretty much anything you want if you look him in the eye and smile and laugh at his jokes. i think this qualifies as flirting but its not nearly as complicated as they make it out to seem. now if only i had learned this before i got married i could have had a lot more fun with it. oh well, c'est la vie, thats life (now singing "Thats Life" and getting stared at in fashion of village idiot by 16 year old wannabes)
so... i feel like spilling my guts about something exciting that happened today but im afraid of who reads this on a daily basis... oh well. thats all i will say about that.
my stereo in my car is dead :(.. somehow i got the tape to cd adapter stuck in there and it wont play and i cant eject it and it wont let me switch over to the stereo part so i can at least listen to music with too many commercials. :(*.*.*. i finally beat it with a spatula from my back seat till it played but im still not happy so i have to go get a new stereo... but i wont have time till friday and i have other plans on friday.
CD's i would be listening to if i could today:
Jewel Pieces of You
All American Rejects Move Along
A Perfect Circle Emotive
Weezer make believe
TaTu Dangerous and Moving
The Doors Greatest Hits
Random thoughts of the day:
chemestry is not as bad as it seems
I would really hate to be a duck
Estee Lauder makes crappy nail polish
pineapple juice is good
I love the smell of Hermes 24 Faubourg
Jim Morrison was soo fucking sexy
Brittish accents are Great ;)
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Ahhh lent.
so seeing as I dont really consider myself catholic... and being without chocolate, new shoes and new books is driving me mad... it would be ok if i just took up eating chocolate again right... ok so rationalization is probably not the way to go about this I should just suck it up and deal with it... but they are doing fundraisers at the school... they are selling those worlds finest chocolate bars, and the girlscouts are on the corner peddling their version of crack. oh well.
so my sister is supposed to come down here for her birthday yay! and my mom invited me to go with her when she goes down there in the beginning of april yay! i love vegas its much more fun when you're legal. and im going on a road trip this summer during my two weeks off Yay! i hate the fact that summer vacation for these kids is only four weeks. i am running extreme camp this year (extreme camp is fun its two field trips a day to things like ice skating and movies, and the skate park and cliffs and an overnight thing at camp shaver) i am really looking forward to camp shaver i wanted to work there for the other two weeks except for three problems
1. i really want a road trip
2. Phil already filled up the counselor spots
3. i dont think supes would be too happy to have me gone for 14 days... though he might be happy for a break from the insanity.
ugh I have to go get portraits taken for my mom's b-day. she wants updated pics of her children, not just me... why, i dont know we all know i'm the prettiest (jk lissa love ya!) so im gonna have to get portraits done... and then get them done again when melissa comes to town. good thing i still talk to danny so i can get my employee discount still (muah ha ha ha) i think that being a portrait photographer has forever ruined my love of photography... i find myself framing up snapshots and thinking about the elements in the background matching the foreground... whereas before i would frame how i thought looked the best and background be damned i can edit in the darkroom, though not much needs to match in black and white.
i forgot what i was originally ranting about and i will take that as my cue to leave that and i have to go find my car before the parking meter runs out... i parked downtown somewhere around 2nd and silver and i am now on 6th and marquette or is this 5th and copper or vice versa, civic plaza (i hate down town... i only come here when i have to) ... anyhoot, lets see if i can find my way back.
so my sister is supposed to come down here for her birthday yay! and my mom invited me to go with her when she goes down there in the beginning of april yay! i love vegas its much more fun when you're legal. and im going on a road trip this summer during my two weeks off Yay! i hate the fact that summer vacation for these kids is only four weeks. i am running extreme camp this year (extreme camp is fun its two field trips a day to things like ice skating and movies, and the skate park and cliffs and an overnight thing at camp shaver) i am really looking forward to camp shaver i wanted to work there for the other two weeks except for three problems
1. i really want a road trip
2. Phil already filled up the counselor spots
3. i dont think supes would be too happy to have me gone for 14 days... though he might be happy for a break from the insanity.
ugh I have to go get portraits taken for my mom's b-day. she wants updated pics of her children, not just me... why, i dont know we all know i'm the prettiest (jk lissa love ya!) so im gonna have to get portraits done... and then get them done again when melissa comes to town. good thing i still talk to danny so i can get my employee discount still (muah ha ha ha) i think that being a portrait photographer has forever ruined my love of photography... i find myself framing up snapshots and thinking about the elements in the background matching the foreground... whereas before i would frame how i thought looked the best and background be damned i can edit in the darkroom, though not much needs to match in black and white.
i forgot what i was originally ranting about and i will take that as my cue to leave that and i have to go find my car before the parking meter runs out... i parked downtown somewhere around 2nd and silver and i am now on 6th and marquette or is this 5th and copper or vice versa, civic plaza (i hate down town... i only come here when i have to) ... anyhoot, lets see if i can find my way back.
Math Class
This is funny. this was sent to me in an email from a penguin, but we had Done this in the beginning of my calculus class. enjoy!
This equation should be taught in all math classes!
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented
as:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
andK-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BULLSHIT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
This equation should be taught in all math classes!
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented
as:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
andK-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BULLSHIT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Not Again!
Well my heart knows me better than I know myself
So I'm gonna let it do all the talking
I came across a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree
I fell in fear, upon my back
I said don't look back, just keep on walking
When the big black horse that looked this way,
Said hey lady, will you marry me
But I said no, no, no,no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me
And my heart had a problem, in the early hours,
So it stopped it dead for a beat or two
But I cut some cord, and I shouldn't have done that,
And it won't forgive me after all these years
So I sent her to a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree
Now it won't come back , cause it's oh so happy
And now I've got a hole for the world to see
But it said no, no, no,no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me
Ican't quite get there cause they've all forsaken me
-KT Tunstall Black Horse and The Cherry Tree
Soo... I'm feeling rather stupid right about now.
I have been very distracted today.
This morning when I hopped in the shower, I washed my hair with face wash. My hair is super, super clean but smells like Nutrogena, which isnt really a bad smell, but I much prefer the slightly floral scent of my shampoo. I got lost on the way to my mothers house. I left her house without what I went all that way for. I left half the supplies I was buying at the store.
And I locked my keys in the car.
Again.
In the ignition.
With it on (not running thank goodness, but on.)
I wouldnt even post this except Miss M. was kind enough to come down to my work and unlock my car for me so I wouldnt have to endure another lecture about locking my keys in for the millionth time, so by the time anyone reads this, most likely everyone will know.
Maybe my busy schedule has just finally become too much and I'm cracking. I mean I was talking on the phone, popping the trunk, grabbing a shopping bag, balancing folders, fixing my skirt, and waving to Rikki and Justine as I was leaving the car. Or maybe I'm just dumb. Rikki said its just part of my charm, as she was laughing her ass off at me.
My concern isn't that I have cracked... its that I didn't notice 'till it was time for me to unlock the snack freezer, needed said supplies, mommy dearest called me to tell me I left my shit, wound up in Peralta, and the facewash wasn't lathering. Normally when I do stupid things I notice right away. I only hope that tomorow goes by much better, not that today has been a bad day... I'm still in an annoyingly good mood, so I've been told...but I'm sure its to the point where people are thinking this stupidity is a little much, even for me.
The good news:
Miss M's key works in my door (and ignition, which might be a bad thing considering though they are both the same make of car they are different models, colors and years)
my hair is now this pretty auburny brown (probably from having the moisture stripped out but very pretty)
my momma still loves me (somehow)
the semester's almost over
the weather is perfect in Peralta
I got all the supplies I needed
its raining.
life is good.
So I'm gonna let it do all the talking
I came across a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree
I fell in fear, upon my back
I said don't look back, just keep on walking
When the big black horse that looked this way,
Said hey lady, will you marry me
But I said no, no, no,no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me
And my heart had a problem, in the early hours,
So it stopped it dead for a beat or two
But I cut some cord, and I shouldn't have done that,
And it won't forgive me after all these years
So I sent her to a place in the middle of nowhere
With a big black horse and a cherry tree
Now it won't come back , cause it's oh so happy
And now I've got a hole for the world to see
But it said no, no, no,no-no-no
I said no, no, you're not the one for me
Ican't quite get there cause they've all forsaken me
-KT Tunstall Black Horse and The Cherry Tree
Soo... I'm feeling rather stupid right about now.
I have been very distracted today.
This morning when I hopped in the shower, I washed my hair with face wash. My hair is super, super clean but smells like Nutrogena, which isnt really a bad smell, but I much prefer the slightly floral scent of my shampoo. I got lost on the way to my mothers house. I left her house without what I went all that way for. I left half the supplies I was buying at the store.
And I locked my keys in the car.
Again.
In the ignition.
With it on (not running thank goodness, but on.)
I wouldnt even post this except Miss M. was kind enough to come down to my work and unlock my car for me so I wouldnt have to endure another lecture about locking my keys in for the millionth time, so by the time anyone reads this, most likely everyone will know.
Maybe my busy schedule has just finally become too much and I'm cracking. I mean I was talking on the phone, popping the trunk, grabbing a shopping bag, balancing folders, fixing my skirt, and waving to Rikki and Justine as I was leaving the car. Or maybe I'm just dumb. Rikki said its just part of my charm, as she was laughing her ass off at me.
My concern isn't that I have cracked... its that I didn't notice 'till it was time for me to unlock the snack freezer, needed said supplies, mommy dearest called me to tell me I left my shit, wound up in Peralta, and the facewash wasn't lathering. Normally when I do stupid things I notice right away. I only hope that tomorow goes by much better, not that today has been a bad day... I'm still in an annoyingly good mood, so I've been told...but I'm sure its to the point where people are thinking this stupidity is a little much, even for me.
The good news:
Miss M's key works in my door (and ignition, which might be a bad thing considering though they are both the same make of car they are different models, colors and years)
my hair is now this pretty auburny brown (probably from having the moisture stripped out but very pretty)
my momma still loves me (somehow)
the semester's almost over
the weather is perfect in Peralta
I got all the supplies I needed
its raining.
life is good.
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