"Another Place To Fall"
KT Tunstall
Are you blind
Blind to me trying to be kind
Volunteering for your firing line
Waiting for one precious sign
The flicker of a smile
You should try it just once in a while
Maybe it's not quite your style
It's simply too easy to do
And you might not see it through
Are you proud
To have founded a brand new behavior
With hatred and hurt as your savior
But nobody's choosing to follow
So you choke back the tears and you swallow
Men who have ruined your life
You consume them with minimum strife
But now you have got indigestion
The antacid comes as a question
Find yourself another place to fall
Find yourself up against another brick wall
See yourself as a fallen angel
Well I don't see no holes in the road but you
Find another place to fall
Are you alive
Is there a young woman hiding inside
Does she know that we're trying to help her
Is she totally frozen with fear
If you let her come out for a day
She might even like it and stay
But it's gonna take you to invite her
Cause you seem so determined to spite her
Find yourself
There isn't much more I can say
For I don't understand the delay
You're asking for friendly advice
And remaining in permanent crisis
Affection is yours if you ask
But first you must take off your mask
When you're back's turned I've decided I'll throw it away just like I did
Find yourself
i almost killed a kid today. and no i dont mean that in my normal this kid was being a little shit and i wanted to injure him sort of way. i mean i had to physically pry my hand off the lilttle fucker because i was going to kill him.
let me begin at the beginning.
this morning i woke up. (mistake number one) on time even, which for me is almost an accomplishment ;) and i got ready and i went to work. (mistake number two) so i get to work and i'm looking at all the old time sheets and i get to mine from this week and i'm like hmmm.... someone seems to have knocked off 16 hours of overtime. the bastard! so i'm a little upset. (pissed, livid, infuriated, incensed, heated, angry... maybe even a little mad) and my boss is not answering her phone (hmmm... typical) so i take care of that no big deal i have to wait a week or two to get paid but i'm getting the money. ok so my day goes along with nothing bad really happening. i mean getting shorted a whole bunch of overtime is not that bad, cause i'm gonna get it. (and if i dont i'll quit and leave them in a rut with no one to run extreme camp or my site) so the day goes along i go to kindergarten graduation (soo cute!) and lunch and i run out for slushies that took way to long to just be making a slushie. gather my forty kids go to snack and then i have one kid decide he is going to turn into linda blair.
this kid started by kicking one girl head-butting one in the sternum and hitting one in the face. ok this is bad, but not that big of a deal kinda happens all the time when you work with kids. so i pull him to the side to ask him what happened were they teasing you did they hit you... etc... y nada. he didnt say a damned thing. so i'm like ok i decide to call mom to see if she can get him to talk because hes just sitting there ripping up the grass in sort of a malicious way (again bad, but not uncommon) he growled at his mother. he didnt say anything, he just growled. so i'm like ok. strange. we take the kids in and he starts to behave. ok good. then mom calls and this kid flipps out. he kicked a kid started stabbing at things with a pencil throwing things at students, threw a popsicle stick in my face. so we make him go to the quiet area and call his mother to come pick him up because he is detracting our attention from the other kids. ok so he's in the quiet area. he sticks his head under the pillows, please uncover them, no so i take them off then he starts ripping up our little foam alphabet mat and eating it (no lie eating the damned mat) i go to take away a letter and he goes to bite me. this kid is on my fucking last nerve, then he kicks his brother kicks me, starts yelling at me and sticking his finger in a light socket.... i kinda wanted to let him stick his finger in the light socket but thats besides the point. so i ask him to move he says no. i've had it beyond with this kid by now so i pick him up and he tries kicking me and more of the kids. i put him on a chair he stands on it. i fold his legs and sit him on it he starts picking up shit and throwing it at me. i'm holding the damned kid down with one hand and kicking shit away from his reach with my feet and holding the drawers to my desk closed with the other. he tries bolting. i catch him and gently (yeah right) put him back in his chair. i'm holding this kid down and i have to step away because i seriously want to hurt him at this point hes cursing and kicking and throwing stuff at me and im just trying to keep him from hurting himself or the other kids. rikki joins me after putting on a movie and i go to call my boss to tell her that i am not going to deal with this kid, he spits on rikki, repeatedly in the face. she's about to kill the little fucker too so i go back to restraining him. he started laughing and straining to get away. i had a deathgrip on his arm by the time mom got there and i informed her he is no longer welcome. so they leave and rikki goes to wash her face. on the way back she runs into the special ed teacher, who informs her that this is a daily bit, and mom should have warned us. mom said nothing, she said oh by the way he has a touch of ADD. turns out the kids on prozac and celestia(i think its celestia i dont quite remember). my back hurts. my head hurts, my palms hurt from digging my nails into them. but i didn't utter one fucking curse word, niether did rikki, niether of us raised our voices, we followed protocol to a T without even thinking about it. but damn i wanted to kill that kid. i'm still shaking from the pent up adrenalin(epinephrin, whatever). it took two of us to restrain a seven year old. if i could have hurt him i could have done it myself, but we didnt hurt him in the least the lucky little fucker. and the rest of my afternoon was spent in paperwork incident repors termination letters, bodily fluid exposure forms, hepatitis B vaccination forms, and explaining to parents what happened so thier kid didnt go home and say miss rikki and miss andrea were beating on some poor kid. poor rikki has to take a hepatitis B series. he's lucky he didnt spit on me, i couldnt have kept my cool, i'd be fired and in jail right now. i dont get paid nearly enough for this shit.
