I'm not sure from where or whence it came but it is quite sad.
So I've decided that I have boiled my life down to trivialities. Not intentionally, but rather to avoid the glaring realities, but you know what at this point in my life with my frame of mind being what it is, that's ok.
At this point in my life I need to worry about my fingernails being perfectly polished, and my phone being charged and whether or not my watch is too masculine (again, the hearts do not allow that) because I have spent too much of my life worrying about bills and propriety and the wellfare of others and all the other weighty issues that plague adults. And I have decided that my lessened responsibility these past few weeks are what I need. I am putting forth my resignation to adulthood. At least for now. I am content, an I haven't been able to say that in a long while, there are things that still need mending but they will have to do it on their own. Or wait till I am ready to be bothered because for now I am having too much fun just sitting back and enjoying life as it is, thanking god that I am still on this earth to take these breaths sigh these sighs and think these thoughts, I am really not appreciative enough to him, I have been mad at him and felt slighted lately,I have felt cheated that someone I could love more than any other could not be mine when I wanted most. And I have felt more than my share of anger, because I felt that any god that would offer the gift of bringing life into this world to someone only to snatch it away is no man at all, then of course I remembered, he is no man at all. He has a plan for me and I'm not sure what it is but I am almost willing to accept it. Not completely mind you, I still feel slighted I still feel angry, but I have found something I have not had in a long time... Faith. Faith that everything will work out as it should. Only now, In releasing my death gripp on this world have I been able to find that every day is a gift. And I am lucky just to live and have the ability to laugh tbough it all and be surrounded by love.
Ok I can go back to being trivial now. Its much more comfortable than thinking and feeling.
About Me
- me
- Albuquerque, New Mexico, United States
- Pablo Neruda Sonnet XVII (100 Love Sonnets, 1960) I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close "Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be. It's harsh, and cruel, but that's why there's us. It doesn't matter where we come from, or what we've done, or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be." --Angel
