i hate ipods

ok so i hate everything right now. i've been in a very bad mood for the last two months, not the kind of bad where i am angry but bad like a complete emotional wreck. im either angry or sad or nonplussed all of the time. and im kind of sick of it.

i've got all sorts of unneccessary paranoia.

and this is the first real thing i have written in a long time.

im sitting ehre trying to get myself to track down when this all started.
i cant pinpoint a date. of course i had some emotional issues with the pregnancy and then with the miscarriage. but... was it before that? im reading back and even in my blog i said that i thought i was depressed before i realized what was going on and then i just blamed it all on hormones.

i dont know why i even bother. i hate the fucking anti depressants and i dont like therapists, no offense, but its just not for me, but lately im feeling so helpless and so overwhelmed, and im not a helpless person.. and i dont know if it is me or something else.

maybe i've just lost it and i should go to the funny farm and just deal with it all later.