Breathe (2 AM)

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever
be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to



Cold
Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold
To you, I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now I can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really want you to go
So many things you should know
I guess for me theres just no hope

i hate ipods

ok so i hate everything right now. i've been in a very bad mood for the last two months, not the kind of bad where i am angry but bad like a complete emotional wreck. im either angry or sad or nonplussed all of the time. and im kind of sick of it.

i've got all sorts of unneccessary paranoia.

and this is the first real thing i have written in a long time.

im sitting ehre trying to get myself to track down when this all started.
i cant pinpoint a date. of course i had some emotional issues with the pregnancy and then with the miscarriage. but... was it before that? im reading back and even in my blog i said that i thought i was depressed before i realized what was going on and then i just blamed it all on hormones.

i dont know why i even bother. i hate the fucking anti depressants and i dont like therapists, no offense, but its just not for me, but lately im feeling so helpless and so overwhelmed, and im not a helpless person.. and i dont know if it is me or something else.

maybe i've just lost it and i should go to the funny farm and just deal with it all later.

i guess im not supposed to be a blonde.

Or even a cool brunette. I tried dying my hair an ash brown with golden highligts it came out chocolate with caramel highlights, very tasty but not what I was going for. So I tried going for a dark blonde and wound up with a mousey brown which as a color sounds bad but actually I like. I don't think I'm ever gonna be a blonde unless I try for say, platnium, but that's not happening any time soon. I don't want to look like a hoochy with no style and I definitely don't want to overprocess my hair. Maybe that's my problem I'm not willing to fry it.

Ok so there's my vain little rant for the day I have a lot to talk about I just have no time hopeduly that will change this week and I can. I just wanted to let you guys all two of you know that I am still alive. Love ya!