meth addict cleaning

so i cleaned my whole house with a toothbrush. not because i'm on meth, im no longer a big fan of drugs, havent been for years, never really been a particularly big fan of meth so far as being a fan of drugs can go. just because scrubbing things down like that is good for the soul, turns out i have a lot of work to do so im gonna cut this short, and hope i can get back to it later.

bogo

So I was killing time yet again (this can't last long) and I went to walgreens cause I needed a mascara, ok so need may be a bit of a strong word. But they didn't have the one I wanted so I continued crusing the makeup aisle until I found the lipstick I had been looking for for almost two years now. And it was bogo so I decided to get a mascara too and it came with an eyeliner and I must say it is anything but subtle. I feel kinda tarty, it made me feel better, plus the smell of this lipstick reminds me of a kiss I put on a painting nearly two years ago. And of some naughty looking pictures (I had clothes on I swear!) in other words good memories.

Its funny how a good memory can remind you its time to move forward in life. So let me sigh one more sigh, shed one more tear, and pull my butt off that ground using my own two hands and bootstraps. I know I'm gonna fall down again eventually but that's no reason to delay getting up.

That being said happy birthday to me, well not today but on the 21st if anyone wants me I have decided I will be at whatever jazz club I can find (probably all the way in santa fe) sipping on wine I can't afford looking mysterious and aloof with that little black dress my mom bought me like a month ago, these hot ducking lips, and searing eyes.

I will have a hangover for thanksgiving, but that's ok seeing as I hate that holiday anyway. So its time for me to feel like super woman again, any ideas what I can do to help save my little corner of the world?

Oh well more later right now I'm too cold to sit here but looking too tarty to go inside a camera store at night on east central.

Maybe I should go to the bookstore down the road

oh great, another complex.

I am Not a twenty-two year-old.

ok so at least im not the average twenty-two year-old, i just talk like one.

i've decided im turning 46 this year, that is 23 years with two birthdays per year for a total of 46 years.

i've been watching tv and lately everytime they show a young woman she is pegged as 22. And she is young and pretty and obsessed with sex and has bad posture and cant cook and is generally ditzy, even last night on NCIS there was a 22year old, only this one was a little more realistic, but she was still inarticulate over emotional and couldnt make a decent cup of coffee.

maybe my obsession with this is that i've seen myself as mature for so long that when i see these people portrayed this way its almost like i myself am backsliding into the stereotype.

should this worry me? no. will it? possibly.

so maggie asked me a question the other day, she said "fifteen years from now if you found out i died would you go to my funeral?" and i said i dont know. this started a little game in my head, if this person died would i go to thier funeral.

magster: i honestly dont know, how would i know i dont think im going to know her in fifteen years, this point last year i would have said yes, but we've moved from personal friends to business friends, and thats not conducive to a funeral in fifteen years kinda relationship.

rikki: without a doubt

family: of course

dana: same boat as maggie

him: yeah probably

THM: i dont think his family would appreciate it much

Binky poo: yeah, you know probably. i dont think we'll be talking in fifteen years. but im finally how shall we say, comfortable with the way things were left, not in animosity but in a general life sends you down different paths sort of way.

katwoman: yes

green bean: you know, its sad, but probably not.

the boys: no

hmmm i think im going to get out of a lot of funerals.

chris T: yes

any other chris: no

AP: you know probably because i have a soft spot for that woman

YB: no

pl: just to make sure he's dead

and i cant think of anyone else right now that i can say that yes in fifteen years if i heard you died i would most definitely go to your funeral.

i think the life style we lead has become too fleeting.