The sun sets across the ocean
I'm a thousasnd miles from anywhere
A pocketbook and my heart
Both just got stolen
And that sun act like she don't even care
Wind blows cold when you reach the top
It feels like someone's face is stuck to the bottom of my shoe
I got a plastic Jesus and a cordless telephone
Everybody but you telling me what to do
Well I've been down so long
Oh it can't be longer still
And I've been down for so long
That the end must be drawing near
I looked to everybody but me
To answer my prayers
Til I saw an angel in the bathroom
Who said she saw nobody worth saving anywhere
And the blind man on the corner said
"It's Simple, like flipping a coin
Don't matter what side it lands on
It's somebody else's dime"
Well I've been down so long
Oh It can't be longer still
And I've been down so long
That the end must be drawing near
I take a trip
I catch a train
I catch a plane
Got a ticket in my hand
And then a fat man takes my money
And like cattle we all stand
We've been down so long
Oh it can't be longer still
We've been down so long
That the end must be
I know the end must be
Oh I know the end
Must be drawing near

ok so i was looking at my past blogs and it is definitely an emotional minefield.

im sick, i've been sick for so long that im just run down. i've been sick since december 26th, but no one seems to know whats going on. if i were on better terms more friendly terms with lindsey i might feel more comfortable with talking to her mom cause i think she could help me. but its to the point where the doctors are testing me for everything including HIV which i dont have and knew i didnt have thankyouverymuch! where was i? oh yeah sick. so yeah that and i have not had my aunt visit since october 21, which means im not ovulating, which i just take as proof that they were all wrong and i really am broken. so it could be thyroid, hormones, weight, or something serious. yay.

as for weight i have been wanting to take care of that but you cant really work out when you cant breathe, i have losst a few pounds but i think that is more due to inablitly to eat then anything else, and i must say im happy for that cause they had me on prednisone there for a while and i thought that i was gonna blow up like a baloon, but i was fortunate. my face has been swollen for a while now thats no good for someones self image, especially when i just got a haircut that accentuates my face. speaking of my hair cut my hair grows too damn fast its been what three or four weeks and its already down to my chin again.

i drew for the first time in forever, which made me feel better, my doctor, one of the many doctors i should say, stupid fucking HMO's i dont get to see my doctor till the 18th of next month one of the urgent care doctors told me i need to go out and enjoy life. (not in a creepy you're dying sort of way, because even though im sick im not deathly ill) what was i talking about, oh yeah and it reminded me that i havent really done the things i love to do in so long that i dont even know if i like to do them anymore.

ok enough woe-is-me crap. im giving up beef. i saw that video of those cows at the Hallmark slaughter house and i'm giving up beef until they have some better regulation in order, i may just give up meat in general because i know what they do to those poor chickens. (although i loves me some chicken) and there is so much crap in the pesticides that i think i'll just have to go organic. which lets face it, would probaby (probably? definitely is more like it) be better for me. lets just see if my will power and wallet can hold out. eww i just scratched my ear and the medicine is oozing out cause i forgot a friggin cotton ball. space cadets like me shouldnt be allowed to be sick for the plain and simple fact that im not organized enough to take the proper care of myself to get well. damn that stuff tastes disgusting (not the eardrops).

ok lets post three happy things so i dont feel so crappy.
its very nice and springlike out today and i think i can finally fly my pretty toucan kite.
i have health insurance
i've had my car over a year and techinically never been late with a payment which means my credit is probably finally clearing up
i made some really cool jewelry last night
i am loved
i havent taken any vicodin or ibuprophen today and i can swallow
my daddy is building me shelves on sunday
i will finally get to paint my kitchen this weekend (eek! got to finally decide on a color!)
es que im sexy even when im sick

see ok im happy now. im just so damn tired and im tired of being tired.