best buy and Steve Madden are evil.

I need to stop comforting myself with material things. And Steve Madden needs to stop designing shoes I absolutely must have. But I weigh the consequences, material things, or chocolate, seeing as I haven't really been hungry lately and chocolate still upsets my stomach (now I know for sure its a head case thing) ill stick to Mia, Steve, rocket dogs, tribecca, and my completely eccletic collection of CDs to help me get through this. Lord help me I'm going to be broke for all eternity. But I got some cool CD's she wants revenge, tori Amos, fiona appel, and fall out boy oh yeah and tatu and somethin else. Hmmm ok so maybe I didn't need them all but all the shoes stayed in the store don't I get brownie points for that?


Ok so its way to late for me to still be up seeing as I am forcing myself to go to work tomorrow. And I need to get some labwork done befor I head to the office. Goody!

Night people I love yall, except Melissa, whom I still love but don't particularly like right now. Ill probably call her tomorrow, I can't be mad at my sister forever. Ok so I could but I refuse.

One thing im sure of is
that we will always be
even though the road seems to get a little rough
it's for you i live
i can do anything
and it will never be too much
in my darkest hour you
are there to light the way
and when i'm down you always lift me up again
you know me better than i know myself
you comfort me and let me know
with you i'm gonna win

Walk with me hand in hand
we help each other understand how to go through
there will never be a day
that we'll grow apart
so we'll forever be together hand in hand
somethimes i'm wrong and even in that case
you didn't go away you stayed rihgt next to me
as time goes on i realize
that you're for me
and i will love you for eternity


Why is there nothing ever on TV past 10? The karate kid is supposed to be on but its some mob movie, I don't remener the karate kid ever being in the mob. I could be wrong. Oof even that one have way to infomercials. Mr t is on the christsb channel talking about how he used to wear 40 lbs of gold. I think its time to try to go to sleep again.

Good night moon, good night sky, goodnight apple of my eye.

squack squack!

I think I've finally stopped bleeding. One can only hope.

squack squack!

John Mayer makes really funny faces when he sings.

AKA, life goes on.

So the sun came up this morning and I was almost surprised.

I don't think I can ever look at him again and hell never know why.

Artist:John Mayer Album:continuum Title:Gravity


Gravity, is working against me
And Gravity, wants to bring me down
Oh, Ive never known what makes this man
With all the love that this heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Gravity is working against me
And Gravity, it wants to bring me down
Oh, twice as much aint twice as good
And cant sustain like one half could
Its wanting more that's gonna set me to my knees

Gravity, stay the hell away from me
And Gravity, has taken better man than me
Now how can that be
Just keep me where the light is


The Heart of Life

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But, then your circle of friends Will defend the silver lining

so apparently thats not an option.

One out of every four women experience bleeding during the first half of their pregnancy. Half of those will have happy healthy babies half of those will miscarry. We don't know why there is nothing you did wrong, there is nothing you void have done to prevent this. You could have been laying on your back having someone feed you grapes and the same thing would have happened. The risks are the same for someone taking it easy at home as they are for someone working 100 hours a week. You could have gone bungee jumping last week and been fine. We don't know why this happens but it does. What I can tell you is that a woman who has one Miscarriage has the same chnce of having a happy healthy baby as a woman who has never had one.

Its amazing how I can remember what he said exactly and I still have no clue what day it is.

i want to curl up and die.

That's all there isn't any more.

potato soup.

How can something so simple taste so good?
Potato soup, aka "caldo"

Potatoes, meat (chicken pork, beef, whatever you have), one half onion, salt and pepper, water. Cook meat till its starts to brown, add cubed potatoes, cook about half way add chopped onion, cook until transparent, add water salt and pepper to taste. Boil about 10 mins and ta da! Instant happiness.

Here's where I stand:

My hormone levels dropped yesterday. I have an appointment tomorrow, I am going stir crazy and want to go back to work Thursday. Ok so I'm going crazy but I've pretty much stopped bleeding so I'm gonna chill a little.

12.5 hours later...

And I know about as much as I went in with. They don't know why I'm bleeding. But since my ultra sound, my hormone screen, and the millions of other tests they ran came back normal, I may not be having a miscarriage. But there's still the chance I may. Woo who! Twelve and a half hours and seventy five dollars later to be back where I was. At least I'm not bleeding as much anymore.

i wanna go home.

Here I sit in the er and alli want is to go home. I've been spotting all day, all weekend really buy particularly bad today,and now I'm bleeding, and now here I sit in the er thinking that I could just be sitting around at home. The triage nurse told me not to worry unless I start bleeding like I'm in a horror movie. So yay! Something to look forward to. I don't know. I really do not want to be miscarrying but I think its happening.

I will post more later when I know what is going on.